Hypothetically

[Feistywoman]

I’m waiting to hear back from the care home I went to view for my Mum so currently catastrophising about what could go wrong.

Like many PWD my Mum thinks she is coping really well, I do her finances, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry and showers. IF? She refuses the care home has anyone ‘withdrawn their services’ so to speak? I realise that she probably still wouldn’t accept that she needs care and in all probability I wouldn’t actually do this, just wondering about others experiences.

 

[Jessbow]

No, frustrated as I got, I never withdrew from all the things I did,, despite Mums denial.

I knew very well that if I did, it would be me that had to pick up the peices afterwards, meanwhile worrying myself silly that she'd come unstuck/hurt herself/fallen whilst I was playing the ''get on with it'' game.

 

[marionq]

It is really hard to withdraw even when you know it is the only way to get action. My SIL does not have dementia but does have other issues which I find difficult to deal with. I am trying to convince myself that I must say no in future to requests from various bodies to step into the breech. If I keep solving her problems no one else will take over but I can’t keep doing this - haven’t come up with an answer so far.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Umm...I’m withdrawing from being the enabler. Mum lives two an a half hours away, & Dads in CH near me now.
I have cleaned, cooked, shopped & showered (power hosed) Mum; filed in all the forms she’s ignored, chased appointments, GPs, SS etc.
Nothing I do was ever right & I feel I have just alienated mums GP.

So I stepped back....
UTI & hospital admission
Now carers are going in, Mum cancelled some but another UTI later & the care package is 4 times a day plus DN visits at the moment.

I am lucky, I know; but it’s been hard won.

Stepping away & letting your PWD fail to manage daily life is very hard to do. But at least now Mums got in the system - just afraid she will fall through the gaps again.

 

[canary]

@Feistywoman - have you read this thread?
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/24-7-home-care-vs-care-home.116390/

Its really hard to step back, but sometimes it might be the only way.

 

[Feistywoman]

Thanks all, as I say in all probability I’d still do most of it anyway. Amazing that a loved ones dementia turns you into a gibbering wreck of self doubt, guilt and catastrophe! I’m usually a confident capable person....well I was.
@canary thanks for the link, I’ve had a read, my word poor family, glad it has ‘eventually’ worked out.

 

[Loisand]

I know this sounds horrible, but I have given my siblings 12 months notice of me going back to my own flat, instead of caring 24/7.....all I asked for was more cooperation from them, cover for appointments, cover for a day so I could go out, but NO, no cooperation, so I have now said they have 12 months to sort alternative arrangements, well now it's 10 months!!!