Brothers Asking What If I Am Considering Moving Out When The Probate Form Is Completed.

[MaNaAk]

Hello Everyone!

I know that it is now just over two months since dad passed away so I suppose I should have some idea as to what I want to do with dad's house which I am living in. I have got one or two ideas but somehow I still panic a little when my brothers ask this. I know they are entitled to know as it is their inheritance and the solicitor will need to know. The bereavement leaflet that I have says that I should give myself at least six months since dad's death before I make decisions so I know I need to make them at some point but although I feel stronger I feel I want to do it in my own time.

I'm still finding that I need a lot of strength to deal with things just like when I cared for dad. I feel better just typing this and I also feel that this was brought up by two invisibles and one of them brought it up a week after dad's funeral.

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

Sorry for the grammatical error in the title!

MaNaAk

 

[Jessbow]

To expect them to wait 6 months because a leaflet says so , is a bit hard.

presumably you have an idea about what needs to happen.

property involved- have you inherited 1/3 ? Can you afford to but the other 2/3? If you cant you must have realised you need to be making plans sometime soon

 

[MaNaAk]

Yes! I know you're right Jessbow. I have to look at the ups and downs of the plan I have in mind before I tell my brothers. What I have had to put up with from my invisibles is the lectures concerning my money and dad's money?

They were both against dad going into a home and they both had plans to get him out but I suppose it is good that they were concerned about me becoming homeless but they have no idea how difficult it is to look after some with dementia. One of them told about the worse side of his part-time job as a hospital cleaner when he was younger but visited us three times in the year that dad was diagnosed.

The one visited dad saw dad once after Christmas and brought up the subject of the house a week after dad's funeral and told me that I should take a couple of weeks to think things through. He gave me a lift to the hospital when dad was admitted and then left for work. There was a family waiting in the same relatives room as me who asked if I had anyone with me and I told them about my brothers. At that point I was about to ask the elder one to come down and I did say that the other one was local but it seemed strange to some people that he wasn't there.

I have done my bit in dealing with dad's affairs now I will deal with his wishes. As I said I am stronger now but need to get on with my own life as well and I have started to take on more Piano and Violin pupils and I also hope to play in dad's care home again.

MaNaAk

 

[love.dad.but..]

Different to you but I had two fairly invisible sisters with very limited input from them either in dad's care or dealing with any of his affairs..their choice, their reasons. Yes...very frustrating and upsetting to leave all the worry to me especially with an OH during chemo. We had to sell dad's house to pay for care so when he died at least that part had already been dealt with. Once all his post death affairs were concluded by me I decided not to go over and keep trying to analyse their attitude, I couldn't influence it at the time so not much chance that they would see things differently now, in my mind the times I got cross, upset, worried about the enormity of the decisions and mental strain, left disappointed at their lack of concern or proactiveness should now be left in the past. I think it is reasonable for your brothers to know how as per your dad's will instructions, affairs and inheritance can be settled once probate has been achieved. They would not want you homeless but equally if you cannot buy their share of the property and one of them cannot buy your share then selling the property is the only solution. In the current property climate it may take months to sell so you still have plenty of time to make plans for your future but I can understand, regardless of how they were or weren't during the caring years, that they want a conclusion to be discussed and agreed between all siblings.

 

[Bunpoots]

I really feel for you @MaNaAk

I do agree with @love.dad.but.. and I think that even if you put the property on the market it would take some time to sell. I’ve noticed that rentals are flying off the shelves so to speak in my area but sales have slowed. I suspect because of Brexit uncertainty.

A difficult time for you. My dad’s been gone for 8 months now but for the first 3-4 months I really felt numb and unable to do anything I didn’t have to.
It gets better with time.

 

[Moggymad]

Having to sell the house & move out of what has been your home for so long is hard@MaNaAk. A certain amount of resentment would be understandable especially when you did ALL of the caring. It was your life that was disrupted, unsupported by your brothers whose lives carried on as normal. And now they want their inheritance which I know is their right. If there was any fairness to this you would be able to stay there, having earned the right (in my opinion) to continue living in your home until you were ready to move on. Unfortunately that's not the way it goes so that's the final blow to the carer who was just left to deal with it all sadly.
I hope you can move on to a happy independent life away from your brothers control knowing that what you did for your dad made him happy & came from the love in your heart.

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou all for your support. This is the next chapter and we will all have to negotiate together but I will have to make sure that I don't get lectured into something that's not suitable for me. I don't want to move and there is an option that I could consider to help me to stay but I do also have the option to move. Either way it will take time to sort out and I will make sure that I don't fret too much beforehand. There were times when I was beside myself with worry over dad and like all of us here as Kevinl's motto says if you're going through hell keep getting. After all it couldn't get much worse.

