Really struggling with visits by care home staff

[minet48]

Tell your mum that she doesnt have to fight - that you know that she ready and it is perfectly OK for her to go.
She may be waiting for your permission.

Thank you Canary. I remember hearing something like this before and wondered about it. This sounds pathetic, but I have held back from saying that because i'm afraid she'll think I can't wait for her to die. I have thanked her for everything she has done for us & told her she taught us so much that we have learned how to manage in life & no matter what happens we will all be OK and she doesn't have to worry about us. perhaps I do need to be more specific.

 

[Buttercup24]

Hello my mum is in Extra care housing and is end of life, but her heart is strong the GP said.
She eats very little now, and it is getting difficulty for her to take fluids.
The same issue care staff come in and hug her and talk nearly on top of her, kind and caring but lack the skills of Dementia skills I feel.
The other day they were quick to tell me my mum had been rude them and this had all been documentation.in her notes?? They say she will not eat but fail to often try other foods. Its a gone going battle for me.
I can relate to you, and I think you need to sit and speak to the manager Good luck.

 

[minet48]

Hello my mum is in Extra care housing and is end of life, but her heart is strong the GP said.
She eats very little now, and it is getting difficulty for her to take fluids.
The same issue care staff come in and hug her and talk nearly on top of her, kind and caring but lack the skills of Dementia skills I feel.
The other day they were quick to tell me my mum had been rude them and this had all been documentation.in her notes?? They say she will not eat but fail to often try other foods. Its a gone going battle for me.
I can relate to you, and I think you need to sit and speak to the manager Good luck.

Thanks for your reply Buttercup24. My mum has sadly died since I posted. I totally relate to what you write and it is really hard to deal with. I was on the point of speaking with the manager who was away when a senior carer took the situation out of my hands and dealt with it, limiting visits from carers who weren't directly caring for her so it did get a bit better. Most of the carers were fine about it. These were the ones who were in any case more sensitive of mum's feelings (and ours) despite the fact that they were genuinely upset that she was dying. I do acknowledge that it is an incredibly difficult job at the best of times and it must be impossible to ignore personal feelings when you are genuinely fond of someone and have cared for them for a long time. I think the real problem is a lack of training and the refusal of the powers that be in the NHS or wherever to recognise how important dementia care is which includes end of life care. I can't help thinking the same sort of thing wouldn't happen to non dementia sufferers cared for in a hospice situation. The intervention did as I had feared lead to some resentment with a couple of individuals (who blamed me I heard afterwards, although I hadn't said anything). I'm not sure what the answer is except that your mum and how you feel is the most important here, then how the carers feel (why would they complain she had been rude??) . It's another really tough "challenge" to deal with in the whole journey of caring for a loved one who is suffering from dementia. But just the fact that you worry about it and want the best care for your mum shows how much you love her and that you are supporting her - hope that is a comfort for you.