Safeguarding Issue raised by care home re mam

[Graybiker]

I had a phone call from the care home this morning about this.
There was an incident yesterday when another female resident went into mam’s room. Mam had shouted at her to leave and when she didn’t mam pushed her then punched her in the face!
A bit later, the same resident was arguing with someone else, mam got involved and punched her again!

I know she has been aggressive toward staff sometimes, raised her fists for example, but has never touched anyone. And I have no reason to doubt what I was told. We are very happy with the care she receives where she is and the staff are brilliant. I’m wondering if anyone can tell me how many of these kind of incidents mam can get away with before they refuse to have her. Obviously I need to speak to the manager some more, but if anyone has experience of this I’d love to hear, what happens next?

 

[Canadian Joanne]

It sounds like your mother and this other woman dislike each other. If I were you, I would speak to the manager sooner rather than later in order to work out something. It might happen that your mother gets punched one day.

My mother was quite aggressive, both in her retirement home (beginning of her illness) and then in her nursing home. While Mum was still walking, it was quite a problem. I remember when in the retirement home my mother slapped the face of another woman because the woman kept banging on the table. The woman slapped her right back. Mum didn't bother her after that.

In the nursing home, Mum was far more aggressive. Twice she was sectioned (out of the nursing home) because they could not handle her. We went through a lot of medications and tweaking of medications. It was very upsetting.

Let us know what the home says.

 

[Jessbow]

They may well not allow her to get away with any more- I cannot imagine the family of the punch receiver will be overly pleased.

What sort of place is it? Ordinary nursing home or dementia unit?

 

[Sirena]

How much they will tolerate depends on the type of CH, some won't tolerate much disturbance but others have a higher tolerance for those type of incidents. Good idea to speak to a senior staff member and see how they are going to manage it, and what concerns they have now.

My mother has been involved in a couple of minor incidents (a slap on a cardigan'd arm type thing) but nothing as serious as you mention. I was just told about it for info, the staff just separated them and there were no 'consequences'.

 

[Graybiker]

Thanks for the replies.
I haven’t been told who it was, but have strong suspicions. If I am right, this other lady is verbally abusive to anyone she meets, calls ladies bitches etc and spends her day wandering around, usually barefoot. Obviously mam shouldn’t have touched her, but I can kind of understand why, knowing mam’s history. She did punch mam back by the way, didn’t stop her doing it a second time though. Neither lady was hurt Either, thank goodness.
It is a care home specialising in dementia and, as I said, the staff are great at dealing with the residents, but obviously can’t watch all of them all of the time. They are trying to keep them separate but it’s impossible really.
They’re taking a ‘see how it goes’ approach at the moment.

 

[Sirena]

Funnily enough there is a woman at my mother's CH who is sometimes barefoot and verbally aggressive, and I've seen her wield her rollator with menaces. The staff seem to be very good at dealing with her behaviour. I assume she's barefoot because they don't want to have a battle about footwear!

 

[Helly68]

My Mum has, unfortunately been aggressive towards staff and recently there was an incident where she pushed another resident.
I suspect sadly staff accept a certain level of aggression - and anyway Mummy has no idea what she is doing, very impulsive and often quite sorry afterwards. I suspect aggression towards other residents may be more of a problem.
We have met with a psychiatric OT to discuss behaviour management, but we are limited in what we can do because Mummy already takes high does of mood stabilisers and other drugs. May be worth discussing medication and definitely strategies to keep those involved apart.
I try to meet regularly with the CH managers (even if just to say hello) and try to advocate for Mummy, whilst recognising that even though she doesn't understand the implications of her actions, she lives in a community where everyone needs to feel safe. It is a very difficult balance.

 

[Graybiker]

Thanks for all the replies, it’s appreciated.

A quick update. The poor lady that mam punched is now receiving one to one care. Unfortunately her dementia has taken her to a place of aggression, abusive language and violence. I’m not sure how much longer she’ll be staying at this home, but in the meantime they seem to be doing all they can. I can only feel sorry for her and her family, it’s very sad to see.

Thankfully mam has been behaving herself and there are no more incidents to report.

Thanks again
X

 

[Sirena]

Thank you for the update. Very sad for the other lady, it sounds like they are doing the best they can for her.