Personal Possessions in NH

SoAlone

Registered User
May 19, 2016
142
0
Devon
Hi, my OH has been in a Nursing Home for just over a year. As much as a PWD can be he is reasonable happy and settled. I like the home, management and staff but I am frustrated that personal belongings constantly go missing. They are not stolen they are just picked up and taken by other residents who think they are theirs and sometimes by OH himself taking them elsewhere. I just wondered how anyone else copes with this? I have long accepted the idea of them wearing each others close and footwear, but OH no longer has his wedding ring as he kept taking it off and staff kept it in drugs cupboard most of the time to stop it getting lost. His watch has long since disappeared and not been replaced by me for same reason. But ornaments and toy dog and in particular remote control come and go regularly. I understand only too well the issues with dementia snd that no home is ever going to be staffed to a level where this can be controlled. I get upset that it seems that not only has Dementis taken him away from his home but also means he has no personal stuff either.I am worn down by constant need to replace items which, as in case of tv handset are nearly £40
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
0
I can understand why the loss of the wedding ring upset you. Have you name-labelled all the other stuff, included the soft toys and handset? In my mother's CH things do come and go, but as everything is labelled they get returned, I haven't had to replace anything.

My mother adopts every cuddly toy she lays eyes on - I assume if another resident/relative misses one the staff know where to find them! I gave her a toy dog for her birthday and it went missing for weeks on end, but it has turned up in her room again. She doesn't worry about it, 'stuff' is interchangeable for her, so I don't worry about it either.

My mother is always wearing her own clothes and shoes, as the rooms are locked when the resident is not in there (if they want to go up to their room, residents need to be accompanied by a carer as they are not safe managing the stairs/lift on their own). I did notice a new fleece in her wardrobe last week - presumably a laundry mix up.

Other than stringent labelling there is not much you can do about possessions moving around, it's the nature of the illness that residents pick things up and 'adopt' them.
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
1,314
0
We try to keep mums remote control in a draw, the carers can find it but don't always put it back there. Mum doesn't use it. I have mums wedding ring at home as it became too loose on her finger. The clothes I occasionally look through but no idea if any missing or in the wash although I do find other people's clothes in her draws that are not labelled. The one big item that has gone missing for the last 6 months is her wheelchair. No sign of it anywhere. They are using a spare one for her. I often spot some of mums soft toys in other rooms as I walk past. Mum wouldn't know what's hers & what isn't so I don't worry about that. In fact she does have toys that are not hers but not labelled so I leave them.
I assume the carers have had a good look for your husbands missing items especially in the rooms around the wandering residents. It used to annoy me a lot but it's a bit better since a couple of the residents were moved upstairs. I still intend to follow up on the wheelchair though.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I labled absolutely everything when mum moved into her care home. She insisted on wearing her wedding, engagement and eternity rings, but when the carers found them left in a bathroom (not her en-suite) they kept them and gave them to me. Mum did not notice that they had gone. Because I had labelled everything most things got back to me - I think there were only a couple of items of clothing that never did. The worst thing to go missing was mums walking stick, but I alerted the staff to this and one of the cleaners found it in another residents room.

Im afraid that this is just they way it is with dementia. They have very "fluid" notions of ownership - it they take a fancy to something it is theirs, and if they dont like something then it isnt (even if it really is). I would go through mums clothes and turf out things that wernt hers, but often mum said something wasnt hers and even if I showed her her label she wasnt convinced.
 

SoAlone

Registered User
May 19, 2016
142
0
Devon
Thank you both, everything is labelled so when staff have a urge things do return. Both your comments, that PWD don't know what is theirs and what isn't really helps,a s I hadn't thought of it that way. Rooms aren't locked at the NH and the unit is for complex Dementia patients so many are constantly on the wander. We have tried putting remote in the drawer but even then it disappears regularly. It is just that the homes encourage you take in things to make their rooms like home and then it all just disappears, maybe they should tell people when relatives come in that this is unfortunately what happens so only items of no real consequence are brought in
 

SoAlone

Registered User
May 19, 2016
142
0
Devon
I labled absolutely everything when mum moved into her care home. She insisted on wearing her wedding, engagement and eternity rings, but when the carers found them left in a bathroom (not her en-suite) they kept them and gave them to me. Mum did not notice that they had gone. Because I had labelled everything most things got back to me - I think there were only a couple of items of clothing that never did. The worst thing to go missing was mums walking stick, but I alerted the staff to this and one of the cleaners found it in another residents room.

Im afraid that this is just they way it is with dementia. They have very "fluid" notions of ownership - it they take a fancy to something it is theirs, and if they dont like something then it isnt (even if it really is). I would go through mums clothes and turf out things that wernt hers, but often mum said something wasnt hers and even if I showed her her label she wasnt convinced.

