Rock Bottom
- Thread starter Wifenotcarer
- Start date
Hello Wifenotcarer. I do hope you get a resolution to your situation before too much longer. Do listen to your daughters - if they are convinced that a move to a Care Home is essential for both you and your OH's sake then that is almost certainly the way to go. Even if the Care Home is further away than you would like, you will have more energy for travelling to the Home to visit once you aren't doing endless rounds of washing and cleaning up.
If it were necessary, then I WOULD accept a Care Home at a distance, but not when there is a Home with currently 3 vacances, that OH is familiar with and is a five minute walk away. Our local Councillor has really got his dander up, incensed that 'officials' have gone ahead with the 'no admissions pending closure' policy, without the elected members permission or knowledge. He has contacted the Chief Executives of all 3 Councils involved in the Health and Social Care Partnership, who have been as shocked as himself over the way this has come about. All 3 are now determined to reverse the no admissions directive, Instead anyone being referred to this Care Home will be asked to sign a statement confirming that they are aware that the Home will close in between two to three years and residents at that time will be guaranteed a place in the newly built replacement.
I also happened to meet the Manager of the Home by chance yesterday. She asked if I had heard anything so I told her all I knew. She said that officially she has been told none of this, only that there were to be no admissions. Then she thanked me, for standing my ground and making a fuss, which they, as staff cannot do, and told me that I may have saved the home!!! And then joked that they will have to name one of the Dementia Wings after me.
OH what a day I've had. OH woke me at 2.00am to 'see if I was all right'. Apparently I had been coughing in my sleep and I realised that I have caught the chesty viral infection that OH has had for a week, complete with headache, sore throat, etc. I had only got to bed at midnight, as I had to search for all the paperwork for the car, to be trading in and replaced with a newer one today. I had arranged, with great difficulty, a money transfer and arranged for the Car insurance on the old car to cease at 12 noon and insurance for the new car to start then.
Got up early, OH washed, dressed and fed ready for Day Care, Just as his 'buddy' who gives him a lift arrived at the door, there was a call from the Garage to say that the car was not ready for collection, I could not get it till Friday (when, of course, I will have OH in tow.) I had to phone the Car Insurance people to reinstate the insurance on the old car till Friday. Went to town to do the week's food shopping and just as I was in the middle of checking out, got a call on my mobile from the Bank, querying the large sum I had transferred. They had not transferred the money, in case it was a scam and I was making the payment under duress!?!? I tried to say call me back in five minutes but took a coughing fit (and wet myself which thankfully nobody noticed) and the woman from the bank continued to witter on.
The guy on the supermarket till and the woman next in the Q helped me to pack up the shopping and I got back to the car and drove home. OH arrived back from Day Care, where he had apparently slept all day, promptly wet himself, I changed him and he did the same again just as I dished up the evening meal. Changed him again and he decided, because he was newly dressed, that it was morning and time to go to day care. He is off to bed at last. I have still to get a load into washing machine to wash o'night. and so to bed......
Got up early, OH washed, dressed and fed ready for Day Care, Just as his 'buddy' who gives him a lift arrived at the door, there was a call from the Garage to say that the car was not ready for collection, I could not get it till Friday (when, of course, I will have OH in tow.) I had to phone the Car Insurance people to reinstate the insurance on the old car till Friday. Went to town to do the week's food shopping and just as I was in the middle of checking out, got a call on my mobile from the Bank, querying the large sum I had transferred. They had not transferred the money, in case it was a scam and I was making the payment under duress!?!? I tried to say call me back in five minutes but took a coughing fit (and wet myself which thankfully nobody noticed) and the woman from the bank continued to witter on.
The guy on the supermarket till and the woman next in the Q helped me to pack up the shopping and I got back to the car and drove home. OH arrived back from Day Care, where he had apparently slept all day, promptly wet himself, I changed him and he did the same again just as I dished up the evening meal. Changed him again and he decided, because he was newly dressed, that it was morning and time to go to day care. He is off to bed at last. I have still to get a load into washing machine to wash o'night. and so to bed......
I hope you manage a good deep sleep @Wifenotcarer
Any one of the happenings you listed would have thrown the best of us.
Any one of the happenings you listed would have thrown the best of us.
The comedy of errors continues. As the car was not ready on Wednesday, the salesman, knowing that OH cannot be left 'home alone' said he would bring the 'new to us' car to our home and take the older one away. However he phoned this am to say that he was tied up and 'one of the girls', would bring the car + the paperwork for signing and meantime he organised and I paid for the car tax on line.
I put our old car out on the street, which is a busy main road, so that the new one could go straight into the driveway. In the event, she parked new car someway up the street, was in and out of the house in a couple of minutes. I tried to ask about the promised 'lesson' in how to operate an automatic, but apparently that had not been mentioned to her and she had to hurry.
