Can anyone relate to this and give me some coping advice?
I am so lucky to have had my grandad, let’s call him Dagra, till he’s 81. I know that I really do. He’s just the best, my hero. He has advanced Alzheimer’s and he can’t live at home anymore, he really can’t, it’s not safe. I’ve been to some places for a look around. I feel like they are all like colditz, even with warm staff and bright walls. I can’t bare it.
I’m busting into tears a lot, I think I’m a bit depressed, I just feel hugely guilty, I feel all sorts of horror and awful and like I’m betraying him. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to go and visit him in there and look him in his eyes. No other place feels good enough for my Dagra, I have feelings that I almost wish for him to die quickly, so he stops suffering and that makes me guilty too. Then I think about his funeral and I just don’t know how I’d cope with that day. Advanced Alzheimer’s is foul isn’t it. He has complex additions like Lewy bodies and Parkinsonisms also. I try and try to cling to every smile, every time we connect and share a song or a memory. But they’re getting so rare. He is mostly distressed and anxious. How is he going to feel when he has to go into the home. So betrayed by me isn't he. Anyway, I’m having a wobble and a good cry. Things look better in the morning. I’m struggling though. Xxx DagraNumber1
I am so lucky to have had my grandad, let’s call him Dagra, till he’s 81. I know that I really do. He’s just the best, my hero. He has advanced Alzheimer’s and he can’t live at home anymore, he really can’t, it’s not safe. I’ve been to some places for a look around. I feel like they are all like colditz, even with warm staff and bright walls. I can’t bare it.
I’m busting into tears a lot, I think I’m a bit depressed, I just feel hugely guilty, I feel all sorts of horror and awful and like I’m betraying him. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to go and visit him in there and look him in his eyes. No other place feels good enough for my Dagra, I have feelings that I almost wish for him to die quickly, so he stops suffering and that makes me guilty too. Then I think about his funeral and I just don’t know how I’d cope with that day. Advanced Alzheimer’s is foul isn’t it. He has complex additions like Lewy bodies and Parkinsonisms also. I try and try to cling to every smile, every time we connect and share a song or a memory. But they’re getting so rare. He is mostly distressed and anxious. How is he going to feel when he has to go into the home. So betrayed by me isn't he. Anyway, I’m having a wobble and a good cry. Things look better in the morning. I’m struggling though. Xxx DagraNumber1