Hello - Hoorah I'm not alone!!!

[Anniekirks]

Hello everyone.

I am so glad I have found this forum! Reading through some of the storys has made me realise im not alone, and some of the advice/information is very helpful.

My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2007 he was 63, he lives alone since mam died in 2000, at first he seemed ok just short term memory loss but now hes lost all confidence - he wont do anything. I'm 35 and work full time, however, i do make time to go and see him 4 times a week and ring him every day but it is getting harder and harder as i dont have any family so its all down to me. Dad wont accept help as he thinks hes ok, he wont have meals delivered, he wont go to the centres, he wont have a carer pop in on him, i think hes frightened to accept the help available as then he will have to admit he has a problem.

My partner doesnt really understand the pressures im under and it is really putting a strain on our relationship. Im at my whits end. I feel like running away but then whos going to see to my dad!!!!

I have tried to persuade dad to go to one of the centres thats available just one day a week so when im at work i know hes having some company rather than just sitting in the house alone but he wont because hes afraid of the unknown as he doesnt know what these centres are or what the people do there. Ive told him ill go with him a few times till he gets comfortable going but just as i think im getting through to him he flatly refuses. What do the centres offer? What kind of things are available there? If my dad knew this he might be willing to give it a go.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ann x

 

[daughter]

Hello Ann,

Welcome to TP and I'm pleased you found it helpful as so many of us do. You're very young to be having to cope with this, but the only thing I can suggest is that you start to adopt a different approach with your Dad.

Arrange a visit to one of the centres and then tell him (kindly of course!) you are picking him up at a certain time so that you can both go to see what's on offer. It is a horrible thing to do, no-one wants to appear bossy, let alone to a parent, but you have recognised that gentle persuasion will not work. Once you have got him past the point of fear of the unknown, he may even grow to enjoy going there and make friends, just as my Mum does. She goes to a very good day centre near us. I'm not sure exactly what they do, but she always comes back with a smile on her face! Good luck, I am sure others will have more suggestions soon.

Best wishes,

 

[Laylabud]

Hello Ann

Welcome to TP and you are not alone you will find a lot of help and support on this forum.

I had the same problem with my mum in the beginning and she would go or do anything that she didn't want to do. I eventually got her to come with me to the doctors after a bit of emotional blackmail and after a long process my worst fears were confirmed that she had AD (Now final stages)this is only after 18 months of it being confirmed. I am sorry to hear about your partners lack of understanding it does put a very big strain on relationships, you need to sit him down and explain how you feel and how worried you are about your dad and that his support, love and understanding will help you along this long tough journey as it gets harder.
I hope you can sort things out take care and look after yourself

Laylabud

 

[julieann15]

You are not alone!!

Hello Ann,
You are not alone - you will find lots of good advice here and also a sounding board where you can rant about the bad days you have- believe me there will be many of those. People also share the nice things such as achievements of their loved ones or simply something nice that has happened. I myself am just at the start of this long road with my husband's mum who I have only known for just over 2 years and who was diagnosed 18 months ago. There are people on here who are much further down this road than you and I but will offer sound advice- there are also those who sadly have lost their loved ones who are here for the likes of you and me now.

Anyway welcome to TP

Julie x

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Ann

You are no longer alone now you have found Talking Point [TP] and you are not alone in having problems getting your father to attend day care either.

Hopefully the time will come when he feels the need for company and this might help change his mind. Meanwhile you can only keep trying and I hope you have better luck with your father than I have had with my husband.

I don`t want to put you off Ann but I really do advise you to visit the available centres first by yourself, and see what`s on offer. My husband is 76. He attended an excellent day hospital but decided it was not for him as the other people were too old and too `doddery` for him.

Your father is very young and might feel out of place, especially during this stage of his condition.

Take care xx

 

[Sam Iam]

Hi Ann, I have the same sort of situation with my Mum and have read this post which makes a lot of sense to me, I feel I have the strength now to look at the centre's in our area and see whats available, whilst taking Grannie's advice.
I hope your partner realises how much stress you are under.
TP is a reliable friend that I visit on many occasion's, with load's of good people, who have been where we are and share their experiances and I thank the Lord I found this site. xx

 

[Skye]

Hi Ann, welcome to TP. I hope you'll find lots of support here.

Have you contacted your local branch if Alzheimer's Society? Someone would come and talk to your dad, and would be able to recommend a centre which is suitable for someone with dementia. Though it could be that if your dad is at an early stage, he might be happier with more general ones.

These general centres usually offer cars, bingo etc, while the dementia-specific ones offer more one-to-one attention and stimulation. Do try AS, I'm sure they'll advise and support.

As for your relationship, try not to lose it because of the stress you're under. It must be upsetting that your partner isn't more supportive, but he probably resents having to shate your attention. If he's important to you, make sure he knows it!

Let us know how you get on,

Love,

 

[Anniekirks]

Thank you

Thank you everyone for that lovely warm welcome to TP.

I've spent loads of time reading through other peoples stories, most of the time with tears streaming down my face, maybe its releif that i know im not alone and there are people whom i can turn to.

I have contacted our local AS, a lovely lady called Liz who has given me some good advice. Dad knows im in contact with her but he refuses to discuss anything about my dealings with AS. Hes not in denial as he freely talks about having alzheimers but i think that the thinks accepting help will make him seem worse than what he is - if that makes sense?!?!

I know im at the beginning of a very long journey, i just hope i make it to the end!

A xx