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

Also it is my birthday tomorrow so whilst I shall be thinking about this I will also be celebrating.

 

[Philbo]

Also it is my birthday tomorrow so whilst I shall be thinking about this I will also be celebrating.

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

Phil

 

[love.dad.but..]

Thankyou all for your support. This is the next chapter and we will all have to negotiate together but I will have to make sure that I don't get lectured into something that's not suitable for me. I don't want to move and there is an option that I could consider to help me to stay but I do also have the option to move. Either way it will take time to sort out and I will make sure that I don't fret too much beforehand. There were times when I was beside myself with worry over dad and like all of us here as Kevinl's motto says if you're going through hell keep getting. After all it couldn't get much worse.

MaNaAk

I feel for you in a difficult situation with your brothers. Perhaps make notes for just yourself of what outcome you wish for in terms of the will and what is possible financially. Emotionally it will be hard for you to reach some decisions but once yòu have you may find things fall into place in being able to move forward with your life independently. If you are resolute in sticking with what is achievable for you all to agree to whilst recognising there may be no option other than selling the house, you won't be swayed.

Happy birthday have a lovely day.

 

[Banjomansmate]

I would think that you have until probate is granted before you have to make a decision, which might give you a little breathing time to mull things over in your mind. If it involves selling the property maybe you could get an idea of how much it might sell for to help with your decisions?

Enjoy your Birthday!

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou all so much for your replies but I want to ask you whether you have ever done probate on-line my brother is doing this and he is coming on Thursday to complete the form. My question is this will I have to come up with an answer then?

After dad passed away we tied up some loose ends and then I prepared to go on holiday. When I came back I tied up a few more loose ends and now I know I need to start thinking about the house. One idea was to rent out the upstairs as a flat and I know that a lot of work is needed but my brother says that this would be unfair as I would have the downstairs and he and my other brother would have the upstairs plus my youngest brother is in a one bedroom flat which isn't even his so he would need his money in a lump sum to buy his own place. He reminded me that I need to think about other people and he is disappointed that I haven't thought anymore about the conversation that he had with me about a month ago.

Anyway if anyone can answer my question as to whether I would need to give my brother an answer by Thursday I would be grateful.

PS: Lovedadbut I always think of your dad in pink sparkly glasses with four different walking sticks!

MaNaAk

 

[McBeagle]

You wouldn't have to put the house on the market when applying for the grant of probate, although you can. However, the other beneficiaries will be due their share and it sounds like the house will need to be sold. Very unlikely that the rental would give the other beneficiaries their share in a reasonable timescale.

 

[AliceA]

Happy birthday, MaNaAk.

Do not be rushed, use stalling tactics. Now is not a good time to sell in many areas. So think about your options, yes but be careful about decisions. With love, xxx

 

[Spamar]

You do realise that probate involves an estimate of the house price? I used some estate agents to do that, not cheap, by the way. Homes are quite variable where I live, so couldn’t do a ‘just have a quick check on rightmove’!

 

[MaNaAk]

You are all so wonderful! Yes! I had a nice day yesterday although it was tinged with sadness as I remembered taking da out of the care home for the first time last year and he thoroughly enjoyed himself! Yes! I know decisions have to be made and dad's assets need to be assessed. If I have to sell then this would take time and we would have to clear the house. I will make sure that I find a property for my pets and for my music teaching.

Also I did enjoy my birthday and on Saturday I had a meal out with friends. On Sunday I went for a lovely walk in a local nature reserve in the Thames Estuary. In the evening I went out for a meal with my youngest brother and his partner and the evening went well although he demonstrated some ignorance over caring and dementia. More than four years after diagnosis he says he's done research into the subject and he says that dementia can run in the family and one way of avoiding dementia is to do something out of your routine. I can see his point but it's a bit late for us luckily I only know of dad getting dementia in our family but my brother went on to say do you think dad liked hearing that he had Alzheimers. I said that to get diagnosis dad had to undergo a brain scan and bloodtest and infact our hospital gave him a full medical. They had to make sure that dad was as fit as he could be and I said without diagnosis he would not have had the medication that stabilised him to start with infact he would have been in a home a lot sooner and we wouldn't have to worry about inheritance! You have to see the comicalside!

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

Phil

I went out for a walk yesterday and I was looking out towards you from a little island on the Essex side of the estuary. I saw the Battle Of Britain Memorial flight going towards you as well.

MaNaAk