take mum to great grandchild's baptism?

Lellyhelly

Registered User
Jul 27, 2019
39
0
I am new here, my mum has alzheimers and has been in a care home for 3 months. She's coping OK but is increasingly confused. She just about recognises me most of the time. My first grandchild, mum's first great grandchild is to be baptised in a few weeks. This will be a big affair,lots of people attending, marquee and hogroast. My son would love his grandma to attend, but I am concerned that mum might find the occasion overwhelming
Does anyone have any advice?

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anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
808
0
Hi Lellyhelly and welcome to TP
My mum has been diagnosed for 3 and a half years, still at home at the moment and recognising family members. She's ok if we go out for a meal in a very small group, and seems to enjoy this, tho withdrawn and not following the conversation.
I think my mum would find a big affair very overwhelming. Does she recognise your son. I can understand why he would like her there, but feel that this would impact on your enjoyment of this special occasion too, you will be responsible for her. Would it not be possible to take photos, record the baptism to share with your mum later in the care home? Your son could also take the baby to visit to share with his nan too.
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,283
0
SW London
I wouldn't. She may well have no idea what is going on, and big social occasions with lots of people can be very confusing/anxiety making for anyone with dementia.

I would tell your son that sadly, your mum's dementia means that she's no longer at all likely to enjoy the occasion, and that it might well only confuse or agitate her.

Some of us have had to learn this sort of lesson the hard way - I know we did, with my FiL. It was all too easy to assume that because he'd enjoyed this or that family occasion pre dementia, he would still enjoy similar occasions.
How wrong we were - but you live and learn.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
4,415
0
Newcastle
It is not a good idea for her to go, sadly. It will take a lot of organising, be stressful for all concerned (especially you), take away from the enjoyment of a special occasion and, even if she knows what it is all about, she is unlikely to remember. If she goes and gets over-tired it could take days to get back to 'normal', undoing any progress that has been made in settling her into her care home. When my mother was in care she loved anything to do with babies and small children and derived great pleasure from this. The idea of showing photographs and taking the baby to see her sounds a much better prospect.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,839
0
It is not a good idea for her to go, sadly. It will take a lot of organising, be stressful for all concerned (especially you), take away from the enjoyment of a special occasion and, even if she knows what it is all about, she is unlikely to remember. If she goes and gets over-tired it could take days to get back to 'normal', undoing any progress that has been made in settling her into her care home. When my mother was in care she loved anything to do with babies and small children and derived great pleasure from this. The idea of showing photographs and taking the baby to see her sounds a much better prospect.

I agree. When my mother-in-law was in a care home , we never considered taking her out, even for Christmas dinner. There was no way she could cope with the change of venue, she became aggressive with the slightest change of routine
 

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