Hi,
My dad (80 years) has dementia and lives with his younger brother who is is 65. They have lived together for about 19 years, during which time my dad's brother has rarely contributed to any bills or done any housework. My dad has constantly bailed him out financially. My dad now has diminished understanding of finances and has a debt to his pension scheme of several thousand pounds due to overpayment previously. He continues to give his brother money every day to buy him a newspaper, cigarettes and food sundries. This is a relatively small amount of money to be spending but somehow he is spending a lot of cash. My dad rarely goes out so does not go and spend on his own. Whenever I visit, there is little to show for any expenditure. In the last two weeks, he has spent over £400. I have spoken to my dad's brother in the past, because my dad used to write down in his diary when he had given him money but he does not do it anymore, and told him not to take my dad's money for himself. He has always said it would stop but it never has. I believe he probably takes money to buy my dad things and does not give the change back. I have reported it to Social Care and they assessed my dad as having capacity (which is incredible as my dad does not know how to get to the bank or how to get money out - he has to get his brother or me to go with him - and does not understand or have any concern about paying his debt to his pension company, nor can he retain any information for very long) and also spoke to my dad's brother who told them that he used to ask my dad for money but does not do it anymore. Social Care then told me that it just appeared to be a family feud and basically it was my word against his. My dad's brother seems to be lying to everyone (he lies about anything to suit himself) and laughing in our faces as he continues to scrounge off my dad. I do not have concrete evidence but there is no other explanation. My dad's brother has had three spells in hospital this year and each time he has been there, my dad has stopped spending so much money, and on his return my dad has started spending again, so there is really only one conclusion to draw. I have POA but this only gives limited powers as my dad can still draw cash from the bank, which he does regularly and often has about £300 in cash in his back pocket. I do not want to apply to the court either as I live quite far away and it would not be practical and in any case my dad would still end up with some cash, much of which would probably go to his brother. His brother is also in debt to their landlord and I believe he asks my dad for money to pay for that too (again, no actual proof but he is on benefits and has very little money). My dad does not seem concerned and just carries on giving him money. My wife has said to just leave them to get on with it as my dad is happy and could not be living in his flat if his brother was not there (even though he does nothing to help and we had to get carers in because his brother did not bother to help him in any way - even didn't remind my dad to take his tablets). I accept my dad's brother has no legal obligation to my dad in terms of providing care. However, it is extremely frustrating and although my dad perhaps used to willingly and knowingly help his brother financially, I believe that his condition now means that he is unable to make sensible decisions about how he manages his finances and that his brother is basically exploiting the situation. I would appreciate any advice, even if it is just to let it go, although I am finding this difficult. Many thanks.
Hi
I am sorry to hear about everything that has been happening.
In terms of what to do next is quite tricky and depends upon a number of things. Firstly, and this is something that you have mentioned is your dads own ability to make his own decisions – and whether he has what is called ‘mental capacity’. If your dad is able to make his own decisions and so ‘has capacity’ then it is his choice to make, even where we make think a decision is unwise it is still his decision to make. You have mentioned that his brother has lived with him for years and he has generally helped him, so although it may seem unwise to us that he is doing this, especially when he is in debt to the pension company it is still his choice and as your wife says helping his brother may make him happy.
Alternatively, if you feel that you dad actually lacks the capacity to make the decisions about his finances and how to spend his money then as his attorney these would be decisions for you to make. The test for capacity is outlined on our website here -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/assessing-capacity#content-start
Capacity is time and decision specific, so this can mean that someone may not be able to make a certain decision one day but can the next, or that they can make a decision about buying food in the shop but may not be able to make a decision about long term finances or investments. This can make it tricky as there cannot be a blanket ‘this person lacks capacity to make any decision’ instead it is a matter of considering when a decision needs to be made if the person themselves can make it. As an attorney before you act you have a duty to ensure that the person cannot make the decision themselves and to support the person to make any decision before you decide that they lack capacity and make the decision for them.
If you believe that he lacks capacity to make certain decisions then you as the attorney have the power to make that decision. I understand that the social worker felt he had capacity, but as said capacity is time and decision specific so this can change. If you wish to you can look at getting a private assessment of his capacity from a private social worker, or if he has a consultant or a medical or health professional that has been helpful you could see if they can help with this or advise further.
If it is felt that he lacks capacity to make certain decisions regarding his finances, as said you have the power to make those decisions. This does give you some power to protect him. If he has capacity you would need to ensure that he consents to anything that you do.
What some people do to help with finances is consider putting a withdrawal limit on the account and this can help with limiting spending if needed – as said if your dad has capacity he will have to agree to this. I know some people have found having different accounts can help, one account for bills and savings etc. and the other for everyday items and this is limited to having only so much in it per week and has no overdraft facility etc. and the person has access to the latter. Again your dad would have to agree to this if he has capacity. Therefore, if your dad has capacity it is working with him to find a solution.
Ultimately, where you are making decisions for him it is about what is in your dad’s best interests. This is a wide concept and must include your dads past, present and future preferences and his wishes and feelings. Therefore, if your dad has always been happy to do this and wishes to this must be considered. BUT this needs to be balanced with his financial needs as any gifts etc. need to be proportionate to his estate and ensure that his own financial needs are met so this can be a tricky balancing act.
Therefore, you as an attorney need to carefully consider his capacity and ability to manage his own finances and make these decisions for himself. If he has capacity then it is the matter of working with him to support and help him to make these decisions, but ultimately they are his decisions to make even if we see them as being unwise. If he lacks capacity then as the attorney you can make decisions and manage his money but this must be in his best interests. As you have done if you are ever concerned that he is being taken advantage of/financially abused you should contact the local social services who are duty bound to investigate - and this is something they should do regardless of his capacity to make his own decisions.
Apologies if this is not the answer you were looking for, depending on dad’s capacity it may be the matter of keeping an eye on things and being ready to step in when needed and in the meantime trying your best to support dad and help him make his own decisions and if needed refer back to social services.
I hope this helps