dad has a DOL at present in hospital awaiting a place in a home. feel like family have given up on him and ‘got rid’ of the problem- feel like I’m the only one who thinks it’s cruel and not right that he can’t come back to his own home and belongings etc. Having panicky feelings thinking of him begging to be let home - what can I Do? Can’t focus on work. Wish he could live with me, feel hopeless.
Dad wants to go home
- Thread starter Owletta
- Start date
Hello @Owletta. Welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
You haven’t given us much detail about why your dad has been given a DOLS or why it’s been decided he needs to go into a home. The most important letter in the DOLS is the S - which stands for safeguarding. People are not given a carehome place lightly. These days the authorities are keen to keep people in their own homes for as long as possible - even after it has become unsafe for them to be there.
I never wanted my dad to have to go into a home but, in the end, he became unsafe on his own and I had no choice if I wanted him to remain safe.
It may take time for your dad to settle but once he does he’ll probably be happier in care than in his own home. Many people have found this. My dad certainly was although it took a few weeks for him to settle.
If his carehome placement is permanent and not just for assessment you can personalise his room with things from his own home. Many homes allow residents to take in their own furniture if they have space for them. Start by taking small things like copies of photos and maybe a favourite blanket to make things seem familiar.
Take it a day at a time and let us know how it goes. We all understand these feelings of helplessness.
You haven’t given us much detail about why your dad has been given a DOLS or why it’s been decided he needs to go into a home. The most important letter in the DOLS is the S - which stands for safeguarding. People are not given a carehome place lightly. These days the authorities are keen to keep people in their own homes for as long as possible - even after it has become unsafe for them to be there.
I never wanted my dad to have to go into a home but, in the end, he became unsafe on his own and I had no choice if I wanted him to remain safe.
It may take time for your dad to settle but once he does he’ll probably be happier in care than in his own home. Many people have found this. My dad certainly was although it took a few weeks for him to settle.
If his carehome placement is permanent and not just for assessment you can personalise his room with things from his own home. Many homes allow residents to take in their own furniture if they have space for them. Start by taking small things like copies of photos and maybe a favourite blanket to make things seem familiar.
Take it a day at a time and let us know how it goes. We all understand these feelings of helplessness.
@Owletta, I feel so much for you and understand your fear and frustration.
We have the opposite issue, inasmuch as SS have stepped in, because of DoLS, and insisted that my MIL goes home - even though it is totally the wrong move and a disaster waiting to happen.
Where you and we are together and the same position is; we know and understand our own family member’s needs better than any outside agency. The interference from outside agencies and taking over when it is not wanted or needed is starting to feel like a dystopian nightmare where The State take away everyone’s right to make a sensible and informed choice.
We have the opposite issue, inasmuch as SS have stepped in, because of DoLS, and insisted that my MIL goes home - even though it is totally the wrong move and a disaster waiting to happen.
Where you and we are together and the same position is; we know and understand our own family member’s needs better than any outside agency. The interference from outside agencies and taking over when it is not wanted or needed is starting to feel like a dystopian nightmare where The State take away everyone’s right to make a sensible and informed choice.
