Frustrated waiting for memory clinic appointment

[Katiedn]

Hi everyone,
I currently care for my mum who has been diagnosed with dementia last month.
She has been going downhill for over a year, (I thought she was just over anxious and the stress was making her forget little things).
She went missing a few months back which kick-started some tests at the hospital (CT scan and blood tests)altho I have been begging her to go to the doctors since last september but she refused many times.
She's constantly confused and twice now she's gone missing and every time that happens her memory worsens, it's like she's having mini strokes and it kills part of her brain each time but she's going down hill so fast and I'm the only family she has left in the area and it's all down to me to look after her ( I live with her and my 6 year old son).
She's recently been leaving the house in the middle of the night and locking herself out by either loosing her keys or picking up padlock keys thinking they are the main doors.
I'm worried sick she's going to end up in serious trouble walking around at night.
I got told last month that the memory clinic are trying to fast track her but I have no idea how long I have to wait for, it's taking a toll on my health too as I'm disabled with auto immune diseases and chronic pain and my little boy is getting increasingly frustrated with his nanny's behaviour.
How long does it take for all these referrals to take?
I really don't think I can last much longer without no support and I know my mum can't either as she is scared and confused and re greiving for people who have died over 25 years ago

 

[nae sporran]

that is a horrible and stressful situation, Katie. Have you explained the situation to social services and asked them for an assessment of your mum's needs based on her diagnosis and the problems it is causing for you both?

 

[Katiedn]

Yes I have, she is currently waiting on care plans from adult social care, age UK, mental health team and the memory clinic.
She's so aggressive too so I have child services looking into things too as they are worried how it's affecting my 6 year old.
She's been really bad today, constantly shouting and calling me and my son names.
Just have no idea how to cope

 

[Katiedn]

I'm also ill at the moment with a infected cyst so on strong antibiotics which are making me feel poorly but I still have to run around do the shopping, cleaning, cooking, washing etc all alone.
Just physically and mentally exhausted and with no where to turn to

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry that sounds more serious than I thought, Katie. There is a national dementia helpline who can advise you and there is also the Samaritans if you need to talk to someone beyond this forum. Both have helped me in the recent past.
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Katiedn
you really are facing a host of challenges
I'm glad you have child services involved too, as they may be able to add their voice to get your family the support you need

you might also contact Admiral Nurses, as they are there to support the carer ... if there isn't a nurse in your area, they have a helpline too ... don't hold back in telling them you are at the end of your tether, worried about your own health and your son, as well as your mum
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/

don't be afraid to also chase up Social Services etc, let them know you are now ill yourself and just not coping .. maybe ask about some emergency respite to give you a break ... the fact that your mum is walking out at night is a real concern (can you hide keys so she can't let herself out, but obviously you have them to hand in case of emergency)

is there a chance of getting a urine sample to her GP, to check for a UTI

and have a chat with your GP about you, the GP may be willing to contact the various professionals on your behalf to say you are at carer breakdown and need support now

are there LPAs in place for your mum, as these will give you legal authority to support her
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

is there any way you could have a home help to do some of the household chores, though I appreciate that costs money