Hiding things.

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
705
0
Thank you. That’s the strangest thing, she never hides anything in the same place twice. Once I find a hiding place she comes up with new places to hide things. It’s almost like she thinks she has to hide them from me, or perhaps she doesn’t remember it was me who found them and only remembers a person found her hiding place so she needs a new hiding place. She keeps telling me two woman are coming into her room and taking her things. She gets very distressed when she can’t find things and insists these women took them. X

Hi Rosserk, just a thought, do you have mirrors in your mums room? I had all the same issues with my dad constantly hiding things because he thought people were coming in and taking them, then forgetting where he had hidden them, which convinced him even more of the thefts.

I ask about the mirrors because my dad was convinced the man next door was coming in stealing his things and spying on him, which was making him very anxious and aggressive. It was by pure chance that one day when I arrived to see dad, he was rushing around very upset, talking about the man watching him, so I asked him to show me. He took me upstairs to his bathroom and pointed to the mirror which was in there and said there he is (with a few choice words). I discovered he no longer recognised himself as the old man he was in mirrors or in reflections in windows etc and it was this that was causing his anxieties. By removing or covering them up he improved greatly and the 'hiding' things calmed down a bit.
 

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
705
0
One other thought, regarding the purse and bags your mum keeps hiding. If she has more than one bag or purse, give her that instead of you having to look for the missing one whilst she is upset and so are you.

I found with my dad, I bought 3 cheap identical wallets, when one went missing, I would pretend to go and look for it and then give him one of my spares, he never knew the difference. I would then go and look for the missing one at my leisure, which usually turned up in the most unexpected places. If you have different bags or purses you can swap, just tell your mum she changed it for this one and hopefully it convinces her.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,259
0
High Peak
Amazing to read this thread. My dear mama is also the victim of theft, constantly. On Monday (at the CH) I was greeted with 'Thank goodness you're here - all the money's gone!'

The 'money' in question is all her father's things, all the property and everything in the 'other place' she lives with all the kids. The police are here all the time questioning everybody and R (my father, dead for 20+ years) has been convicted and he's blazing mad.

The kids from the school also come in and help themselves, as do the carers. (Not that she ever sees anyone here - there's been no food all week.) People frequently come in at night to steal her underwear. Apparently they always comment on her floral knickers and have never seen ones like that. o_O

Then there's handbag-gate. There are 2 bags on her bed, plus one tucked at her side in the chair. But these have all been stolen and emptied. All her cash has gone - she doesn't have a penny to her name. (Shocking, isn't it?) They've taken her comb and lipstick too. I examine the bags. One contains a million dirty tissues, 3 glasses cases, 1 pair of glasses (not hers I don't think but I don't mention that), a pen, a key ring and a broken... thing. (Bits of plastic - the remains of another glasses case I think.) Bag 2 contains a hairbrush, tissues, 4 nail files, biscuit wrappers and 2 more pens. Bag 3 contains a comb and her purse, stuffed with notes which I show her. Her reply? 'Well, it wasn't there before. They'll only come back and steal it again.'

During the visit I had to re-show the cash several times more as she had forgotten. Again. Finally she said, 'Oh well. So did you have a nice Christmas?'

For the record, the 'cash' in her purse is real.... but it is old big green pound notes and old ten shilling notes, purchased by me on eBay :D
 

Rosserk

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
396
0
Hi Rosserk, just a thought, do you have mirrors in your mums room? I had all the same issues with my dad constantly hiding things because he thought people were coming in and taking them, then forgetting where he had hidden them, which convinced him even more of the thefts.

I ask about the mirrors because my dad was convinced the man next door was coming in stealing his things and spying on him, which was making him very anxious and aggressive. It was by pure chance that one day when I arrived to see dad, he was rushing around very upset, talking about the man watching him, so I asked him to show me. He took me upstairs to his bathroom and pointed to the mirror which was in there and said there he is (with a few choice words). I discovered he no longer recognised himself as the old man he was in mirrors or in reflections in windows etc and it was this that was causing his anxieties. By removing or covering them up he improved greatly and the 'hiding' things calmed down a bit.

That’s a brilliant idea! Yes there are mirrors in her room which I could try removing. Today she’s fixated on money!
 

Champers

Registered User
Jan 3, 2019
239
0
Some practical advice:
My mum has fairly bad memory loss and always losing her purses (she has 3). She isn't exactly hiding them but it feels like it after I spend 2 hours searching the house without success. So I bought her a key finding device. It cost £20 on amazon and contains 6 fobs.

You put a fob in each purse, then when she loses it, the controller will make the fob sound - problem solved.

Well, in my case not quite as my mum found the fobs and threw them away, forgetting what they are. However, if they were to be sewn into the purse lining then she couldn't do it. I will try this ;)

Hope this helps.

