Silence

[Vic10]

i have been following and have contributed to the thread about meaningful conversations and the responses have made me think about the silences.
I think I have presumed the silences were related to medication but maybe not. Are the silences related to Alzheimer’s?
We can go days with OH barely saying a word without being prompted. When asked he seems content enough but then lapses into silence again.
We did go through a time when he was very angry and shouted at me all the time so the silences are definitely preferable.

 

[canary]

This sounds exactly like my OH @Vic10
I sit for hours upon hours in silence - my OH will only talk about something related to him, or to tell me about something that he has read on his tablet. I used to use these comments as starters for conversation, but it just made him angry, so now I just say something like "thats nice". My OH does not have any medication for Alzheimers so its not that.

 

[SandraKD]

OH has been silent unless spoken to for a couple of years now. One word answers usually when asked a question, or as few as possible to communicate what he wants. Very rarely now does he initiate speaking. No medication for dementia.

 

[Grannie G]

My husband had Alzheimer`s @Vic10

I used to think my husband was silent because he had nothing to say. I often wondered about his thought processes. Was he thinking about anything or was he just letting life pass him by?

This was in the later stages, past the anger and aggression, past the hallucinations, past the paranoia.

I agree, it was much less stressful.

Most of the times I offered open-ended questions which could be answered with a yes or a no.

Did he want to go out? Did he want a drink? Was he hungry? Was he comfortable?

He managed these until end of life care.

 

[DennyD]

My husband's silences are because he has increasing difficulty in finding the right words, saying things backward, or meaning the opposite. I do think he has become aware of this because of the reactions of others, as a result he's opted to say very little.

 

[Vic10]

My husband had Alzheimer`s @Vic10

I used to think my husband was silent because he had nothing to say. I often wondered about his thought processes. Was he thinking about anything or was he just letting life pass him by?

This was in the later stages, past the anger and aggression, past the hallucinations, past the paranoia.

I agree, it was much less stressful.

Most of the times I offered open-ended questions which could be answered with a yes or a no.

Did he want to go out? Did he want a drink? Was he hungry? Was he comfortable?

He managed these until end of life care.

Oh yes, I sit here and wonder about his thought process, I don’t think he is thinking about anything but I could be wrong. Sometimes I ask but more often I think it’s better not to know...it may well be something that I’d rather not hear!

 

[RosettaT]

My OH has become less responsive over the last few months but he has had repeated UTIs over that time. He gets a far away look in his eyes and I often wonder what is going on in his head. He can answer very simple questions like, 'would you like a drink'? And he does at times say he loves me (worth all the tea in China to hear that) But gone is the art of conversation.

We had a friend visit last week who is larger than life any way and raised his voice to speak to him. I could see hubby was not impressed and I had to point out that OH isn't deaf!

 

[lilypat]

My OH was a quite man when in company he did not know, but always chatty when out with friends and I have seen that dwindle this last year .we always had something to talk about in and out of the home .But these days he will sit quietly for hours at home .
When out it can be heart breaking to watch as he just sits and longer joins in .
He is better with 1 to 1 conversation than a large group.
I did think it was his hearing but I notice that if a joke is said he laughs.

 

[canary]

I used to think my husband was silent because he had nothing to say. I often wondered about his thought processes. Was he thinking about anything or was he just letting life pass him by?

Im pretty sure that OH is thinking about things - it just doesnt occur to him to verbalise it! He is also having increasing problems word-finding.

Quite often I discover something and OH seems to think that I aught to have known about it already. Telepathy isnt a reliable form of communication in our house

 

[Grannie G]

I did think it was his hearing but I notice that if a joke is said he laughs.

Be sure he is not laughing because everyone else is @lilypat. It`s a common ploy for people with a hearing loss to bluff it out as I know to my cost.

 

[maryjoan]

Interesting thread - yes, silence is the preferred norm in this house too.

He often sits,leaning forward in his chair, looking at the floor - seemingly deep in thought.
When I have asked him what he is thinking about he days "Nothing" and that is probably quite correct.
All the quiz shows he has on the TV - which is bang next to his chair- I am increasingly thinking is a buffer to the real world - because I do not think he knows what they are about - apart from Countdown, which he joins in with.

 

[lilypat]

Now you have got me thinking @Grannie G . He seems to hear ok but I do repeat myself a lot which I put down to the dementia. A trip to the opticians for a test may be needed.thanks for pointing that out.

 

[marionq]

I decided to test this idea of thoughts hidden by silence the other day. My husband is a good natured if much changed person nowadays. I sat beside him and said lets talk for a change. I asked him to tell me if there was anything on his mind he wanted to tell me about. It was all very calm and no pressure.

I'm sorry to say that what he had to tell me was a confused ramble about nothing much at all. No deep thoughts, no worries or troubles just a pot pourri of things fleeting through his mind. That is what I think goes on all of the time - a jumble. His mind is broken and cannot form coherent thoughts any more.

 

[Grannie G]

I`m afraid I agree @marionq. It`s sad isn`t it.

 

[Grannie G]

@lilypat

I think it`s possibly a combination. A loss of language, which includes a loss of ability to process language plus possible age-related hearing loss.