i know from reading the threads that I am very lucky in many ways - but I am stumped about what to do.
My mum was recently diagnosed with mixed dementia (Alzheimer’s and vascular) mid stage after years of me being worried.
My dad died in hospital last year (Parkinson’s Dementia pneumonia ) after 6 weeks there.
The thing is mum is still at home managing on her own with carers going in three times a day to give medication and food.
Two problems have emerged.
1. Mum does not accept that dad has gone. I’ve done the memory book , poems. Everything. She had a bad bad night in May and was so distraught that we were lying to her that I now tell her that Dad is resting / sleeping in hospital. I say I’ll call to see how he is. And we mostly jog along with that.
BUT the carers have a problem lying to my mum. It makes me mad because she is so much calmer when she thinks dad is still here. Any tips on how to guide them to help mum ?
2. The care agency make a big thing of delivering choice - so they ask mum what she wants to eat. Sometimes she will repeat the last thing she’s eaten.
Because different carers are going in it is hard to get any consistency. I wrote a weekly menu plan - and mum has just called to ask me to tell them she doesn’t want any big dinner. I’m stuck. Mum only really likes ice cream and biscuits and tea. Is that ok ??? I worry that I am neglecting her by not helping on this. Any advice ??
My mum was recently diagnosed with mixed dementia (Alzheimer’s and vascular) mid stage after years of me being worried.
My dad died in hospital last year (Parkinson’s Dementia pneumonia ) after 6 weeks there.
The thing is mum is still at home managing on her own with carers going in three times a day to give medication and food.
Two problems have emerged.
1. Mum does not accept that dad has gone. I’ve done the memory book , poems. Everything. She had a bad bad night in May and was so distraught that we were lying to her that I now tell her that Dad is resting / sleeping in hospital. I say I’ll call to see how he is. And we mostly jog along with that.
BUT the carers have a problem lying to my mum. It makes me mad because she is so much calmer when she thinks dad is still here. Any tips on how to guide them to help mum ?
2. The care agency make a big thing of delivering choice - so they ask mum what she wants to eat. Sometimes she will repeat the last thing she’s eaten.
Because different carers are going in it is hard to get any consistency. I wrote a weekly menu plan - and mum has just called to ask me to tell them she doesn’t want any big dinner. I’m stuck. Mum only really likes ice cream and biscuits and tea. Is that ok ??? I worry that I am neglecting her by not helping on this. Any advice ??