Trying to stay on top of it all

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
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My Mum has liquid or crushed tablets for the same reason. This has worked well for us, but you may need to get DOLS team agreement as this is considered "covert" administration. We arranged this fairly easily and the staff sometimes add liquid or powdered meds to her food if she is particularly unkeen.
 

elvismad

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
289
0
I went to see mum on Saturday, it had been 2 weeks since my last visit (after which she fell and broke her nose) and her bruises are fading , as is she...Mum weighs just 48 kilo's. I see her and my heart breaks.
My brother has been liaising with social services regarding weekend 1:1 as that's when most of the fall seems to occur. There have been some promising noises so we have some hope hat help may be forthcoming. In the meantime we are arranging a further eye test as requested by SS and the care home are proving all information requested of them..
Mum really did not know me. Her face lit up as carers passed by and she said hello and got smiles and handshakes back. As for me, I remained cheery and assisted mum with her lunch. Mum ate well. There was no other interaction so that time is precious to me. I tried to tell her about my Zip Wire weekend in Wales last week (she was always keen to hear of my mad activities) but mum did not show any indication that she understood me. I have lost my life confidant. It is a huge, deep, bleak hole in my life. I have come to realise that the only person I ever wanted to impress was mum.
I am Abseiling down the Spinnaker tower this weekend to raise funds for the AS. I will tell mum about it when I visit this weekend.
Happy Easter to you all.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
7,085
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Chester
we are arranging a further eye test

I am not sure there is a lot of benefit in an eye test, as it doesn't measure the loss of spatial awareness and reaction/processing time for the eyes to tell the brain what to do, and might well distress your mum to put her through this.

Things have changed since but in my mum's case, before I was fully aware of and understood dementia I took her for an eye test. I was absolutely gobsmacked that the glasses she had were correct. Roll on 6 months and post crisis and me stopping her driving, I realised that it was spatial awareness which was the issue. So whenever she was with me I insisted she used a walking stick, as she couldn't see the kerbs or changes in gradient but the info from the walking stick to her brain gave enough feedback, which she wasn't getting from her eyes to mean she could negotiate these objects, she didn't actually need the stick for balance, but it meant she could negotiate steps.

In the situation where your mum caught her foot on a table, I am not sure that correct glasses would prevent this, as processing of the information is often the issue with dementia, and she clearly didn't see the table, and also didn't have time to react to a fall in the way we would.
 

elvismad

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
289
0
I am not sure there is a lot of benefit in an eye test, as it doesn't measure the loss of spatial awareness and reaction/processing time for the eyes to tell the brain what to do, and might well distress your mum to put her through this.

Things have changed since but in my mum's case, before I was fully aware of and understood dementia I took her for an eye test. I was absolutely gobsmacked that the glasses she had were correct. Roll on 6 months and post crisis and me stopping her driving, I realised that it was spatial awareness which was the issue. So whenever she was with me I insisted she used a walking stick, as she couldn't see the kerbs or changes in gradient but the info from the walking stick to her brain gave enough feedback, which she wasn't getting from her eyes to mean she could negotiate these objects, she didn't actually need the stick for balance, but it meant she could negotiate steps.

In the situation where your mum caught her foot on a table, I am not sure that correct glasses would prevent this, as processing of the information is often the issue with dementia, and she clearly didn't see the table, and also didn't have time to react to a fall in the way we would.

Hi @jugglingmum

I couldn't agree more regarding the lack of spatial awareness. I too doubt there is any point in a further eye test - she had one in October 2018 (when she was much more 'aware'). Unfortunately we need to complete this 'tick box exercise' to have any hope of obtaining a level of 1:1 support. My brother will be with mum and he will ensure that if mum shows signs of becoming distressed the testing will cease.

Mum clearly has difficulty processing information. She will reach for things that are not there and everything handed to her is put to her mouth. She has no interest in her surroundings or anything going on around her. Her sole purpose is to pace the home

Mum has various walking aids - none of which she can use. Mum drags her walking stick behind her, making it a further trip hazard- my brother has brought this to the attention of Social Services- and mum abandons her rollator constantly.

Mum has had 2 further 'minor' falls - Friday evening and Sunday midday. I think we are now at 16 since mum moved into her home on 4th Jan 2019. On the occasions where falls have been witnessed, carers have confirmed that mum makes no attempt to' save herself' so she is clearly unable to recognise or process the danger.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,839
0
Hi @jugglingmum

I couldn't agree more regarding the lack of spatial awareness. I too doubt there is any point in a further eye test - she had one in October 2018 (when she was much more 'aware'). Unfortunately we need to complete this 'tick box exercise' to have any hope of obtaining a level of 1:1 support. My brother will be with mum and he will ensure that if mum shows signs of becoming distressed the testing will cease.

Mum clearly has difficulty processing information. She will reach for things that are not there and everything handed to her is put to her mouth. She has no interest in her surroundings or anything going on around her. Her sole purpose is to pace the home

Mum has various walking aids - none of which she can use. Mum drags her walking stick behind her, making it a further trip hazard- my brother has brought this to the attention of Social Services- and mum abandons her rollator constantly.

