Mother not washing hair

KPD

New member
May 15, 2019
5
0
Im sorry to hear this.... you are not alone its a struggle with personal care for everyone. My mother will do anything to get out of bathing or washing. We have to find a way that works. For me i say if we dont get washed we can't go out and i have to go home. That does the trick. Yes its a little threat one i dont mean , but it works. Then i bathe or wash her superfast. But get it done. I think the idea is not to drag it out. Also i promise a little whisky when we have finished which she forgets about but it works a treat. You just need some distraction techniques. Singing also works.... wash and sing!! There will be a way you just need to find a green light
Thank you so much for your reply and I’m so sorry you’re also going through this x
 

witts1973

Registered User
Jun 20, 2018
731
0
Leamington Spa
Thank you for the warm welcome and link, my dad is still refusing a shower so much is going on past couple of weeks, I will put a new post up but thank you for your input x
That's very true about the way things are posed to a person with dementia,on occasion I think some carers can use it to their advantage to not do time consuming tasks, and sometimes it's a lack of training and understanding dementia as a carer.
Some carers know exactly what to say to get the best results though,my mum is bed bound and has a bed wash and I have noticed since I have been washing her hair that she hates water on her so I'm pleased I don't have to shower her,I just use a non rinse shampoo and tell her I'm going to be quick and tell her what a nice surprise it will be for the carers at the next care visit when they see her looking so clean and fresh
 

KPD

New member
May 15, 2019
5
0
That's very true about the way things are posed to a person with dementia,on occasion I think some carers can use it to their advantage to not do time consuming tasks, and sometimes it's a lack of training and understanding dementia as a carer.
Some carers know exactly what to say to get the best results though,my mum is bed bound and has a bed wash and I have noticed since I have been washing her hair that she hates water on her so I'm pleased I don't have to shower her,I just use a non rinse shampoo and tell her I'm going to be quick and tell her what a nice surprise it will be for the carers at the next care visit when they see her looking so clean and fresh
I totally agree about how things are posed to a person with dementia and about the carers, some really have no time or patience but some are really amazing at what they do and the compassion they give x
 

witts1973

Registered User
Jun 20, 2018
731
0
Leamington Spa
I totally agree about how things are posed to a person with dementia and about the carers, some really have no time or patience but some are really amazing at what they do and the compassion they give x

Yes bless them,I make a couple of them a bacon roll to have as a treat when they pop in at lunchtime every few weeks,nice and warm and wrapped in nice paper bag from Tescos,some of them are so confident and know exactly how to speak to mum and one of them goes back to my mums bed and squeezes her hand before she leaves,another popped in on her day off and brought her grandson in and the baby sat on mums bed for a few mins in the crook of her arm,they come to ours to do a pad change and are paid approx £2 for a 15 min call,it humbles the hell out of me,they have been like a friend and a social worker to me when I have been worried and feeling down,I look forward to them callling.x
 

Dootee

Registered User
Mar 8, 2016
31
0
Thank you for the warm welcome and link, my dad is still refusing a shower so much is going on past couple of weeks, I will put a new post up but thank you for your input x
As shedrech says its negotiation. I tend to use persuasion. My mother usually says shes been up early and had a bath and outright refuses a bath. But within 5 minutes im bathing her after saying if we dont get bathed we cant go out .... it takes tactics and maybe some white lies to get the job done. Its a struggle you are not alone x
 

Dootee

Registered User
Mar 8, 2016
31
0
Thank you so much for your reply and I’m so sorry you’re also going through this x
Theres a lot of us going thru this more than you know. Its an uphill struggle but we fight on because we care x
 

Greenwellies

New member
Nov 11, 2017
5
0
Please take deep breaths. Please be kind to yourself. Reach out for help if you need it. You cant do this alone. Most of all reach for your compassion youll need that the most. They are fearful and scared and not the person you once knew. Take one day at a time. Thinking of you xx
I'd love to know where and how to reach out for help ctheres nothing and no-one in our area except those you pay. And I'm at the end of my tether I not only care for my mother but also have an adult sonvwithcdowns syndrome. I could talk my head off, no-one is listening
 

