Moving

[linda_ann]

Hello,
This is my first message, new girl on the block. My dear mother has recently been diagnosed, looking at the stages I would guess she has reached stage 4. she has been on medication for 4 weeks now and is due for re-assessment on 2 August. My problem is that I live in France with my new husband of 7 years, whilst my parents live in Maidenhead in the UK. My father although mentally active is now having difficulty walking. My husband does not wish to return to the UK as he is well established in France since 1989, my father is not keen to move to France as he cannot communicate, he is very proud and independant. Dad is finding it difficult already to cope with Mum's mood swings. I'm stuck in the middle. Does anyone have experience of moving a sufferer to a new country. Any comments very welcome.

 

[Brucie]

Hello Linda_Ann and welcome to TP,

I can't offer any advice in the area you would like help, but we have at least one UK member of TP who is based in France, so he may be able to offer some insights.

His first thread - some time ago - was

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=1514

If you check through the details that each member gives in their personal profile, you may find more though that could be a long job!

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/memberlist.php?

Not all members are active, of course.

Best wishes

 

[Suzy R]

moving .......

My father has visited us in Switzerland this week while my mother (AD for 5+ years) stayed home with their help.

I have often wondered about the moving problem, but am now convinced that taking someone out of their environment just makes things worse. My father drives at home (he's 87 this year), shops, visits the pub etc. etc. Here he is completely dependent on us and will not go out on his own. He's a different person, even though he got the first uninterrupted night's sleep since his last trip away.

You also need to take the long view - if one or both parents need to go into hospital or a home there's a potential language problem, not to mention the cost which may not be covered by insurance or the state.

This is probably not what you want to hear. I know from my own experiences that regular trips to the UK are a drain emotionally and financially and returning to England is not an option. Maybe you can re-locate your parents in the UK to make access and travel somewhat easier.

Take care,

Suzy

 

[linda_ann]

Thanks for your reply Suzie, you have said just about what I thought. Being an only child makes life more difficult, no one to share the problems with. I try to get over as often as I can and they really enjoy coming to stay with us and my husband has even converted a barn into a lovely little cottage for them. Does your mother have a full time/live in carer?
Thanks again
Linda

 

[Suzy R]

Hi Linda

well, in a way. My Dad cares 24x7 for my mother. They also have an excellent helper who started off with them as a cleaning lady but now comes in every day for an hour or two, twice a week to clean and three times to help with my mother, who has a colostomy as well as AD and is very difficult - violent, abusive etc. etc. My Mother really needs residential care but Dad would then have other difficulties (visiting etc.), so he tries to carry on at home as best he can. She is adamant that she wont go into care and their GP says we can't force her, although her medical problems are getting a lot worse.

I am also an only child (big age gap !) and get back to the UK about every six weeks as and when my job allows. I have never really considered returning permanently as I left in 1986 and have spent nearly all my working life over here. My partner (ex pat since 1980) would certainly never return. The UK is not our home and is never likely to be again.

The difficult thing is that a lot of our (not close) family consider me very mean but I have had friends who have put their lives on hold to care for sick/elderly parents and in every case with catastrophic consequences to career and/or relationships.

I guess that's more information than you needed, but logistically speaking if you want to move your parents you need to act sooner rather than later. If you can get your mother set up with some respite care, you could have your father visit you to get a break now and then, but there's every chance he'd sooner stay in the UK long-term and while he's in a position to choose, you have have to be guided by his wishes.

Our main consideration is what to do with my mother when Dad can no longer cope or is no longer around....

Suzy

 

[Norman]

Hi Linda Ann
AD sufferers are happier, if that is the word,kept in their own environment,they are upset by changes.
Even a simple change in routine can cause problems
Our young son has recently bought a villa in Portugal,my wife and I loved our past holidays in Portugal,but I would not thimk about taking Peg abroad now.
We manage a holiday in this country,that doesn't always go well,but we are not far from home.
My opinion.
Norman