I went out to wave off our old car and saw a man in a yellow jacket taking photographs of the new car, which was parked so far out in the street that it was blocking traffic. Went to ask him what he was doing and he said he was from the DVLA and the device he was carrying had alerted him that the car was untaxed. I asked him to check again as I had just taken delivery of the car and knew it was taxed at 10am this morning. He was having none of it, told me I would face a £60 fine, then checked and said the car had not been taxed since April, so the fine would be nearer £260 and IF my story were true I had better take the matter up with the seller. He then slapped a huge yellow sticker on the car window, which said 'This car is untaxed - an offence under the Road Traffic Act has been committed and notified to the DVLA.' Then he warned me that if I drove the car, even to put it into our driveway i.e. offroad, that I would be committing a further offence.
Off he went leaving me with OH running about the pavement and road like a headless chicken, demanding that I turn in the wing mirrors as the car was sticking out into the road. I did try, but, being totally unaware that I had to press the BRAKE before pressing the starter, I could not get car, nor wing mirrors to move.
Phoned the car sales, who confirmed that the Tax was paid. Indeed the certificate was in the folder inside the car. Not a single one of our friendly neighbours was at home. I did not know what to do. When.....
Out of the blue, younger daughter, appeared on the doorstep. The kindly car salesman had phoned her, saying that her MUm (me) was very upset, asking if she could could come to our house to help as he could not leave work.
I put our old car out on the street, which is a busy main road, so that the new one could go straight into the driveway. In the event, she parked new car someway up the street, was in and out of the house in a couple of minutes. I tried to ask about the promised 'lesson' in how to operate an automatic, but apparently that had not been mentioned to her and she had to hurry.
I went out to wave off our old car and saw a man in a yellow jacket taking photographs of the new car, which was parked so far out in the street that it was blocking traffic. Went to ask him what he was doing and he said he was from the DVLA and the device he was carrying had alerted him that the car was untaxed. I asked him to check again as I had just taken delivery of the car and knew it was taxed at 10am this morning. He was having none of it, told me I would face a £60 fine, then checked and said the car had not been taxed since April, so the fine would be nearer £260 and IF my story were true I had better take the matter up with the seller. He then slapped a huge yellow sticker on the car window, which said 'This car is untaxed - an offence under the Road Traffic Act has been committed and notified to the DVLA.' Then he warned me that if I drove the car, even to put it into our driveway i.e. offroad, that I would be committing a further offence.
Off he went leaving me with OH running about the pavement and road like a headless chicken, demanding that I turn in the wing mirrors as the car was sticking out into the road. I did try, but, being totally unaware that I had to press the BRAKE before pressing the starter, I could not get car, nor wing mirrors to move.
Phoned the car sales, who confirmed that the Tax was paid. Indeed the certificate was in the folder inside the car. Not a single one of our friendly neighbours was at home. I did not know what to do. When.....
Out of the blue, younger daughter, appeared on the doorstep. The kindly car salesman had phoned her, saying that her MUm (me) was very upset, asking if she could could come to our house to help as he could not leave work.
D rang DVLA, who agreed that car had been taxed at 9.58, said we were not to worry, there would be no fine. D registered a complaint about the way I had been treated, which was noted. She did manage to start the car and reverse it into the drive. I have driven it up and down the drive but have not had the courage to take it out onto the main road yet.
Well, Well, Well.
I had a message from my friendly Cllr. yesterday to say that a recommendation had been made re closure or not of our favoured Care Home at last week's meeting. However, the final decision had to be taken by the Chief Executive who was currently on Bereavement Leave. This afternoon, Our Social Worker rang to say that the Home was now accepting referrals. I asked her why the sudden change of heart and she said that she understood that 1 woman had doggedly stuck to her determination to ensure the home did not close and succeeded in making her voice heard at the highest level within the authority. (and Yes, she was talking about wee me!) She was just checking that we had not changed our minds (we had not) and would make a referral straight away. Within 10 minutes the Home rang to say they had received the referral and could they come THIS EVENING to assess OH? Said Yes of course and they appeared at 6.30 asked OH a few questions, laughed at his funny replies. They were gone by 7.00 (off to assess another applicant, leaving a 'Welcome to ***** Care Home' brochure. They told me someone will call tomorrow to tell me if OH has been deemed suitable. If he is to move there, they will ensure this happens within the next 2 weeks as he is due to go (elsewhere) for a week's respite on the 19th July.
