Does anyone else feel really let down by their family in this nightmare dementia journey?
My two sons are 38 and 40 and while my OH is not their real father (he was an alcoholic and died 30 years ago), he has been in their lives for around 28 years. One son lives about 15 mins away, married with two girls, a really busy job and heavily involved with the girls’ successful sport careers. The other is over 2 hours away, also married with 2 girls and a busy social life if their own and the children’s.
We don’t see very much of either of them. The distant son says he would always come and help out if I want some time off but they are busy and it’s never convenient. Plus if he brings the girls up here I want to see them! He says I can always talk to him but when I tell him some of the mad and infuriating things OH does, he thinks it’s funny!
The other local crew sometimes give him dinner if I get the chance to go out with friends or to the theatre, or they will visit him while he is on a respite stay but I always have to ask and it always sounds like a big favour they are doing. They never just offer. My son never just drops in, though he passes very near by on his daily commute. I have tried talking to that son but he said “you are a strong person, you will get through it”
I’m not sure if it’s that they really don’t understand what I am dealing with on a daily basis and how totally miserable I get or they just don’t want to deal with their own feelings.
My sister, who also lives a long way away, rang me last week. First time in months and I rang her last time. After 35 mins of her ailments, travel plans, work and family she had not even asked how I was. I made an excuse and ended the call!
Some friends are amazing. Understanding, supportive and caring but I feel quite resentful of my family.
My two sons are 38 and 40 and while my OH is not their real father (he was an alcoholic and died 30 years ago), he has been in their lives for around 28 years. One son lives about 15 mins away, married with two girls, a really busy job and heavily involved with the girls’ successful sport careers. The other is over 2 hours away, also married with 2 girls and a busy social life if their own and the children’s.
We don’t see very much of either of them. The distant son says he would always come and help out if I want some time off but they are busy and it’s never convenient. Plus if he brings the girls up here I want to see them! He says I can always talk to him but when I tell him some of the mad and infuriating things OH does, he thinks it’s funny!
The other local crew sometimes give him dinner if I get the chance to go out with friends or to the theatre, or they will visit him while he is on a respite stay but I always have to ask and it always sounds like a big favour they are doing. They never just offer. My son never just drops in, though he passes very near by on his daily commute. I have tried talking to that son but he said “you are a strong person, you will get through it”
I’m not sure if it’s that they really don’t understand what I am dealing with on a daily basis and how totally miserable I get or they just don’t want to deal with their own feelings.
My sister, who also lives a long way away, rang me last week. First time in months and I rang her last time. After 35 mins of her ailments, travel plans, work and family she had not even asked how I was. I made an excuse and ended the call!
Some friends are amazing. Understanding, supportive and caring but I feel quite resentful of my family.