I shouted and screamed today ,I banged on my cupboard door . Is this normal or am I out of order . Let me explain why ,I have been waiting for today in a long while , since it has been arranged .he wanted to go to the toilet , okay I said . Let’s go now before I go out . He knew I was going out , he even said you have been looking forward to this . To cut a long story short I ended up using the wheelchair to get him back in the bedroom.. my sister picked me up and I had a bloody good day . Sorry for the swearing. I’m sat here awake while he sleeps with no covers on and has his legs on top of me . I apologised for shouting and screaming .
Frustration
- Thread starter fairy62
- Start date
The reason for my frustration I was going out with my family on a much needed break . Felt guilty but it was much needed
Hi @fairy62 ,
I'm sorry you feel guilty because you have the right to spend some time with your family, far from that awful world of dementia in which we are forced to live, to the detriment of our physical and mental health.
Telling you " don't feel guilty" sounds useless, because the sense of guilt is an emotion which, as such, is difficult to keep at bay with reasonings.
I understand your feelings and hope you can learn to take care of yourself and your needs.
I'm sorry you feel guilty because you have the right to spend some time with your family, far from that awful world of dementia in which we are forced to live, to the detriment of our physical and mental health.
Telling you " don't feel guilty" sounds useless, because the sense of guilt is an emotion which, as such, is difficult to keep at bay with reasonings.
I understand your feelings and hope you can learn to take care of yourself and your needs.
I keep getting told that a lot lately, look after yourself as well . It’s so flipping hard though x
I know it's hard to look after yourself. I wondered if you have any support for your husband or yourself.
It might be useful to see if there is an Admiral Nurse in your area. I've heard good reports about them on the forum.
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
If you haven't already done this then it would be good to have an assessment if needs fir your husband and a carers' assessment for yourself. There's information on both here -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/assessment-care-support-england
Perhaps this fact sheet might be of some help -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/looking-after-yourself
It might be useful to see if there is an Admiral Nurse in your area. I've heard good reports about them on the forum.
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
If you haven't already done this then it would be good to have an assessment if needs fir your husband and a carers' assessment for yourself. There's information on both here -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/assessment-care-support-england
Perhaps this fact sheet might be of some help -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/looking-after-yourself
I don't know what the answer is, caring is I think one of the hardest jobs in the world, not just physically doing the things that matter, but emotionally too
I know many of us do get frustrated, I usually walk away and utter something under my breath. A few days ago the frustration I felt was quite immense and so slammed the middle back door the glass fell out and broke (probably due to being slammed frequently these days).
I feel guilty all the time at the moment whatever I do, if its for a few moments respite or going to work (yes thats daft but I do), so good on you for doing what you needed to do and giving yourself a break
I know many of us do get frustrated, I usually walk away and utter something under my breath. A few days ago the frustration I felt was quite immense and so slammed the middle back door the glass fell out and broke (probably due to being slammed frequently these days).
I feel guilty all the time at the moment whatever I do, if its for a few moments respite or going to work (yes thats daft but I do), so good on you for doing what you needed to do and giving yourself a break
I kick the doors or slam them and swear a lot . It’s very frustrating dealing with someone you can’t get through to and who has no empathy or compassion for anyone and who only thinks about themselves!
When I used to work I felt guilty for leaving him alone even though he was capable of looking after himself! He never stopped moaning about be alone even though he could go out then on his own and would visit his cousin up the road most days. I only worked 3 days term time,
When I used to work I felt guilty for leaving him alone even though he was capable of looking after himself! He never stopped moaning about be alone even though he could go out then on his own and would visit his cousin up the road most days. I only worked 3 days term time,
If screaming and slamming doors helps, join the club because I feel sure that we are all driven to it at times.
Caring for someone with dementia is an emotionally exhausting experience. Throw in the physical requirements and fatigue and you have the perfect recipe for your reaction.
For many of us, it is a thankless and mind numbing existence so just know that you are not on your own. Forget the guilt. You don't deserve to feel like that.
Caring for someone with dementia is an emotionally exhausting experience. Throw in the physical requirements and fatigue and you have the perfect recipe for your reaction.
For many of us, it is a thankless and mind numbing existence so just know that you are not on your own. Forget the guilt. You don't deserve to feel like that.
Ditto to all the above. I sometimes wonder, when all this is over, will I go back to being the gentle and calm person I used to be, or will I go around swearing to the end of my days?
I wonder that as well. It's not just the PWD who is changing, I think us carers change as well. I think we have to in order to cope with everything.
I think we do change, we begin to adapt (Based on Darwins idea that the those who survive are not the strongest or weakest but who can adapt: something humans are instantly capable of). How we adapt is what matters and having the insight to know where we are at ourselves ....thats my philosophy anyway
My mother-in-law was diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder and narcissistic personality disorder in her adult years. She also exhibited signs of hypochondria. My husband and his sister, who had been emotionally abused in childhood with their mother's problems had developed coping strategies to deal with her very early on in their lives. They had had to change the way they behaved around her to try and limit her impact. I think it's inevitable that such changes take place, otherwise family or carers can be overwhelmed by feelings of frustration. Her daughter moved abroad in the end and in fact barely acknowledged her mother eventually going into care.
It took family members a long time to realise that anything untoward was happening with my mother-in-law, in terms of her developing dementia, as she had always behaved differently to others. My husband now regrets that he didn't do more for her eg getting her GP more on board earlier, even though he resented her constant neediness. With hindsight, she probably had dementia several years before the actual diagnosis. I'm pleased in a way that we had coping mechanisms set up in advance of the dementia, otherwise we would have found dealing with her so much harder.