Thank you Canary, it is useful to realise that they are not missing things, although OH doesn't mention a watch, one day he was wearing one that wasn't his and flatly refused to give it up. I alerted staff in case someone else was missing it and when he had taken it off a couple of days later I gave it to staff to return
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,415
0
Newcastle
I was a bit concerned about all the rings that my wife wore but when she started 'losing' them in the home the senior carer managed to get them off and return them to me. She still has on her wedding ring which is quite a tight fit. She had contact dermatitis - cleared up since she went into care - so hasn't worn a watch for over a year, although sometimes still asks for it. Her handbag was often the place to find 'lost' items belonging both to her and to other residents but she hasn't had it since using it as a weapon, so that is one less concern. She does go from room to room (they are all kept unlocked) to leave her stuff on the bed and to take other stuff to her room. She has no concept of what belongs to her. Labelling does help with clothes but smaller items are trickier. Sometimes, if space is limited, rather than their name,the person's room number can be used as an identifier.

There is no way to beat it, but lost stuff usually turns up eventually.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
We try to keep mums remote control in a draw, the carers can find it but don't always put it back there. Mum doesn't use it. I have mums wedding ring at home as it became too loose on her finger. The clothes I occasionally look through but no idea if any missing or in the wash although I do find other people's clothes in her draws that are not labelled. The one big item that has gone missing for the last 6 months is her wheelchair. No sign of it anywhere. They are using a spare one for her. I often spot some of mums soft toys in other rooms as I walk past. Mum wouldn't know what's hers & what isn't so I don't worry about that. In fact she does have toys that are not hers but not labelled so I leave them.
I assume the carers have had a good look for your husbands missing items especially in the rooms around the wandering residents. It used to annoy me a lot but it's a bit better since a couple of the residents were moved upstairs. I still intend to follow up on the wheelchair though.
My first guess would be that a client who went home after respite or to another home was given the wheelchair. It is not an easy thing to miss so I think it may well be gone for good. As well as Johns name on things I put a pink fluorescent wrap that can’t be missed.
 

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Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
1,314
0
Yes @marionq i think your probably right. I have in the past seen new residents sitting in mums chair. It was labelled & pom-poms attached to the handles so easily recognisable across the room!
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
17,710
0
70
Toronto, Canada
As others have said, labelling everything and ensuring nothing of great value is left with the PWD is the way to go. It took me some time to get Mum's rings off her hands but I managed. One thing that disappeared was her leather handbag, which she had bought in Florence. But it was just a thing with no sentimental value.

Mum lost watches and I would replace them with the cheapest ones I could find, until she no longer wanted a watch.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
2,967
0
cornwall
Thank you both, everything is labelled so when staff have a urge things do return. Both your comments, that PWD don't know what is theirs and what isn't really helps,a s I hadn't thought of it that way. Rooms aren't locked at the NH and the unit is for complex Dementia patients so many are constantly on the wander. We have tried putting remote in the drawer but even then it disappears regularly. It is just that the homes encourage you take in things to make their rooms like home and then it all just disappears, maybe they should tell people when relatives come in that this is unfortunately what happens so only items of no real consequence are brought in
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I have a theory about the remote.

When mum was still living at home she used to tell me that her remote was broken. It wasnt - it was just that she could no longer work out how to use it. Is it possible that your mum is having problems with using the remote, thinks it is broken and is throwing it away? I once found mums false teeth wrapped in toilet paper in her bin. If I hadnt thought to look there they would have been thrown away.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
2,967
0
cornwall
I have a theory about the remote.

When mum was still living at home she used to tell me that her remote was broken. It wasnt - it was just that she could no longer work out how to use it. Is it possible that your mum is having problems with using the remote, thinks it is broken and is throwing it away? I once found mums false teeth wrapped in toilet paper in her bin. If I hadnt thought to look there they would have been thrown away.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
Thank you both, everything is labelled so when staff have a urge things do return. Both your comments, that PWD don't know what is theirs and what isn't really helps,a s I hadn't thought of it that way. Rooms aren't locked at the NH and the unit is for complex Dementia patients so many are constantly on the wander. We have tried putting remote in the drawer but even then it disappears regularly. It is just that the homes encourage you take in things to make their rooms like home and then it all just disappears, maybe they should tell people when relatives come in that this is unfortunately what happens so only items of no real consequence are brought in
When Dad went into the CH first thing to go walkies was his watch- never to be found! Yes it was upsetting but it’s just a watch, Dads glasses magically appear & disappear on a regular basis. I have labelled & replaced with really bright ones & still they disappear. It is what it is but the main thing is he’s happy & well looked after. It’s just part of the dementia journey.
 

SoAlone

Registered User
May 19, 2016
142
0
Devon
Thanks again all, it has helped me to see that, as you say they are just things and OH doesn't know what is his and what isn't either so unlikely to be worried. That said however he does recount tales of 'him' (it is an all male unit) coming into his room and saying things are his that aren't. Funnily enough he fails to mention when he has done the same