Where next ?

[floyd96]

Hi all
My father has dementia, my mothers gp believes that she is showing signs of dementia as well. There is a care package in place for them both which SS have arranged, though they dispute it is needed.

They both refuse to have LPA'S, now they have received a financial assessment form which they say they will not complete, also there are no utility bills or bank statements in the house, as my father seems to be ripping them up as soon as they receive them and putting them in the dustbin.

The mental health team and SS are both aware of this, and as a family we are wondering how to solve this issue.
If anyone can give any advice as what are next step would be regarding this issue it would be very helpful.
Thanks in advance

 

[Jale]

Sorry, not going to be much help, but when we were trying to get mum to sign LPA's she totally ignored us until we said that if she was poorly then her care and finances would be taken out of our hands and Social Services would take over. Not a nice thing to say but it had the desired results.

 

[floyd96]

Sorry, not going to be much help, but when we were trying to get mum to sign LPA's she totally ignored us until we said that if she was poorly then her care and finances would be taken out of our hands and Social Services would take over. Not a nice thing to say but it had the desired results.

Hi jale
I have told them that on numerous occassions and their reply was no one is going to tell us how to live our lives, we will do as we want when we want and definately no one will get there hands on our money.

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry your parents Dementia is causing so much heartache for you, floyd96. Sadly SS and GPs can't get involved unless there is consent, so I'm not sure where to go with that problem.
Have you tried the National Dementia Helpline for free professional advice.
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
IS this link any help or relevance to you https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/assessing-capacity ? Sorry if that's a misunderstanding of the situation.

 

[canary]

My mum absolutely refused to give me (or anyone else) POA as she said that I was stealing from her.
Eventually, she lost capacity, would have been unable to do POA and I had to go through the Court of Protection to get deputyship, which gives power very similar to POA.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @floyd96
you seem to be caught in the hinterland of the capacity question ... if your father still has capacity he is at liberty to make his own decisions, however contrary or unwise
practically it might be tempting to try to intercept their post, eg by putting up a US style mailbox outside their property, and having a quick read before putting the post through their letterbox ... but without LPA or Deputyship you don't have the authority to do that
and without knowing about their finances you can't help them fill in the financial assessment form ... however, if the care package is for your dad and he has a high level of income and savings, then he would be self-funding anyway and expected to simply pay any care fees ... the crunch is if his finances are such that the LA would be contributing, though in that case, I guess it's up to the LA how they proceed without a completed form

at least they are, however reluctantly, putting up with having a care package in place

do they at all grasp that if they don't arrange LPAs and eg end up in hospital unconscious, then exactly what they do not want could happen and a professional Deputy could be appointed to make decisions for them without consulting family and charging them quite a fee ... at least with LPAs they could tell you what they would expect you to do

sadly, you may not be able to solve any of this, and simply be waiting until you can apply to be a Deputy

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I got Mums best friend to talk to her about LPA & we went through a solicitor as Mum was problematic about the forms. The solicitor was able to guide us through it, & has made helping get finances sorted invaluable.

 

[Rosettastone57]

Hi jale
I have told them that on numerous occassions and their reply was no one is going to tell us how to live our lives, we will do as we want when we want and definately no one will get there hands on our money.

My mother-in-law was very much like this she had a personality disorder most of her adult life which eventually developed into dementia. She had paranoia as well and was very suspicious of both myself and my husband about getting power of attorney. This is what we did ,it was a long-term plan of action I'm not saying this will work with your parents but it certainly worked with my mother-in-law.

Firstly we knew with her paranoia that she would not trust any professionals to tell her what to do or to be a certificate provider. I approached one of her neighbours who had known her for several years and explained the problem. She agreed to be the certificate provider and also agreed to visit my mother-in-law to explain and gently put into conversation what a good idea it was to have power of attorney. No family members were present during the neighbours visits . Both her family were doing POA at the same time. It also helped that my husband and I were also applying for power of attorney for each other. The idea was to gradually put the idea into conversation as if it was a normal course of events and everyone was doing it at her age. The neighbour's visits ,with us not present, took place over several weeks. We got the forms ready and eventually both the neighbour ,my husband and I did a visit to my mother-in-law by which time she was so used to having the idea that it was normal that she eventually signed the papers . It was all about my mother-in-law not being seen as different to anyone else.

 

[McBeagle]

It sounds like you could apply to be deputy for your father now. The GP or another medical professional would have to complete the Court form to confirm the current level of his capacity. The forms and other info are here: https://www.gov.uk/become-deputy/apply-deputy