Another care home question

[Bikerbeth]

Maybe the opposite issue of many people on here.
Today Mum said she wanted to be put on the waiting list of a Care Home she visited today.
Mum is early stage, aware she has Alzheimer’s and aware that she will get worse. She will be 90 next month and currently lives on her own. Good general physical health but getting more forgetful and unable to cook and is beginning to struggle with using telephone, tv etc. Care home has good reviews and a good report as does that charity that runs it so I think i am comfortable with it to. It would also mean that Mum would be close to where I live. Also we are lucky that Mum could go into the home for several months before we would have to sell her house in case it did not work out. We were only looking at homes originally so she could consider options.
I just want to know if I am missing anything?
Any advise appreciated

 

[Banjomansmate]

I think “strike while the iron is hot” would be my suggestion! By the time you think that she really should move into residential care she might be unaware of her needs and refuse to go. If you both think the place looks inviting then a trial run sounds good and hopefully Mum will be happily installed by the time it becomes a necessity. Cognitive deterioration can happen quickly and unexpectedly so to have her safely looked after will be a blessing for both of you.

 

[canary]

Do they do respite so that she could try it out?

 

[Sirena]

It is unusual for the PWD to 'volunteer', but there is a lady in my mother's CH who did just that. After her husband died she realised she couldn't live on her own so discussed it with her family (who she didn't want to burden with her care) and moved to the CH. I'm not sure how long she's been in there (obviously, she can't remember!) but she was there when my mother arrived 18 months ago. She is very chatty and cheerful, still has a good sense of humour, and says she loves the company - and 'being waited on hand and foot'.

So even if you think she 'isn't bad enough yet' your mum could well benefit from it even in earlier stages. I agree with canary - if they do respite she could have a 'holiday' there for a fortnight.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Bikerbeth , that is so positive that your mum liked the home, and wants to move there. I'd put her name down today, you can always postpone the move if she gets to the top of the list and you don't think its time for her to be there. However being there before she absolutely has to will mean she will probably settle better, certainly she'll be more able to take part in the activities.
Is it worth you revisiting without her, so you can ask any questions you didn't want to pose in front of your mum?

 

[Bikerbeth]

@canary and @Sirena. Thank you both for your comments. The home does not offer respite but Mum could go in there for a 2 month period and leave after that time easily if she did not like it. Mum fortunately is lucky that she is in a position financially that she could do that. Mum sound a bit like the lady you mention Sirena

 

[Bikerbeth]

I think “strike while the iron is hot” would be my suggestion! By the time you think that she really should move into residential care she might be unaware of her needs and refuse to go. If you both think the place looks inviting then a trial run sounds good and hopefully Mum will be happily installed by the time it becomes a necessity. Cognitive deterioration can happen quickly and unexpectedly so to have her safely looked after will be a blessing for both of you.

Thank you. I think this is my thought too - strike while the iron is hot. The cognitive deterioration is noticeable on a monthly basis. My thought is that the social side of the home will be beneficial for her. She is lonely and I notice that her speech is a little better after she has spent 2 days with me and then gets worse when I phone her the other 5 days

 

[canary]

The home does not offer respite but Mum could go in there for a 2 month period and leave after that time easily if she did not like it.

Pity about the respite, but this sounds like a good solution. If there is noticeable cognitive decline it probably wouldnt be too long before she needed it anyway and far better for it to be her decision.

 

[Sirena]

I think most care home contracts state that the first 4 weeks are a 'trial period' anyway and both parties can change their mind - my mother's did. It gives the CH the opportunity to fully assess the PWD and ensure they can meet their needs. My mother had 6 hours of at-home care time by the time she moved, but that six hours was meaningless because she was still lonely the other 18 hours. A care home means she has company 24/7.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi @Bikerbeth , that is so positive that your mum liked the home, and wants to move there. I'd put her name down today, you can always postpone the move if she gets to the top of the list and you don't think its time for her to be there. However being there before she absolutely has to will mean she will probably settle better, certainly she'll be more able to take part in the activities.
Is it worth you revisiting without her, so you can ask any questions you didn't want to pose in front of your mum?

Thank you Sarasa. I am hoping that it may help her settle better to go in earlier. Although the Care Home is 80 miles from where Mum lives they have said whilst she is on the waiting list we are welcome to go to their coffee mornings if Mum is staying with me. So I might try to do this even though she is generally better with a constant routine in her own home. I did view about 10 homes within a reasonable distance of me and narrowed it down to 3 to take Mum too so I had an opportunity to ask some questions then. However you are right I will also go and revisit without Mum - one of the care homes we rejected actually had a really good checklist to decide if this was the care home for you so I will us this to try and find answers to the questions I don’t know to ask if you see what I mean

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you all - Mum now on the waiting list

 

[Sirena]

That's great
Good idea to go back on your own though. There are various practicalities you might want to discuss without your mum there.
You could incorporate the coffee mornings into a new routine for her - e.g. we always go there on a Thursday, or whatever would work best.