Theres no getting away from it.

[Donkeyshere]

I managed to get away for a few days this weekend with OH and the MIL (who lives with us) was looked after by my son. This will be our only break together this year, but as soon as we hit the ground at the airport it all came closing back in and last night I woke up to find myself crying in my sleep - not a good sign. We were due to move to the UK 3 years ago but the week we were due to put the house on the market the MIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer's so we decided to stay put (she was going to move with us). Now if I am honest, its more resentment at not being able to make any changes in my life, god knows its not the MIL's fault she never asked for this. Apologies if I sound harsh I will always be here for her and my husband and I agreed she will go into a home when the time comes. But its the little things, like the obsession with the cat, she has her own annex and when I see her call the cat into her at least 20 times a day I just want to shout "leave the ****ing cat alone!" I know the cat would not go in unless it wanted to and then I can no longer let the dog out into the garden or she will be out there chucking a ball for him all good you think until she falls over, but then she goes in and then back out 2 mins later and it starts all over again 20 times in an hour. Its stupid, the dog likes it, the MIL likes it so why the heck does it bother me so? We live on an island, I work full time and all the support groups don't meet other than in the day. She refuses to go to day care as its full of "silly people"! Reading this I sound so negative and quite pathetic - the OH does what he can in the day with her (but due to personal reasons) the majority of care falls to me once I get home (there is an invisible in the wings but he just wants money and last time he saw her was September for 2 days). It seems as though this is becoming a weekly rant but if it gets it off my chest then thanks for reading especially as I know there are others on here that have it alot worse.

 

[Izzy]

Don't apologise - it's ok to have a rant here. That's what we're here for - to listen. You don't sound pathetic. Living with dementia isn't easy.

 

[Grannie G]

I do understand how irritating is this obsession with the cat @Donkeyshere. I have a friend who doesn`t have dementia but is showing early signs of senility and becoming more childlike daily.

She also seems obsessed with cats and encourages them to her door by feeding them. She interrupted a meditation session once when she saw a cat through the window, wanting everyone to look and calling out " the pussy cat`s here!"

If you were crying in your sleep on your very important short break, your caring role must really be putting you under deep stress. The difficulties others face is not important. Your headache is your headache and if it is affecting you so badly it might be best seeing if there is a way out.

the dog likes it, the MIL likes it so why the heck does it bother me so?

It bothers you because you are the only one of the three who feels responsibility.

If it was someone else`s mother in law and you weren`t responsible I`m sure these behaviours wouldn`t get you down. It`s because it is affecting your life so much, the only way out may be to make a difficult decision.

I will always be here for her

I`m sure you will but it doesn`t always mean 24/7 caring.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I managed to get away for a few days this weekend with OH and the MIL (who lives with us) was looked after by my son. This will be our only break together this year, but as soon as we hit the ground at the airport it all came closing back in and last night I woke up to find myself crying in my sleep - not a good sign. We were due to move to the UK 3 years ago but the week we were due to put the house on the market the MIL was diagnosed with Alzheimer's so we decided to stay put (she was going to move with us). Now if I am honest, its more resentment at not being able to make any changes in my life, god knows its not the MIL's fault she never asked for this. Apologies if I sound harsh I will always be here for her and my husband and I agreed she will go into a home when the time comes. But its the little things, like the obsession with the cat, she has her own annex and when I see her call the cat into her at least 20 times a day I just want to shout "leave the ****ing cat alone!" I know the cat would not go in unless it wanted to and then I can no longer let the dog out into the garden or she will be out there chucking a ball for him all good you think until she falls over, but then she goes in and then back out 2 mins later and it starts all over again 20 times in an hour. Its stupid, the dog likes it, the MIL likes it so why the heck does it bother me so? We live on an island, I work full time and all the support groups don't meet other than in the day. She refuses to go to day care as its full of "silly people"! Reading this I sound so negative and quite pathetic - the OH does what he can in the day with her (but due to personal reasons) the majority of care falls to me once I get home (there is an invisible in the wings but he just wants money and last time he saw her was September for 2 days). It seems as though this is becoming a weekly rant but if it gets it off my chest then thanks for reading especially as I know there are others on here that have it alot worse.

Hi
I’m sorry you are going through this to ..
My Mum is the same obsessed about the cat- she is now on her fourth “stray invited to stay” every cat dies another one neighbours cat moves in !
Mum also will sit in the garage for hours just in case the neighbours dog might bring its ball past her house on its walks & she will entice it in to throw the ball for it!
Poor dog has a heart condition so can’t do to much!
The neighbours try to sneak past ...
mum doesn’t live with us - she hasn’t been persuaded to move nearer !!! 5 hour round trip to visit her!
I know she’s lonely but she won’t mix with anyone & wont go to any clubs !

Can’t help really but thought it might help ( not) to know at least you own your animals!

 

[Grannie G]

I suppose because animals give unconditional love without asking for anything in return they are easier for some people with dementia to attach themselves to.

 

[marionq]

I think too it is that no difficult conversation or questions are required when dealing with an animal. It may sound strange but that is why I believe my husband became obsessed with his sisters welfare. Since she is deaf and cannot speak he probably found spending time with her restful - nothing was expected of him intellectually. Sadly it took me years to figure this out.

The lack of mental stimulation for him in spending so much time with her almost certainly made his decline quicker but by the time all this stuff clears itself it is too late to do anything about it.

 

[Donkeyshere]

Hi
I’m sorry you are going through this to ..
My Mum is the same obsessed about the cat- she is now on her fourth “stray invited to stay” every cat dies another one neighbours cat moves in !
Mum also will sit in the garage for hours just in case the neighbours dog might bring its ball past her house on its walks & she will entice it in to throw the ball for it!
Poor dog has a heart condition so can’t do to much!
The neighbours try to sneak past ...
mum doesn’t live with us - she hasn’t been persuaded to move nearer !!! 5 hour round trip to visit her!
I know she’s lonely but she won’t mix with anyone & wont go to any clubs !

Can’t help really but tho
ught it might help ( not) to know at least you own your animals!

Thank you so much you made me laugh as I can imagine the dog with the heart condition and the strays! like you say at least its our animals that she obsesses with - I shall watch out for random strays!

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Thank you so much you made me laugh as I can imagine the dog with the heart condition and the strays! like you say at least its our animals that she obsesses with - I shall watch out for random strays!

Wishing you all the luck in the world
Xx