After all the promises, false starts and hold ups I cannot believe this is actually about to happen. I rang our Daughters. One said 'You must feel a great sense of relief'. I told her my overwhelming feeling was not relief but disbelief. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
I had a message from my friendly Cllr. yesterday to say that a recommendation had been made re closure or not of our favoured Care Home at last week's meeting. However, the final decision had to be taken by the Chief Executive who was currently on Bereavement Leave. This afternoon, Our Social Worker rang to say that the Home was now accepting referrals. I asked her why the sudden change of heart and she said that she understood that 1 woman had doggedly stuck to her determination to ensure the home did not close and succeeded in making her voice heard at the highest level within the authority. (and Yes, she was talking about wee me!) She was just checking that we had not changed our minds (we had not) and would make a referral straight away. Within 10 minutes the Home rang to say they had received the referral and could they come THIS EVENING to assess OH? Said Yes of course and they appeared at 6.30 asked OH a few questions, laughed at his funny replies. They were gone by 7.00 (off to assess another applicant, leaving a 'Welcome to ***** Care Home' brochure. They told me someone will call tomorrow to tell me if OH has been deemed suitable. If he is to move there, they will ensure this happens within the next 2 weeks as he is due to go (elsewhere) for a week's respite on the 19th July.
After all the promises, false starts and hold ups I cannot believe this is actually about to happen. I rang our Daughters. One said 'You must feel a great sense of relief'. I told her my overwhelming feeling was not relief but disbelief. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
A real “Jobsworth” if ever there was one. What were you supposed to do, leave it there to block the road or cause an accident? What an eedjit!
Hope you are driving all over the place by now.
Oh, we double posted , Well done for sticking to your guns and hopefully getting the result you wanted/needed!
Hope you are driving all over the place by now.
Oh, we double posted , Well done for sticking to your guns and hopefully getting the result you wanted/needed!
Well done and hopefully today will be the day that results in you getting the care you need for your husband.
Thanks to all for your Best Wishes and Crossed Fingers. I have had the call to say OH's referral has been accepted and the Home will be in touch with a view to his admission NEXT WEEK. It is hardly Hip, Hip Hooray, For the 1st time I am having a weep and scared by the prospect of living alone - something I have never done. It will be for the best in the circumstances, but so sad it has come to this.
I’m so glad you have secured a place for your husband. There is no doubt life will be very different when you are the sole occupant in the house. There will be lots to be done in the first few weeks, the main thing being getting to know the care home staff and their methods of working with your husband.
Life is very different in a care home but it’s certainly not all doom and gloom. I went every day at all times so I got to know how the home worked from breakfast until supper time. There was always something to do to make things that bit more homely for my husband. A plus in this was the staff got to know me too and I was in hand to answer their questions re my husband. Once I was happy that everything was fine I started to have days off and by the time I thought about being in my own I realised I was ok. We had been married 46 years when my husband went into nursing care.
I never called myself a Carer, I was his wife who looked after him, I found that once again I was acting as a wife because all the worries of getting through a day had gone, when I visited I entered his world and had nothing to do other than to enjoy our time together. When I walked out then it was back into our world.
You will settle into a routine, there will be problems but there will be others to sort those problems. Good luck for next week and get the name tags ordered, you have some sewing to do.
Life is very different in a care home but it’s certainly not all doom and gloom. I went every day at all times so I got to know how the home worked from breakfast until supper time. There was always something to do to make things that bit more homely for my husband. A plus in this was the staff got to know me too and I was in hand to answer their questions re my husband. Once I was happy that everything was fine I started to have days off and by the time I thought about being in my own I realised I was ok. We had been married 46 years when my husband went into nursing care.
I never called myself a Carer, I was his wife who looked after him, I found that once again I was acting as a wife because all the worries of getting through a day had gone, when I visited I entered his world and had nothing to do other than to enjoy our time together. When I walked out then it was back into our world.
You will settle into a routine, there will be problems but there will be others to sort those problems. Good luck for next week and get the name tags ordered, you have some sewing to do.
That’s great news @Wifenotcarer.
Life will be so different for you now but you can be secure in your mind that your husband will be safe and cared for. I’m sure in time a routine will develop and I wish you both well as time moves on.
Life will be so different for you now but you can be secure in your mind that your husband will be safe and cared for. I’m sure in time a routine will develop and I wish you both well as time moves on.
You will settle into a routine, there will be problems but there will be others to sort those problems. Good luck for next week and get the name tags ordered, you have some sewing to do.[/QUOTE]
You have hit the nail on the head. By cheer chance, the name tags (ordered 3 weeks ago) arrived at lunch time today. Sewing kit found and needle at the ready.....
You have hit the nail on the head. By cheer chance, the name tags (ordered 3 weeks ago) arrived at lunch time today. Sewing kit found and needle at the ready.....
I am so pleased for you, to hear your good news and that your tenacity as paid off. Well done.
I have followed your posts but haven’t commented before as I felt I couldn’t say anything to help, but my heart has gone out to you at times. Good luck getting everything ready and I hope the move goes well.
Take care.
Elle x
I have followed your posts but haven’t commented before as I felt I couldn’t say anything to help, but my heart has gone out to you at times. Good luck getting everything ready and I hope the move goes well.
Take care.
Elle x
