I am caring for my wife with dementia. All our friends and most of our families have disappeared, leaving me literally 'holding the baby'. I am recently (forcibly) retired at 65 because my wife can't be left alone. I have quite a few hobbies at home but of course it doesn't compensate for the incredible loss I feel. We haven't had sex for nearly 20 years and I have had to sleep alone in another room (at her request) for 15 years.
I long for the tender touch and love that I used to have, but it's all gone. Her dementia has caused her to lose all feelings of love and even empathy. She doesn't laugh at jokes, she doesn't touch or cuddle or just 'be close'. I have a mass of regrets in my life (mainly due to my chronic laziness). It's not as if my intellect was/is not up to it - I've got a law degree from University College London for goodness' sake!
I can't stop myself wishing I'd never fallen in love and married her. There is a significant age difference - she is 13 years older than me - we were warned by friends at the time, but love has no logic. Over the years she has been very difficult (she is bipolar!) and there were several occasions when I nearly left. But I stuck it out, always remembering my marriage vows.
The only support I get locally is that my wife goes to day care twice a week. Our social worker visited recently after a report from the day centre regarding her body odour. I wasn't even aware of it! I guess you just get used to it when you are living together all the time. We are hoping to get carers in 3 times a week and shift the day care also to three days a week.
The local agency specialising in helping carers is absolutely useless. All talk and no action. I was supposed to attend a course and they would send someone round to sit with my wife. Cancelled at the last minute. Volunteers to phone every week? Has never happened.
I know that here there are many in my position. It's great just to get this off my chest!
I long for the tender touch and love that I used to have, but it's all gone. Her dementia has caused her to lose all feelings of love and even empathy. She doesn't laugh at jokes, she doesn't touch or cuddle or just 'be close'. I have a mass of regrets in my life (mainly due to my chronic laziness). It's not as if my intellect was/is not up to it - I've got a law degree from University College London for goodness' sake!
I can't stop myself wishing I'd never fallen in love and married her. There is a significant age difference - she is 13 years older than me - we were warned by friends at the time, but love has no logic. Over the years she has been very difficult (she is bipolar!) and there were several occasions when I nearly left. But I stuck it out, always remembering my marriage vows.
The only support I get locally is that my wife goes to day care twice a week. Our social worker visited recently after a report from the day centre regarding her body odour. I wasn't even aware of it! I guess you just get used to it when you are living together all the time. We are hoping to get carers in 3 times a week and shift the day care also to three days a week.
The local agency specialising in helping carers is absolutely useless. All talk and no action. I was supposed to attend a course and they would send someone round to sit with my wife. Cancelled at the last minute. Volunteers to phone every week? Has never happened.
I know that here there are many in my position. It's great just to get this off my chest!
