Nursing home dilemma

notsogooddtr

Registered User
Jul 2, 2011
1,283
0
I'm sorry that I have only just picked up this reply. I moved my Dad to the new home 2 weeks ago, it went surprisingly well. I ordered a wheelchair taxi and my Dad never asked any questions and we arrived at the new home and he seemed okay. He had enjoyed the ride. He has settled far better in the new home which is a dementia village type home. The staff are great and my Dad has been calm and not agitated whilst he has been there. There is plenty of space to walk around, which he has to have, and if he wants to go out of the unit the staff take him into the internal gardens and into the dementia village. He still wants to leave but all this seems to help passify him. However, at weekend he went down with a chest infection and was admitted into hospital. He has been extremely agitated in the hospital and the threatening behaviour has returned. Hopefully, he will be back at the Care Home in a few days.

As to your question can I bring him home. I ask myself this every single day. If he was at home he would need 24/7 care or else he would not be safe. He would leave his home to try and get to his childhood home, which is what was happening. He did not like carers at his home, he just wanted me. If the carers came he would ask when I was coming. I was trying to hold down my job, run a family and be at my Dads house most of the time. Things just got to much plus my Dad was isolated, he had no interaction with anyone as he was not interested in anything but me. He did not want to socialise with anyone but me. He was incontinent which could not be managed and he continually got urine infections and was ill. The house is not fit for a live in carer which I was advised he would need two people in case he fell as he is extremely at risk from falling after suffering a broken hip which needed a hip replacement. He also needs a knew knee. He will not use a walking frame. So, you tell me am i doing wrong not bringing him home? This troubles me most. Thank you for reading and replying to this.
Was your Dad happy at home?PWD often lose the capacity for happines,their world is too scary.Look again at your post,you have a job and a family.You have done the right thing in finding a good home for your Dad so please don't feel giilty
 

notsogooddtr

Registered User
Jul 2, 2011
1,283
0
How disgusting that his current home say it isn’t their responsibility, how rude and uncaring. Also how on earth do homes refuse someone due to risk of faking? Provide the support so he doesn’t!!! I’m looking for a care home for my dad and it’s these types of attitudes that upset me. Could you consider bringing him home if he’s so unhappy in a care home??
Not the most helpful reply.It's an incredibly difficult decision to place a loved one in residential care and the last thing that's needed is someone casting doubt on whether it's the right thing.If a team of people can't manage how can one person?Also it's impossible to provide enough support to eliminate the risk of falling,short of strapping someone down.Better that the home accept that they can't meet his needs than accept him and then have to move him again
 

Dimpsy

Registered User
Sep 2, 2019
1,906
0
Hi @OutdoorGal, reading your posts you have found the best solution for your dad, he is in a safe and secure environment but with lots of space both indoors and outside so he won't feel trapped. It's still early days for him and it was a shame that the chest infection and hospital admission have interupted his settling in.
It sounds as if you have struck gold with this home, caring staff, activities and other residents for him to interact with will help reduce his agitation and in turn give you peace of mind. Stick with it!
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
I'm sorry that I have only just picked up this reply. I moved my Dad to the new home 2 weeks ago, it went surprisingly well. I ordered a wheelchair taxi and my Dad never asked any questions and we arrived at the new home and he seemed okay. He had enjoyed the ride. He has settled far better in the new home which is a dementia village type home. The staff are great and my Dad has been calm and not agitated whilst he has been there. There is plenty of space to walk around, which he has to have, and if he wants to go out of the unit the staff take him into the internal gardens and into the dementia village. He still wants to leave but all this seems to help passify him. However, at weekend he went down with a chest infection and was admitted into hospital. He has been extremely agitated in the hospital and the threatening behaviour has returned. Hopefully, he will be back at the Care Home in a few days.

As to your question can I bring him home. I ask myself this every single day. If he was at home he would need 24/7 care or else he would not be safe. He would leave his home to try and get to his childhood home, which is what was happening. He did not like carers at his home, he just wanted me. If the carers came he would ask when I was coming. I was trying to hold down my job, run a family and be at my Dads house most of the time. Things just got to much plus my Dad was isolated, he had no interaction with anyone as he was not interested in anything but me. He did not want to socialise with anyone but me. He was incontinent which could not be managed and he continually got urine infections and was ill. The house is not fit for a live in carer which I was advised he would need two people in case he fell as he is extremely at risk from falling after suffering a broken hip which needed a hip replacement. He also needs a knew knee. He will not use a walking frame. So, you tell me am i doing wrong not bringing him home? This troubles me most. Thank you for reading and replying to this.

No lovely, you have your Dads best interests first & foremost. It’s hard to do this at times, emotions get in the way but you have done the best thing for your Dad.
Don’t doubt yourself please
(((((hugs)))))
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
0
The new care home sounds really good @OutdoorGal, well done on finding such a good fit for him.

The fact he's in hospital so soon after moving there is unfortunate - I understand how you feel, you do start questioning what is 'best'. Two weeks after my mother moved to her CH, she had a fall and ended up in hospital - she cracked a pelvic bone. It was a stable fracture so the hospital intended to return her asap to the CH for recuperation, but they then found she had a UTI so they kept her in hospital for a few days, not ideal really. However once back in the CH she settled well, and hopefully your dad will too. She has been there over 18 months now and is well cared for in an environment where she feels safe and content, which is the best we can hope for.
 

KatieBag

New member
Sep 26, 2019
1
0
I am also arranging moving my Mum so that she is nearer me. Neither her current care home, nor the new one will help. I have had a quote from St John's and it is going to be over £800. Surely there is something else I can do?
 

