How to help my neighbour

[Lancshiker]

i lost my Dad to dementia 5 years ago next month and I haven’t visited the forum for a while. Recently I’ve become aware that my next door neighbour is caring for his wife who has dementia.

My neighbour is quite a private person. I’ve made some tentative efforts to offer help but I sense he is reluctant to take the offers up. This may be because people feel it’s difficult for outsiders to understand (although I’ve mentioned I have some experience of this horrible disease and have a small insight into how hard it is), perhaps because they feel they might be imposing or maybe because they feel it’s their responsibility to deal with it alone.

I want to respect to boundaries but equally want to help if I can. Should I try again or leave it alone. Having experienced dementia in a family member you don’t want to involve others unless it’s on a warts and all basis. That’s fine with me but I don’t want to add to my neighbours stress.

 

[northumbrian_k]

You have made an offer so it may be best to leave it unless and until he wants to take it up. In a practical sense, though, you can be of help just by offering a sympathetic ear if he wants one or even talking about something not related to dementia if he needs a few moments respite from it.

I hope that this makes sense.

 

[Philbo]

Perhaps you could try writing a brief note to your neighbour, offering support if and when he ever needs it? It wasn't clear if he is aware of your experience with caring for someone in a similar position so if not, you could mention this also?

It is sometimes easier to approach things this way rather than face to face.

Very thoughtful of you to think about your neighbours.

Regards
Phil