hi
@TriciaBee
it sounds as though your husband can still tune into the sound of your voice but visually he may be looking for a much younger version of you, so as the older woman he sees when you visit isn't his young wife of decades ago, you can't be his wife .. he may even be back before you married so having someone behave intimately with him may be a surprise
I wonder how you approach him when you visit .. to give my dad time to orientate himself, each visit, before he saw me, I called out to him cheerily 'Hi dad, it's Shedrech, I thought I might find you here ( or some positive greeting) ...' - he therefore had a chance to hear my voice, recognise it, hear that I was his child and what my name is all before he saw me ... I went in quite slowly so as not to overwhelm him, let him greet me (usually with his latest grumble) and picked up on his mood, so was jolly if he was smiling, quiet if he seemed anxious etc .. I was also ready, if he was just not open to a visit, to back off with some excuse eg 'Sorry, forgot your coffee, I'll just go and make one' and either let him be or tried again with a coffee in hand, ready to sit and chat or simply offer the coffee and retreat
I do agree about the phone calls ... I appreciate the calls are a way for the 2 of you to communicate ... umpteen calls, though, sounds more as though your husband is turning immediately to you rather than the staff who might otherwise be able to settle him and give whatever support he needs at that moment ... and it doesn't give you a break .. might you instead agree on a call at a certain time you get to speak together and create a routine
same with visits, would it be possible to visit maybe every other day at a regular time, eg an hour before a meal, so you have a chance to leave him with a definite distraction