Xeenies

Registered User
May 19, 2014
76
0
I'm sorry that I have only just picked up this reply. I moved my Dad to the new home 2 weeks ago, it went surprisingly well. I ordered a wheelchair taxi and my Dad never asked any questions and we arrived at the new home and he seemed okay. He had enjoyed the ride. He has settled far better in the new home which is a dementia village type home. The staff are great and my Dad has been calm and not agitated whilst he has been there. There is plenty of space to walk around, which he has to have, and if he wants to go out of the unit the staff take him into the internal gardens and into the dementia village. He still wants to leave but all this seems to help passify him. However, at weekend he went down with a chest infection and was admitted into hospital. He has been extremely agitated in the hospital and the threatening behaviour has returned. Hopefully, he will be back at the Care Home in a few days.

As to your question can I bring him home. I ask myself this every single day. If he was at home he would need 24/7 care or else he would not be safe. He would leave his home to try and get to his childhood home, which is what was happening. He did not like carers at his home, he just wanted me. If the carers came he would ask when I was coming. I was trying to hold down my job, run a family and be at my Dads house most of the time. Things just got to much plus my Dad was isolated, he had no interaction with anyone as he was not interested in anything but me. He did not want to socialise with anyone but me. He was incontinent which could not be managed and he continually got urine infections and was ill. The house is not fit for a live in carer which I was advised he would need two people in case he fell as he is extremely at risk from falling after suffering a broken hip which needed a hip replacement. He also needs a knew knee. He will not use a walking frame. So, you tell me am i doing wrong not bringing him home? This troubles me most. Thank you for reading and replying to this.

Hi. I do apologise, I was not suggesting you were doing the wrong thing at all!! I’m going through similar issues looking for a home for my dad, I was defending you, expressing frustration with the homes you were dealing with. We couldn’t have my dad home either for same issues you mention, as much as I wished we could.
 

OutdoorGal

Registered User
Feb 26, 2019
40
0
Hi. I do apologise, I was not suggesting you were doing the wrong thing at all!! I’m going through similar issues looking for a home for my dad, I was defending you, expressing frustration with the homes you were dealing with. We couldn’t have my dad home either for same issues you mention, as much as I wished we could.
I'm sorry I know you weren't inferring that I was doing the wrong thing. Its just all terribly frustrating as you will know. And I seem to need confirmation from others to reinforce I am doing the right thing and I fully appreciate you taking the time to reply so thank you. I really hope you get your Dad sorted soon.

PS the hospital discharge was a nightmare once again. 8.5 hours waiting for medication and an ambulance. How do you explain that to an 85 year old with dementia. Discharged at 8.30pm in the pitch dark. It was simply awful.
 

OutdoorGal

Registered User
Feb 26, 2019
40
0
Not the most helpful reply.It's an incredibly difficult decision to place a loved one in residential care and the last thing that's needed is someone casting doubt on whether it's the right thing.If a team of people can't manage how can one person?Also it's impossible to provide enough support to eliminate the risk of falling,short of strapping someone down.Better that the home accept that they can't meet his needs than accept him and then have to move him again
Thank you very much I appreciate you replying.
 

OutdoorGal

Registered User
Feb 26, 2019
40
0
I am also arranging moving my Mum so that she is nearer me. Neither her current care home, nor the new one will help. I have had a quote from St John's and it is going to be over £800. Surely there is something else I can do?
I hope you get something sorted but that does sound crazy. Thank you for replying.
 

OutdoorGal

Registered User
Feb 26, 2019
40
0
No lovely, you have your Dads best interests first & foremost. It’s hard to do this at times, emotions get in the way but you have done the best thing for your Dad.
Don’t doubt yourself please
(((((hugs)))))
Thank you very much for replying I really appreciate it.
 

OutdoorGal

Registered User
Feb 26, 2019
40
0
Hi @OutdoorGal, reading your posts you have found the best solution for your dad, he is in a safe and secure environment but with lots of space both indoors and outside so he won't feel trapped. It's still early days for him and it was a shame that the chest infection and hospital admission have interupted his settling in.
It sounds as if you have struck gold with this home, caring staff, activities and other residents for him to interact with will help reduce his agitation and in turn give you peace of mind. Stick with it!
Thank you very much for your reply I really appreciate it.
 

OutdoorGal

Registered User
Feb 26, 2019
40
0
Was your Dad happy at home?PWD often lose the capacity for happines,their world is too scary.Look again at your post,you have a job and a family.You have done the right thing in finding a good home for your Dad so please don't feel giilty
Thank you for your reply I really appreciate it.
 

OutdoorGal

Registered User
Feb 26, 2019
40
0
Im sorry to hear that your dad has an infection @OutdoorGal . I hope he is indeed discharged soon.
The care home sounds lovely and Im glad he is settling in there.

FWIW, Im sure it was the right thing to do. Home is not always the right place for people with dementia[/QUOTE
Thank you for your reply i really appreciate it.
 

Karen22

Registered User
Nov 3, 2012
88
0
I am also arranging moving my Mum so that she is nearer me. Neither her current care home, nor the new one will help. I have had a quote from St John's and it is going to be over £800. Surely there is something else I can do?
I had to pay for an ambulance for my father when I had to move him last December. Fortunately, dad had funds so I paid with those. I hope you find a way.
Karen
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
So I’m going to buy a euro million ticket or lotto which ever has the biggest ££££
If I win the big one I will let you know!

Hey I can dream!
 

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