Glokta

Registered User
Jul 22, 2019
62
0
If my mum didn’t go to the hairdressers I don’t know what I’d do, she has refused to bathe now for over a year, but does wash her hands and face. Mums hairdresser, Jen, is a star, she washes it, then does a set or whatever they call it. Up to now she’s been having a regular colour but Jen says she might have to stop as mum is more restless now and it takes too long for her. Mum wants to be home more, it makes her anxious being away for long.
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hi @Greenwellies
here's a link to the directory of local services, something there may be useful
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/reports/2949/

have you had a care assessment by Social Services ... and a carer's assessment for yourself
unfortunately there's often a cost involved ... Attendance Allowance helps

start a new thread and talk away ... folk here will listen and respond
sorry we can't do more
 

Dootee

Registered User
Mar 8, 2016
31
0
If my mum didn’t go to the hairdressers I don’t know what I’d do, she has refused to bathe now for over a year, but does wash her hands and face. Mums hairdresser, Jen, is a star, she washes it, then does a set or whatever they call it. Up to now she’s been having a regular colour but Jen says she might have to stop as mum is more restless now and it takes too long for her. Mum wants to be home more, it makes her anxious being away for long.
Oh dear its a mess. Does your mum take medication to calm her down that should be available from her gp? It can work depending on what other meds she takes. As for not bathing for a year that needs addressing quickly. Are social services involved? Admiral nurses? You need help for sure. They get a fear of water i think. I did buy no rinse body wash (no need for water) and put it on a flannel and washed over my mum then just dry with a towel. Its a fight to bathe mine but i do it and she gets on a bathboard while i wash her down. She hates it tho. Please accept that things change and there's not a lot we as carers can do. We have to change to and adapt routines. Sometimes you find one that works and sometimes you dont. Get back to me if i can help i will.
 

Dootee

Registered User
Mar 8, 2016
31
0
Oh dear its a mess. Does your mum take medication to calm her down that should be available from her gp? It can work depending on what other meds she takes. As for not bathing for a year that needs addressing quickly. Are social services involved? Admiral nurses? You need help for sure. They get a fear of water i think. I did buy no rinse body wash (no need for water) and put it on a flannel and washed over my mum then just dry with a towel. Its a fight to bathe mine but i do it and she gets on a bathboard while i wash her down. She hates it tho. Please accept that things change and there's not a lot we as carers can do. We have to change to and adapt routines. Sometimes you find one that works and sometimes you dont. Get back to me if i can help i will.
Tip; can the hairdresser come to the house?
 

Dootee

Registered User
Mar 8, 2016
31
0
I'd love to know where and how to reach out for help ctheres nothing and no-one in our area except those you pay. And I'm at the end of my tether I not only care for my mother but also have an adult sonvwithcdowns syndrome. I could talk my head off, no-one is listening
Have you contacted social services? Alzheimer's society. The local memory clinic your mother's gp? Are you her power of attorney? Sorry to bombard you .... just trying to help x
 

Glokta

Registered User
Jul 22, 2019
62
0
She won’t let anyone in, social services will not assess unless she agrees to let them in. She refuses entry to anyone but the cleaners (they’ve been going for years), me and my brother. It’s not so bad, but I’m grateful that she goes to the hairdressers. I’ve contacted all those people. No help unless she lets people in, and she has too much capacity to force her.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Im sorry, @Glokta . My mum wouldnt let anyone in and then she got to the stage where half the time she wouldnt let me in either. It took a crisis to alert SS that mum had lost capacity and I think it likely that the same thing will happen to you
 

Glokta

Registered User
Jul 22, 2019
62
0
Yes, I think you’re right. She is worsening, and she is aware that she is worsening. But she still won’t accept a dementia diagnosis and can be very aggressive if you don’t accede to her demands. Today she wanted to buy a pink sweatshirt with a Love logo on the front in sequins and embroidery, but since she didn’t like the logo, could I take it home and unpick it for her. I pointed out that where the embroidery was would be damaged, but she said not to worry cos she’ll wear it back to front.
 

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