Help! Need advise on how to look after my gran with Alzheimer's

[Jasmine49]

Hi all,

Sorry if this is long. I don't know how to help/if there's any careers who are specially for people with Alzheimer's?

Hoping someone knows what I can do to help. I live ,1 1/2 hours away from my gran currently and I visit every Saturday however I think she needs more support but my uncle (live three hours away) and mum (outside the uk traveling) are not helping and think careers would confuse her and she's not bad enough to be moved into a home.

I feel like they are waiting for her to become so bad that she's unable to keep up a conversation then move her to a home. However I think she need more help now as she's struggling to do little things like laundry, hurts herself (e.g. broke a milk bottle) and forgets, calls me thinking everyone's dead (especially when my mum's unable to pick up her calls due to bad signal) and one resident in the over 50s block of flats sent my mum an angry email to her saying she not coping too.

Please can someone advise?

I've looked into moving closer to her but it's an expensive area and l'd lose my job/relationship (as my other half still lives at home and I wouldn't ask him to move and quit his job) both of which I love and I don't want to confuse her by moving her closer to me? But I want to be able to take care of her and no one else seem to / seems to be able to.

 

[Banjomansmate]

One of the first things you should try to do, providing you are prepared to take on the responsibility (and it sounds as though you are the only one who is) is to convince your Grandmother to grant you Lasting Power of Attorney for both Health and Welfare and Finance and Property. These will then give you the legal clout to deal with Doctors, Social Services, Care firm, Banks and any other form of Authority. This can be done through a Solicitor or on line. I prefer to pay a Solicitor and let them do all the work and you know it is all right and tight!

Has your Grandmother seen a Doctor recently? You need a diagnosis of some sort.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Hi all,

Sorry if this is long. I don't know how to help/if there's any careers who are specially for people with Alzheimer's?

Hoping someone knows what I can do to help. I live ,1 1/2 hours away from my gran currently and I visit every Saturday however I think she needs more support but my uncle (live three hours away) and mum (outside the uk traveling) are not helping and think careers would confuse her and she's not bad enough to be moved into a home.

I feel like they are waiting for her to become so bad that she's unable to keep up a conversation then move her to a home. However I think she need more help now as she's struggling to do little things like laundry, hurts herself (e.g. broke a milk bottle) and forgets, calls me thinking everyone's dead (especially when my mum's unable to pick up her calls due to bad signal) and one resident in the over 50s block of flats sent my mum an angry email to her saying she not coping too.

Please can someone advise?

I've looked into moving closer to her but it's an expensive area and l'd lose my job/relationship (as my other half still lives at home and I wouldn't ask him to move and quit his job) both of which I love and I don't want to confuse her by moving her closer to me? But I want to be able to take care of her and no one else seem to / seems to be able to.

Hi @Jasmine49 I know you mean well and it's very good of you to think of caring for your nan but to be blunt have you really thought this through. You have a decent job, a partner and your own life. You don't say how old you are but if you are young then you are doing enough already.

It is very easy to slip into caring for someone and you may very quickly become overwhelmed and I feel very strongly that young people should lead there own lives. Helping out is fine but I think your nan probably needs more care than you realise.

Your mum and your uncle want to keep your nan out of a home, I would ask them why and if they are so keen to keep her at home then they should go look after her.

Please think carefully about how this would affect you and your life.

 

[Sirena]

In answer to your question as to whether there are carers who specialise in dementia, yes there are. Does your gran have the money to self-fund a daily carer, and would she accept that she needs one?

I lived 2.5 hours from my mother and she started having the same problems as your gran. She could not do the laundry, or prepare herself a meal (she sometimes didn't even remember she needed to eat). She was always losing her keys and going out without them. She had the money to pay for care, and I had financial power of attorney, so I googled for care agencies near her, and found one where the manager was a dementia specialist. The agency cared for her for 18 months, before she went into a care home - they took her shopping, did her laundry, reminded her to have a bath, took her to the hairdresser and GP - anything she needed. So yes that kind of care is available, if she can pay for it.

If she can't pay for it, she would need a needs assessment from social services, who will then provide care (fairly basic and brief, but better than nothing).

Of course that depends on her accepting care - no one can force her to. I hope you find some help for your gran.

 

[Cornishpirate]

In answer to your question as to whether there are carers who specialise in dementia, yes there are. Does your gran have the money to self-fund a daily carer, and would she accept that she needs one?

I lived 2.5 hours from my mother and she started having the same problems as your gran. She could not do the laundry, or prepare herself a meal (she sometimes didn't even remember she needed to eat). She was always losing her keys and going out without them. She had the money to pay for care, and I had financial power of attorney, so I googled for care agencies near her, and found one where the manager was a dementia specialist. The agency cared for her for 18 months, before she went into a care home - they took her shopping, did her laundry, reminded her to have a bath, took her to the hairdresser and GP - anything she needed. So yes that kind of care is available, if she can pay for it.

If she can't pay for it, she would need a needs assessment from social services, who will then provide care (fairly basic and brief, but better than nothing).

Of course that depends on her accepting care - no one can force her to. I hope you find some help for your gran.

When did you decide that needed to move into a care home? How bad did she get? Trying to decide if time for a care home or if supported living will be enough

 

[Sirena]

When did you decide that needed to move into a care home? How bad did she get? Trying to decide if time for a care home or if supported living will be enough

My mother had carers in for 6 hours a day, and yet that wasn't enough. She was fine when the carers were there but became very anxious on her own, started wandering off and putting herself at risk (outside in winter, no coat, no keys, at risk of falls). I didn't consider assisted living as that was effectively what she already had, and it wasn't enough. She needed supervision 24/7 to keep her safe.

 

[Rosettastone57]

When did you decide that needed to move into a care home? How bad did she get? Trying to decide if time for a care home or if supported living will be enough

My mother-in-law went into care when she could no longer remember where her bathroom was in her own home. She had been living on her own with carer visits 3 times a day. By the time she went,she was also a high falls risk, incontinent, had difficulty in recognizing family members and required 24/7 supervision . She was no longer safe on her own overnight

 

[Cornishpirate]

My mother had carers in for 6 hours a day, and yet that wasn't enough. She was fine when the carers were there but became very anxious on her own, started wandering off and putting herself at risk (outside in winter, no coat, no keys, at risk of falls). I didn't consider assisted living as that was effectively what she already had, and it wasn't enough. She needed supervision 24/7 to keep her safe.

Thanks. Gran lives 3-4 hours away. Any needing carers twice a day, but may need to increase as I am sure she is not eating regularly. The manager st the sheltered living place is concerned about fire risk if the forgets to turn things off (no manager on site must of the time). Winter shd tries to go out inappropriately dressed, lucky she has a good friend. Just thinking her memory test have declined in the last 7 months and likely to decline when she moves so thinking a care home might be safer. Dad concerned about money as he has poa fiance and I have poa health and welfare!

 

[Louise7]

Money is a concern when considering care options but the priority is to keep your Gran safe. There is help available with care, if your Gran is not in a position to pay for it herself. This factsheet is helpful in explaining care costs/finances so maybe worth showing this to your Dad? https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/who-pays-care