One of the challenges of caring for a loved one with both dementia and cancer can be if they do not remember that they have a cancer diagnosis.
We are sharing some experiences from carers of people with dementia and cancer. They reflected on the positives of their loved one not knowing they have cancer, but also spoke of the ways in which it made it more difficult for themselves, both emotionally and in providing physical cancer care.
Feel free to comment with your own experiences of this or advice for others going through the same.
Below is the experience of a woman caring for her husband with young onset dementia and bowel cancer:
“And when your husband has dementia as well as cancer, I think what makes it difficult is you’re not simply there for support, you have to direct everything. They can’t help with their own care. It was very difficult to get him to understand to do certain things, and he was very frightened sometimes because he couldn’t quite understand what was happening and that was difficult to manage.
“And my feeling was that because cancer is mechanical, if your partner doesn’t have dementia, you can fight it together as a team. When your partner has dementia, you’re fighting it alone. You really are. And you’re pulling a weight with you, which is lack of cognition that your partner has.
“But also seeing him suffer, and not being able to help it or explain it in a way that he could truly understand or retain the knowledge, he might understand it in the moment but then he would forget. And that’s very hard to see. In many ways I imagine it’s like having a child and not being able to make them understand why they have to suffer.
“Now, he doesn’t understand that he had cancer, which is a blessing. I found that out ‘cause when we were there I was talking to the doctor about something else and I mentioned his cancer treatment, he said “I had cancer?!”. Amazing isn’t it, that he doesn’t remember. I’m glad because he suffered, so I’m glad in a way that if something has to be gone I’m glad it’s that.”
Have you experienced something similar? What advice would you give to others going through the same? We’d be happy to hear your thoughts.
We are sharing some experiences from carers of people with dementia and cancer. They reflected on the positives of their loved one not knowing they have cancer, but also spoke of the ways in which it made it more difficult for themselves, both emotionally and in providing physical cancer care.
Feel free to comment with your own experiences of this or advice for others going through the same.
Below is the experience of a woman caring for her husband with young onset dementia and bowel cancer:
“And when your husband has dementia as well as cancer, I think what makes it difficult is you’re not simply there for support, you have to direct everything. They can’t help with their own care. It was very difficult to get him to understand to do certain things, and he was very frightened sometimes because he couldn’t quite understand what was happening and that was difficult to manage.
“And my feeling was that because cancer is mechanical, if your partner doesn’t have dementia, you can fight it together as a team. When your partner has dementia, you’re fighting it alone. You really are. And you’re pulling a weight with you, which is lack of cognition that your partner has.
“But also seeing him suffer, and not being able to help it or explain it in a way that he could truly understand or retain the knowledge, he might understand it in the moment but then he would forget. And that’s very hard to see. In many ways I imagine it’s like having a child and not being able to make them understand why they have to suffer.
“Now, he doesn’t understand that he had cancer, which is a blessing. I found that out ‘cause when we were there I was talking to the doctor about something else and I mentioned his cancer treatment, he said “I had cancer?!”. Amazing isn’t it, that he doesn’t remember. I’m glad because he suffered, so I’m glad in a way that if something has to be gone I’m glad it’s that.”
Have you experienced something similar? What advice would you give to others going through the same? We’d be happy to hear your thoughts.