I have an 81 year old husband who was diagnosed the Alzheimers about 3 years ago. He also has mobility issues and other health problems. He is the kindest, most gentle man, but the sadness is I am losing him and there is nothing I can do about it. I am 18 years his junior, which has never been a problem and I am able to care for him, but the loneliness of the illness is hard. I have been awarded 4 hours respite a week by my local authority, but finding a carer when you have so much else to deal with is so difficult. We still laugh together and after 32 years of marriage still love each other very much. Family and friends are very kind, but nobody really fully understands what each day brings.
Living with Alzheimers
- Thread starter Geega
- Start date
I empathise with your situation very much because my husband is very similar. He was diagnosed 18 months ago and is 80, affected physically and has almost no short term memory, and is no longer my life partner after 54 years of marriage. I am only a year younger than him but I am just about coping but at home I might as well be alone. I have had so much support on this website which does keep me going. You are not alone in what you are experiencing as I think you will find.
Does your LA or local Alzheimer’s association run any groups or daycentres locally? This was how we started and made many friends and enjoyed many outings. My husband now goes to two days at the centre and the groups have had to go as he has become less mobile. You really need company and do hear so much info when you meet others.
Hi @Geega and welcome to the forum.
I can understand how you must be feeling. My husband was 21 years older than me. Like Marion’s husband he went to a day care centre for a couple of days a week. We also went to some activities together.
If you put your postcode into the box in this link you should be able to see if there is anything available near you.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
I’m glad you found the Dementia Talking Point Forum. There’s always someone around here to listen and support.
I can understand how you must be feeling. My husband was 21 years older than me. Like Marion’s husband he went to a day care centre for a couple of days a week. We also went to some activities together.
If you put your postcode into the box in this link you should be able to see if there is anything available near you.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you
I’m glad you found the Dementia Talking Point Forum. There’s always someone around here to listen and support.
Thank you. Sadly my husband will not attend a day centre and the only one in our area is a 24 mile return journey. When I can find somebody to give me respite, I will ensure I meet as many people as possible.
Hello @Geega
My husband wouldn’t attend a day centre either. I was awarded Direct Payments by the LA to help pay for an agency cater to give me a break.
The agency agreed the carer would come on the pretext of being a cleaner to help me. It worked well. The carers were dementia trained and quickly gained the confidence of my husband.
I don’t know if this provision is still available today with all the cuts but you have nothing to lose by trying.
I do know how difficult it is to allow someone else to come in. It was suggested to me it would be a wise move just in case I became ill and my husband needed outside care. He was ten years older than I am and I really wanted to care for him myself despite all the difficulties.
My husband wouldn’t attend a day centre either. I was awarded Direct Payments by the LA to help pay for an agency cater to give me a break.
The agency agreed the carer would come on the pretext of being a cleaner to help me. It worked well. The carers were dementia trained and quickly gained the confidence of my husband.
I don’t know if this provision is still available today with all the cuts but you have nothing to lose by trying.
I do know how difficult it is to allow someone else to come in. It was suggested to me it would be a wise move just in case I became ill and my husband needed outside care. He was ten years older than I am and I really wanted to care for him myself despite all the difficulties.
