Last hurdle - how to her mum to care home tomorrow morning!

Lindie16

Registered User
Nov 25, 2018
37
0
Hi all
After some advise!
After 3 months of battling to get mum into a care home - long story- I have finally found somewhere that will accept her.
The assessment was supposed to be in her home today however at the last min the care home asked her to come in for the assessment.
It went really well and they seemed happy that they could assist her needs. Now here is the issue - as we left mum turned to me and said ‘I won’t ever come back here’
I was literally shocked! She got on so well with the staff and the residents that she met all looked so happy to see her and her them
After getting home she is very angry with me for suggesting she stays there and is adamant that she won’t go. I have said it’s a holiday and it’s only for a few days whilst I go away with work. I hate telling lies but I just can’t think of any other way to get her there in the morning!
My mum is quirky in that she won’t remember what she had for breakfast 2 mins ago but i just know she will remember the home when we arrive. I have images of my trying to yank her out of the car!
Help!! What should I do?!?
We have been waiting so long to get her in somewhere suitable and it seems we are falling at the last hurdle!
L
 

Carrot74

Registered User
Aug 7, 2019
10
0
Oh gosh bless you - I don't know why I'm replying other than to try and send you some support. It sounds such a tricky situation and I think you're trying the right things perhaps by presenting it not as a permanent situation at first? I'm sure others with more experience will be able to add alot more and will have some tried and tested suggestions - I just wanted to say take care and let us know how you get on
 

Lindie16

Registered User
Nov 25, 2018
37
0
Thank you xx
Oh gosh bless you - I don't know why I'm replying other than to try and send you some support. It sounds such a tricky situation and I think you're trying the right things perhaps by presenting it not as a permanent situation at first? I'm sure others with more experience will be able to add alot more and will have some tried and tested suggestions - I just wanted to say take care and let us know how you get on
A
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
30,081
0
Bury
Agreed, difficult situation
Any chance that she could accept that that a new government imitative means that she can have a FREE (paid for by the government) holiday at the home.
Acceptance would ease the move, then it's fait accompli and take it from there.
 

Lindie16

Registered User
Nov 25, 2018
37
0
It’s worth a try!
I’m hoping tomorrow she forgets she has been there and is happy to go
I am so poorly health wise after running myself into the ground to look after mum. I really need it to happen. So sad
Agreed, difficult situation
Any chance that she could accept that that a new government imitative means that she can have a FREE (paid for by the government) holiday at the home.
Acceptance would ease the move, then it's fait accompli and take it from there.
[/QU
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
That's a tricky one, and I hope it goes well today. Good your mum seemed happy there yesterday, let's hope she forgets what she thought yesterday and accepts it. Maybe don't say too much about how long it's for?
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,958
0
"Ok"
Walk away, let her calm down for an hour or two. Contact the Home let them know what's happening.
"Come on then, lets go for a coffee, and cake."
Drive to Home, let her sit in the car, whilst you go,and announce her arrival. Then walk away, well out of sight, let the staff persuade her out of the car, and into the building. They will have done this many times before.
Worry about luggage later, just leave it with the staff to unpack.

Don't visit for at least ten days, let her get to know her surroundings.

It's hard, been there got the tee shirt...

Bod
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
Sounds like very good advice from Bod. Mum's care home got her settled in the first instance by taking off their name badges and giving her a glass of fizz so she thought of it more like a hotel experience. I'm sure the staff will have strategies for every sort of scenario.
Thinking of you @Lindie16
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
1,685
0
Very much agree with the above, care home staff have strategies.
It is very hard, but the overall good - or at least the least worst option for all of you - not just Mum is what needs to be focused on. If this latest try doesn't work, could someone else try taking her? Reassure yourself with the fact that most care homes have dealt with something similar even though it feels like the hardest thing for you. I also didn't visit for a few days to let my Mum settle in. She is now settled.
 

daveyshadow

Registered User
Jan 14, 2015
40
0
Wow, just came on to the forum for support and I feel for you. This is the situation we envisage ourselves in, in a few weeks time too.
I hope the support and ideas others come up with here are helpful - I will check back for tips! and I really do send all my best wishes and hopes for you all x
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
808
0
Hoping that all has gone well this morning . I, too, will be checking back for tips as see myself in this position in the not too distant future and really don't know how it will work out. It's a difficult situation and hope you get support to manage it x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
I think it was extremely unhelpful for the care home to insist that you took your mum there for the assessment, knowing that she would be coming in in such a short time, so it would be playing on her mind - even if she could no longer remember the details.
 

Lindie16

Registered User
Nov 25, 2018
37
0
Thank you so much for all your replies! I have been a whirlwind of moving mum into home, feeling of guilt, overwhelming feeling of happiness that mum is being cared for and then back into plummeting anxiety.
In the end my other half drove mum to the care home under the ruse of going somewhere for tea and cake. Whilst they were in the cafe I set up her room with all of her things. It turns out that my OH was the best person to take mum as he was not so emotionally involved and could distract mum far easier than me. I think mum feeds of my energy and knows when I am nervous and anxious - which leads her to be like that also.
It’s been 5 days and all reports are good in terms of her eating, drinking etc. She does however pack up her clothes every day - sometime twice - as she thinks she is going home.
I am going to visit her for the first time today. So nervous as if she asks to go home i know i am going to break down.
Bringing our dog with us - who Shen lives- to try to provide some distraction.
Wish me luck!
Thank you so much to everyone on here that have taken the time to message me and give support. Could not have done so much of this journey with mouth you all x