What is it with purses? Both my mother and MIL have purses galore in their handbags - all fiddly ones which are hardly ideal for arthriticy (?!) hands either! Most of them contain old receipts, odd coins, bus tickets etc. When they do have bank notes, there’s always confusion about which purse the money is actually in or “someone must have stolen it because I can’t find it.”

When I had a bit of a sort out at my mothers home, I found so many wallets and purses in drawers and coat pockets that I’m afraid I checked they were empty and then binned them. However, mother still seems to have an unending further supply of the things!
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,259
0
High Peak
When we cleared mum's house we found, among other things, 22 brand new purses.

She had an equally impressive collection of chocolate bars, milk, batteries, torches and.... shower heads!
 

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
705
0
When we cleared mum's house we found, among other things, 22 brand new purses.

She had an equally impressive collection of chocolate bars, milk, batteries, torches and.... shower heads!

I can raise you 32 umbrellas, 85 disposable razors and 11 boxes of Thorntons chocolates and 9 selection boxes, when I cleared my dad's house out. lol. What are they like.
 

Anne-marie 70

New member
Sep 17, 2019
2
0
My mother constantly puts things away or hides them and then no one can find even herself...we have ordered about 10 credit/debit cards in the last year. It’s got so bad that now we have to put important things away ourselves...but she still fumbles about for hours on end in her room looking for things or accusing someone of stealing! So you are not alone...patients is the biggest virtue at this stage... we have organised a file draw for her where we put all the important stuff and we take it out and show her when she thinks she has lost them or been stolen, to put her mind at ease, but we never leave the draw with her or we would never find anything!
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
Yes, it's utterly exhausting. And I'm afraid we never found the answer.
My FiL would habitually hide things inside books, or between them or behind them on the shelves - and we have an awful lot of books.
When his car had to be sold, my husband made the mistake of giving him the £50 the would-be purchaser had paid as a deposit.
He later couldn't find it, and went nearly mad with rage and frustration. Not to mention me and dh, up till well past midnight checking all the usual book-places (where he'd always hidden his now defunct bank books - he was obsessed with those.).
After goodness knows how long, we finally found the £50 in the pocket of his pyjama top - which he'd hidden under the mattress!

My mother was constantly hiding the keys to her French windows - she had become obsessive about keeping those and all windows closed all the time, even in the height of summer in a heatwave.
On the last occasion we never found them - and didn't even when finally clearing her house.
I had the lock changed, and both I and my also regular-visiting brother kept the spare keys.

Perhaps the oddest 'hiding' I ever found, was a dried up ham sandwich on a plate - in her knicker drawer!
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
So the carers are now finding meals on plates in random places- cupboards & drawers. So now they need to sit with her while she eats , easy answer just time sensitive!

As for handbag gate....
I raise you by packets of tea, (Mum only drinks hot chocolate, milk or water). Tinned fruit, & sprouting potatoes by the cupboard full!!!!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Ill raise you by boxes of tissues.
I didnt count them (far too many), but I didnt need to buy her any boxes of tissues at all for the full 3 years that Mum was in her care home, despite her constantly having tissues up her sleeves, in all her pockets, tucked into waistbands or under bra straps and so many in her handbag thats its amazing it didnt burst..................
 

Champers

Registered User
Jan 3, 2019
239
0
How about tubs of spreadable butter? Until mother was diagnosed and still doing her own shopping, she couldn’t resist those end of aisle ‘bargains’ and without fail, there was usually a butter offer. I once had to bin 32 tubs - all out of date! She was most put out and said she needed them to bake cakes, which she clearly wasn’t doing otherwise she wouldn’t have still had them in the fridge. I was silently congratulating myself on a job well done when I thought I’d better check the freezer...and there was dozens in there too! :confused:
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
1,685
0
I once found the ingredients for a ginger pudding in the side table by my mothers bed. She also once gave me, rather randomly, a tin opener as a gift (I have several), with the words "I wanted to get you a really good one".
In her early days at the care home, we went out to get some shopping, and I asked her if there was anything she wanted. I was thinking fruit, hankies, toiletries etc. Big mistake. Huge.
She said, at the top of her voice in the middle of Waitrose, "I want a really sharp knife". I am sure the entire store heard her and her angry rebukes when I couldn't let her buy one.
I know we shouldn't laugh, but this awful journey has given me a rather dark sense of humour......
 

Rosserk

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
396
0
I once found the ingredients for a ginger pudding in the side table by my mothers bed. She also once gave me, rather randomly, a tin opener as a gift (I have several), with the words "I wanted to get you a really good one".
In her early days at the care home, we went out to get some shopping, and I asked her if there was anything she wanted. I was thinking fruit, hankies, toiletries etc. Big mistake. Huge.
She said, at the top of her voice in the middle of Waitrose, "I want a really sharp knife". I am sure the entire store heard her and her angry rebukes when I couldn't let her buy one.
I know we shouldn't laugh, but this awful journey has given me a rather dark sense of humour......


