advice needed (what to do now)

[do.what.can]

Hello everyone, my mother in law has az (8yrs) its gone fairly slowly but now we are at the stage .
she does not know any of us just that we are a friendly face.
she is now in incontinent pullups.
she can not hold a conversation just goes off on a tangent
she is still at her home with her out of work son but we have 4 cariers a day come in to bath and feed mum she has wanderd so now he locks the door so she can't get out (that is while he is there) she only seems to wander when he is in , but she has started to refuse to let cariers near her she will not get up in morning will not take meds or wash. my husband and i are called every day most days she comes around and will take her meds for us and eat a bit but these periods of being angry are getting more common is it time we look at homes, sw has asked before if we wanted to go that route but we want to keep her home as long as poss . any advice welcome

 

[Margarita]

What does her son say about it who she live with ?

is he finding it hard to cope with his mother symptoms?

 

[do.what.can]

he could'nt accept it at first he thought if he shouted things at her she would snap out of it

 

[Margarita]

Your should get him a few books on dementia to read .

When I was living mum in Gibraltar.

I left mum with her sister telling mum not to move Just wait for me .

An hour later I go back mum sister tell me that that mum just walk out after they had an augment.

I could not find mum anywhere so I phone the police who told me social service have my mother, because a taxi driver found her looking confused lost. Now this was in a country that my mother lived in till she was 30 years old so she knew her way around it. Then mum told me that her sister keeps shouting at her, she never staying there without me . Mind you the feeling work both way with her sister .

So what I am getting at her son shouting at her is only going to confused her more if she prone to wondering out, no wonder he has to lock the door whiles his in the house with her.

How do you find your MIL behavior to handle when she with you ?

 

[Margaret W]

Is her son allowed to lock her in? Is it legal? I was told it is not.

Margaret

 

[Lynne]

The way I see it ...

Your Mum and brother-in-law are in a situation beyond what he can cope with, and that's the bottom line. (Whilst I appreciate whether his locking her in the house while he is there is LEGAL or not is important to some, as regards your search for advice I think it a red herring.)

I think you need to get in touch with the SW again to see what's available. The fact that you wanted MiL to stay at home some time ago is not really relevant - things change, illnesses and behaviours develop, the situation is now different. The relationship between mother & son sounds very strained now (not blaming him, caring IS stressful) & may be making her behaviour worse than it might be in more relaxed surroundings. It sounds as if he can't be expected to care for her for much longer (only my opinion) but that may have implications for his continuing to live in her house if she moves into a care home.

Best wishes, please keep us posted as to how things go.

 

[Skye]

I'm afraid I agree with Lynne.

Your BIl is clearly not able to cope with your MIL, and for her own safety she needs to have 24 hour care.

Things change so quickly with this disease, and although you wanted to keep your MIL at home for as long as possible, I think the time may have come for a re-think.

I think it would be a good idea to ring your SW and ask for a re-assessment.

I don't think there's a problem with locking the doors when your BIL is there, I keep my doors locked all the time, that's what the police recommend. Of course, if he went out and locked her in, that might be another matter!

 

[Margarita]

Has BIL ever had any respite care since he been caring for his mother ?

As in your MIL going into a care home for a few weeks. As then you all can as a family, have a rest from caring for your MIL .

Then Go from there about deciding full time Care home .

 

[do.what.can]

thank you all for your reply's. my brother in law is not so bad as he was at first.and although he lives at mums he only makes a cup of tea or gives her a drink now and then and he does go out usually every day for a good few hours so he is not caring for her on his own. we have 4 cariers a day in and some one comes in to clean once a week. we have had a bad week where she would not get up for any of the carers so they were ringing us . we would go up and get her dressed and give meds she has been like it all week then the other day she just changed and has been getting up ok and been cheery. we have now checked and she has water infection but she cheered up before we gave antibiotic's so i dont know if it was that making her funny with carer's.what worried me most was she was off her food and she did not get awash all week.