Cue the accusations regarding money

[Linbrusco]

I never had this with my Mum ( Alzheimers now in care ) apart from her getting stroppy, me splitting her weekly cash into 3 weekly lots in case she lost it.

Dad has mixed dementia.
Mum used to give him a weekly sum, which I continued throughout her dementia.
Mums been in care 3 yrs, and in fact Dad gets more a week now than Mum would allow him.
Every Monday I get him the same amount, same denominations.
3 weeks ago Dad won a reasonable amount of money gambling.
I don’t know the exact amount, but I did see it in his wallet.
I withheld one of his weekly cash I get for him, and told him as it was his grandchildren’s birthdays coming up I would keep it aside. He agreed.
He’s still quite aware and generally his short term memory for most things is ok.

But No! This week I’ve been accused of not giving him any money for a month.
I just repeat myself over and over, I work for a bank, I know exactly how much I took out, and how much I gave him.
Apparently now, the money that he won, was money for a friend that he won and was looking after
He’s been asking about Mums pension, where’s her money? and also how much money him & mum have got.
Their money is safely away.

My sister wants me to get a book and get Dad to sign for his weekly money.
Does anyone think this is worth a go?

 

[Rosettastone57]

I never had this with my Mum ( Alzheimers now in care ) apart from her getting stroppy, me splitting her weekly cash into 3 weekly lots in case she lost it.

Dad has mixed dementia.
Mum used to give him a weekly sum, which I continued throughout her dementia.
Mums been in care 3 yrs, and in fact Dad gets more a week now than Mum would allow him.
Every Monday I get him the same amount, same denominations.
3 weeks ago Dad won a reasonable amount of money gambling.
I don’t know the exact amount, but I did see it in his wallet.
I withheld one of his weekly cash I get for him, and told him as it was his grandchildren’s birthdays coming up I would keep it aside. He agreed.
He’s still quite aware and generally his short term memory for most things is ok.

But No! This week I’ve been accused of not giving him any money for a month.
I just repeat myself over and over, I work for a bank, I know exactly how much I took out, and how much I gave him.
Apparently now, the money that he won, was money for a friend that he won and was looking after
He’s been asking about Mums pension, where’s her money? and also how much money him & mum have got.
Their money is safely away.

My sister wants me to get a book and get Dad to sign for his weekly money.
Does anyone think this is worth a go?

I'm not sure if a book signing would work. With my mother-in-law, she didn't recognise her own handwriting if you were to show her subsequently and anyway would deny it was her that had signed anything. No magic answers I'm afraid but when my mother-in-law accused us of taking away a large sum of money £12,000 we resorted to a bit of subterfuge. We had gone with online banking she had no access to it and she was not receiving any bank statements. We had in fact moved £12,000 from her current account to her online savings account.. somewhere along the line she had remembered my husband had previously mentioned large sum of money and was therefore convinced as she didn't get statements that this has gone missing. My husband printed off an old statement from the bank showing the £12,000 still in the current account he then scanned it altered the date to show today's date, printed it off and then gave it to his mother. This convinced her totally that she still had the £12,000 and we had not stolen it ..we never heard anything further about it.

 

[canary]

Oh Lin I do feel for you. My mum had an obsession with money and constantly accused me of stealing from her. When I cleared out her bungalow I found she had stashes of it hidden all over her house.

You could try the book. Im not sure that it would work as I also think he wouldnt believe it, but it probably wont hurt to try.

 

[Champers]

It does seem as though money - and particularly cash - does seem to be one of the ‘fixations’ that manifest itself with dementia. I suppose it’s because it represents security to us all.

My mother is the same. Rings regularly saying she has to have cash, even though we have redirected all her bills and pay absolutely everything online. My very kind husband (nicer than me!) gave her £100 in cash, just to give her peace of mind. He showed her exactly where he’d put in in her handbag. Cue the next hysterical phone call that someone had snatched her purse and taken all her money. Strange, when she never goes out anywhere. When we visited, I found all the money squirrelled in a shoe in her wardrobe. She absolutely denied putting it there and was adamant ‘someone’ else must have done it. Having real money seems to be more trouble than it’s worth. At the suggestion of a lovely person on here, I ordered some very convincing play bank notes and have put several small bundles of them around her house so if she hides one lot, she quickly comes across another pile which she possibly thinks are the same ones which reassures her that she isn’t ‘cashless’

 

[Linbrusco]

Yesterday I had the
“ I can’t find my money, it must have dropped out my wallet”

This is Dads go to, when he’s trying to cover up the fact that he’s spent every penny and wants more... mainly to buy cigarettes.
He’s been doing it for years and Mum used to fall for it every time.
It’s hard to know where dementia and obvious lies of a life time start & end with Dad.

I wish I could trick Dad with fake money