If I didn’t laugh I would start crying and never stop!
 

Champers

Registered User
Jan 3, 2019
239
0
Mother refuses to have anything to do with her hearing aids and I’ve heard every excuse under the sun for why she doesn’t need them. Whenever they disappear, apparently her gardener has stolen them!

During yet another of my regular searches for hidden correspondence, they came to light - well hidden in a drawer under her bed.
“Oh mum. What are these doing here?”
“I have no idea who they belong to, but you can have them if you want?”
Not quite sure why I would want hearing aids specifically moulded and tuned to someone else’s requirements?! :rolleyes:
 

Tea and. toast

Registered User
May 8, 2019
67
0
Hi my PWD my Dad has been hiding food plus the remote controls to the TV and wallets.I too have found a plate of sandwiches with crisps in the dressing table drawer this week probably from Saturday, Some sandwiches were left on the ironing board when I came in from work the other day. Bananas and yoghurt (in pots with lids on thankfully) have been found under the chair and in a box. I also found 3 black bananas in a kitchen drawer that isn't used much.Plus a banana on top of the wardrobe and on the radiator. I thought a teaplate had been broken and thrown away before Christmas as couldn't find it. Found it complete with green mouldy sandwiches in foil in the cupboard with the dishes used for Boxing Day tea. Dad was relatively ok this time last year but has been on the decline since November.

Carers come in at lunchtime to encourage Dad to eat however Dad takes his time to eat. So food can go awol. He also has a thing about toilet roll and takes off squares for his pocket ( he likes proper hankies usually) or puts a roll in his bedroom. Not sure about some post going missing. Two appointments to attend scans before Christmas never appeared.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,839
0
Hi my PWD my Dad has been hiding food plus the remote controls to the TV and wallets.I too have found a plate of sandwiches with crisps in the dressing table drawer this week probably from Saturday, Some sandwiches were left on the ironing board when I came in from work the other day. Bananas and yoghurt (in pots with lids on thankfully) have been found under the chair and in a box. I also found 3 black bananas in a kitchen drawer that isn't used much.Plus a banana on top of the wardrobe and on the radiator. I thought a teaplate had been broken and thrown away before Christmas as couldn't find it. Found it complete with green mouldy sandwiches in foil in the cupboard with the dishes used for Boxing Day tea. Dad was relatively ok this time last year but has been on the decline since November.

Carers come in at lunchtime to encourage Dad to eat however Dad takes his time to eat. So food can go awol. He also has a thing about toilet roll and takes off squares for his pocket ( he likes proper hankies usually) or puts a roll in his bedroom. Not sure about some post going missing. Two appointments to attend scans before Christmas never appeared.
If post is going missing and you have power of attorney for finance and property you can get the post redirected to you
 

trying too hard!

New member
Aug 28, 2019
6
0
This is almost a relief to read. We also have lots going 'missing'.


Mum has demetia- I would say moderate to bad- no longer deemed to have capacity. Dad has recently also been diagnosed with 'early ischaemic changes to the brain, vascular dementia'.
In the spring the ear mould from one of my Mum's hearing aids disappeared out of the box overnight. Dad insisted Mum has hidden it. It was taken out after she went to bed, and not there in the morning before the carer got her up. A week later the whole of the other one went. Again, clearly, according to Dad, she has hidden it.
They have not turned up.
He has also told me that the carer's steal things. Evidence is, in his mind, that 'they put things in the washing machine'

Lot's of other stuff has vanished, but despite hunting, failed to reappear.
I spend too much time hunting for the bits he thinks we did not buy- we did- or that the carers have 'thrown away' - they haven;'t. Sometimes I find the stuff....
 

vicx

Registered User
Sep 11, 2017
22
0
It's oh so familiar, my mum is very paranoid. Most days burglars have been in her house and stolen her handbag , purse, teeth, keys etc. I do laugh, as recently she claimed a burglar had been in and eaten her bread and jam, strangely her teeth were missing too, so we could only assume the burglar had eaten the bread and jam but he needed her dentures to eat it. She obviously didn't see the humour in this.
 

Rosserk

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
396
0
Some practical advice:
My mum has fairly bad memory loss and always losing her purses (she has 3). She isn't exactly hiding them but it feels like it after I spend 2 hours searching the house without success. So I bought her a key finding device. It cost £20 on amazon and contains 6 fobs.

You put a fob in each purse, then when she loses it, the controller will make the fob sound - problem solved.

Well, in my case not quite as my mum found the fobs and threw them away, forgetting what they are. However, if they were to be sewn into the purse lining then she couldn't do it. I will try this ;)

Hope this helps.


Tried this and quest what she found the key fobs and hid them!! She took them out of her bag first! I’m going to try and sew one into the lining if I can get her bag for long enough! lol
 
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