Dad 81 with mixed dementia has always been a difficult man.
Not a very social person, very private, not a conversationalist, keeps to himself.
Mum 78 in end stage Alzheimers and in care 3 yrs, was the exact opposite.
Now that Im caring for Dad, I will admit I will always take the path of least resistance. Having cared for Mum to the point where I was becoming stressed and ill, I’m just not going to go there again.
In recent months Dad has had 2 needs assesments.
Dad goes to his club 1-2 times a week, other than this its TV about 16 hrs a day.
There are various groups he can go to, Day Care where Mum is, Caring Callers that can ring him or visit, he can get in a cleaner once a week ( house is becoming quite unkempt)
but Dad refuses everything. He simply doesnt want strangers in his house.
This is not a dementia trait, hes always been like this.
When Mum had carers coming in, especially when she was having difficulty showering & dressing, he would force Mum out of bed at 6am to get dressed, so he could send the carer home saying he had done it all for Mum
The other day I was talking to our Dementia Care worker.
She said it was time that I stopped listening & accepting what Dad wanted or didnt want,
and just arrange things for his own good.
On one hand if Dad went to daycare or accepted a cleaner once a week it would take pressure off me, but then I would have constant arguments and confrontation from Dad
My skin is not so thick anymore that I could take it.
On talking to the care worker, it made me feel that I was just making excuses because I couldnt be bothered and not “caring” for Dad.
Admittedly I have a different relationship with Dad and care more out of duty but I wouldnt see him come to harm, but I know I dont give things 100% like Mum.
Not a very social person, very private, not a conversationalist, keeps to himself.
Mum 78 in end stage Alzheimers and in care 3 yrs, was the exact opposite.
Now that Im caring for Dad, I will admit I will always take the path of least resistance. Having cared for Mum to the point where I was becoming stressed and ill, I’m just not going to go there again.
In recent months Dad has had 2 needs assesments.
Dad goes to his club 1-2 times a week, other than this its TV about 16 hrs a day.
There are various groups he can go to, Day Care where Mum is, Caring Callers that can ring him or visit, he can get in a cleaner once a week ( house is becoming quite unkempt)
but Dad refuses everything. He simply doesnt want strangers in his house.
This is not a dementia trait, hes always been like this.
When Mum had carers coming in, especially when she was having difficulty showering & dressing, he would force Mum out of bed at 6am to get dressed, so he could send the carer home saying he had done it all for Mum
The other day I was talking to our Dementia Care worker.
She said it was time that I stopped listening & accepting what Dad wanted or didnt want,
and just arrange things for his own good.
On one hand if Dad went to daycare or accepted a cleaner once a week it would take pressure off me, but then I would have constant arguments and confrontation from Dad
My skin is not so thick anymore that I could take it.
On talking to the care worker, it made me feel that I was just making excuses because I couldnt be bothered and not “caring” for Dad.
Admittedly I have a different relationship with Dad and care more out of duty but I wouldnt see him come to harm, but I know I dont give things 100% like Mum.
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