Mum has had 2 further 'minor' falls - Friday evening and Sunday midday. I think we are now at 16 since mum moved into her home on 4th Jan 2019. On the occasions where falls have been witnessed, carers have confirmed that mum makes no attempt to' save herself' so she is clearly unable to recognise or process the danger.
My mother-in-law was exactly the same. She was unable to recognize or process danger. She used to drag her walking stick behind her and was unable to think about using a frame. Unfortunately this was one of many things that was the tipping point for full time care . She took no interest in her surroundings either in the home ,just sat staring.
 

elvismad

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
289
0
Its is just so awful. I try to convince myself that mum is 'happy' in her own world but if she was why the constant wandering? AS call it 'walking with purpose' and, if that's the case, is mum desperately looking for something that she cannot articulate? I have a recurrent dream where she is trying to escape from a nightmare maze and simply cannot find the route out.
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
1,685
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My Mum was, before her emergency surgery, a "pacer". I am not sure that she did it with any specific purpose or agitation. I think she just did it, and didn't know why. Like elvismad, my mum was oblivious to any kind of risk and incapable of using walking aids of any kind.
The risk of falls has now gone, sadly she isn't now able to walk unless supported by two carers. I am sad that she has lost this functionality but in all honesty, her inability to recognise space, risk, speed, others etc etc when walking was a massive risk to her and everyone else. She had a number of falls and we were lucky that she didn't injure herself or anyone else. Beyond a certain stage I don't think ;gasses or other aids make much difference. Mummy simply can't process what they are for.
 

elvismad

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
289
0
Hi @Helly68
Beyond a certain stage I don't think ;gasses or other aids make much difference. Mummy simply can't process what they are for.

Its so true. There is so little left of the person she once was. She still has a strong grip - my OH used to call her 'Iron Grip'. I miss her company
 

Helly68

Registered User
Mar 12, 2018
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Oh god yes, my Mum has a grip to reduce strong men to tears. She is also adept at biting and windmilling her arms in moments of stress. Fortunately this doesn't happen very often. I don't blame her, the sheer frustration and fear must be enormous.
 

elvismad

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
289
0
Oh god yes, my Mum has a grip to reduce strong men to tears. She is also adept at biting and windmilling her arms in moments of stress. Fortunately this doesn't happen very often. I don't blame her, the sheer frustration and fear must be enormous.
Yes @Helly68 ...so awful -the sheer frustration and fear-that is exactly what I think mum feels.
 

elvismad

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
289
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So...mum passed on 24th July. it was a full week from when she refused food and drink. I was with her from the Friday through to Wednesday and she did not show any sign that she knew I was there. The care staff were so kind and caring and she could not have been in better hands. I chatted to mum, fragranced her room and played calming music as I had been trained through Namaste. I was with mum as she slipped away. I am so relieved for her and me. She is no longer confused, frustrated, agitated, frightened, and she can fly free again. We said our final goodbye on 1st August but I have yet to scatter her ashes. A trip to Weston-super-Mare is called for.
I am left with nothing but memories. I will endeavour to ensure I hold on to the good ones, of which there were many. She was a truly wonderful woman.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
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South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) @elvismad
Im so sorry to hear your news, but it sounds as though her passing was as good as it could be.
Be gentle with yourself now.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,116
0
south-east London
My condolences on your loss @elvismad, I am glad that you were able to be there at the end and were able to help make the atmosphere as loving and calm as it could be.

May all those memories of happier times help lift you through these difficult days and bring you comfort in the years to come.
 

Loisand

Registered User
Dec 25, 2017
135
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So...mum passed on 24th July. it was a full week from when she refused food and drink. I was with her from the Friday through to Wednesday and she did not show any sign that she knew I was there. The care staff were so kind and caring and she could not have been in better hands. I chatted to mum, fragranced her room and played calming music as I had been trained through Namaste. I was with mum as she slipped away. I am so relieved for her and me. She is no longer confused, frustrated, agitated, frightened, and she can fly free again. We said our final goodbye on 1st August but I have yet to scatter her ashes. A trip to Weston-super-Mare is called for.
I am left with nothing but memories. I will endeavour to ensure I hold on to the good ones, of which there were many. She was a truly wonderful woman.
So sorry to hear of your sad news, hugs and love to you and your family xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
Sending my condolences on your loss. It sounds as if your mum’s passing was as peaceful as it could be. As you say she is at peace now and you have your memories to hold on to. Wishing you strength.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
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Nottinghamshire
So sorry @elvismad , I was wondering how you and your mum were just the other day. It sounds like her passing was as good as it could be. Be kind to yourself in the next few weeks and months.
 

elvismad

Registered User
Jan 8, 2012
289
0
A huge thank you to everone for your kind words and support throughout.
Unlike many, mum had no 'estate', so the only thing left to do is scatter her ashes.
I feel calm but am keeping busy job hunting, having been made redundant in May. It is a new chapter and ì am hopeful that things will work out. It's mums birthday on 23rd and I have booked for a day at an aqua bounce place. I am determined the day will be one filled with laughter. Mum is free at last
 

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