I've just placed my dad in a home. He is the only man in the ward, and most other patients are severely impaired either physically or neurologically. Dad is ok physically, and moves around rather easily, but he is totally incontinent due to prostate cancer radiotherapy. We first started noticing signs of Alzheimer's in dad five years ago. Today Dad thinks he's got short-term memory loss, just like any other man his age (83). The fact is, he has delirious thoughts (recurring story about being harassed at work), and he wakes up quite often at night. He was living with mom until now, but mom has metastatic breast cancer and needs to rest. I feel terrible about seeing my dad shocked by his new surroundings. I'm afraid he'll fall into a depression. I sometimes wonder if we could have handled things differently, or if we put him in there too early. The people taking care of him are wonderful, but the social interaction with other patients is very limited for obvious reasons. Dad is someone who likes to talk a lot. Is it ever too early to go in a home for a patient with Alzheimer's? Will I ever be able to invite him over to have lunch with us at home again... will he be shocked to see mom go back to their old place and him go back to the home after our lunch spent together? I don't want his life to change drastically overnight, but I feel that it has.
Moving my dad into a home
- Thread starter Love&Hope
- Start date
Hello @Love&Hope and welcome to DTP.
It is always upsetting when someone you love has to move into a residential home. It sounds like you didnt have much choice, though. It also takes them a while to adjust and settle - often 6-8 weeks, although sometimes it can longer, so dont worry that your dad is disorientated at the moment.
Once my mum settled in her care home I was able to take her out for trips the local park, garden centre and cafes for lunch or coffee and cake. As her Alzheimers progressed she could only go out for shorter and shorter times. I only once took her back home, though, and that was a big mistake, so I never did it again. Going back home for short periods is too confusing for most people with dementia and some of them refuse to go back to their care home. Can you all meet up somewhere neutral like a cafe, for lunch? Mum used to like a local carvery and they did a lovely Sunday lunch.
BTW, you mentioned your dad being on a "ward" and mums care home didnt look anything like a ward. Perhaps it is a slip of the tongue/finger, but if it really is like a ward, Im wondering what sort of home it is?
It is always upsetting when someone you love has to move into a residential home. It sounds like you didnt have much choice, though. It also takes them a while to adjust and settle - often 6-8 weeks, although sometimes it can longer, so dont worry that your dad is disorientated at the moment.
Once my mum settled in her care home I was able to take her out for trips the local park, garden centre and cafes for lunch or coffee and cake. As her Alzheimers progressed she could only go out for shorter and shorter times. I only once took her back home, though, and that was a big mistake, so I never did it again. Going back home for short periods is too confusing for most people with dementia and some of them refuse to go back to their care home. Can you all meet up somewhere neutral like a cafe, for lunch? Mum used to like a local carvery and they did a lovely Sunday lunch.
BTW, you mentioned your dad being on a "ward" and mums care home didnt look anything like a ward. Perhaps it is a slip of the tongue/finger, but if it really is like a ward, Im wondering what sort of home it is?
I think quite a lot of us think the other residents are 'worse' than our loved one and we have moved them too early, I know I did. But it soon became apparent that actually my mother fitted in quite well. She always has someone to talk to, she potters around talking to the carers and joining in the activities. Beforehand she was still going out to the park or shops every day and I thought she'd miss it, but she doesn't seem to at all, the CH genuinely is her new home. She could no longer cope with outside life, so she's happier without those challenges. And if there are residents who have more advanced dementia that's a good sign, it means they don't ask people to move as their illness progresses.
It is very traumatic to begin with, but it will become the 'new normal' for all of you.
It is very traumatic to begin with, but it will become the 'new normal' for all of you.
Yes....it was a slip of the tongue. It doesn't look like a ward, although some patients are in the last stages of life and there is medical assistance. The home follows them through 'till the very end. Thank you very much for your reply. I will take your advice and not bring Dad back home so as not to confuse him further. I'll take him out to the nearby park or on picnic outings to the mountains. We live in the French Alps.
Thank you very much for your support. It really helps. I know this is going to take some time to get used to, but I suppose we made the right decision.
Great to hear your story,
I to have dementia, stage 2/3
And live alone,big decisions coming up!
Talk soon, Arthur Kenneth Foottit
