Hello my dads got vassual dementia and I dont know how to cope I stay in my room our Pretend its not happening so I can get by as got my own mental health issues and I find it so overwhelming also. I have always struggled showing my feelings to my dad has he been ill since I was a little girl with bipolar disorder but now hes got this on top of that so just feeling overwhelmed I sometimes hate him for all the problems he brings yet I know its not his fault its his illness just wanted to know why I feel this way and if anyone elese dose and how you cope when all you wanna do is run away thanks.
‘You can love someone but you don’t have to like them.’
It’s an old saying but true
Oh bless you, totally understand the struggle as my Mum has undiagnosed bi polar ( long conversations with GP & historical symptoms- a long long story) & now has dementia confirmed by CT scan.
I felt huge resentment for years that Mum wouldn’t accept help or get help from her GP. Mum would make up blatant lies that the GP surgery didn’t want my interference, also the way she would & still does occasionally speak about me infront of others was hurtful & unkind.
It’s so difficult in these circumstances plus I am not in the best of health mind or body myself, so appreciate that struggle.
( antidepressants for over 20 years )
The lack of empathy towards others & the lack of parental love shown towards me is a kicker, shall we say. The frustration with the problems on top that dementia brings just tips the balance. It’s not as if I can look back on a typical mother daughter relationship- I don’t know if your relationship with your Dad was like this.
My Mum didn’t respond well to being a parent - plus I was adopted as a baby so added issues for Mum on that front ; I’m not family blood !
To cope - not well at times myself - I think shutting yourself away maybe isn’t the way you should be looking at it; though in reality I understand the retreating to your room it’s a place you feel you can get away from it all. My mum doesn’t live with us or even near us, but I still find myself retreating into my bedroom to just get away from the phone, paperwork, emails or when it all just gets emotionally too much.
It’s your safe space
Don’t think of it as pretending that it’s not happening- think of it as you switching off from it.
There is nothing wrong with that it’s self preservation
Logically I know I should go out for a walk, or make myself do something; but sometimes you just feel so overwhelmed by it all you feel as if you can’t even step outside the front door.
This is normal, it’s part of a grieving process to a situation that isn’t in the normal remit of things.
Losing a person who physically is still there, losing the hope of a more positive relationship, I’m sure the list of what ifs is long & varied for each person, but none the less painful & emotional.
You need to work through this emotional tangle & I found talking( no who am I kidding sobbing uncontrollably) on a couple of occasions to my GP was helpful, just to hear myself say how I felt out loud. Yes I was upped a happy tablet to take me to the max, but the turning point for me was actually joining this forum.
Please keep posting
It helps, even if at that moment in time you feel that nothing can ever make you feel that your despondency will lift. I promise you it will.
Ps.
Ultimate escape mode for me is cuddling up on the bed with a dog - best hot water bottle ever! - & a chick lit feel good book.
Recharging my batteries I call it!
X