Mum

[Laine1942]

Hi I'm new to this group.
my mum has been diagnosed 4 weeks ago with dementia, although I have suspected since January there was something wrong with her.
My mum constantly says she has seen TV programme's before and has heard conversations, she gets really confused as she can't understand why she is seeing the same program over and over again and keeps saying "this isn't right this program shouldn't be repeated why is this? I agree with her every time she's saying this and I can't explain why they are repeating the same programme. I just wondered if anyone else has experienced these symptoms with thier parent?
She hasn't been well today with this feeling in her head and has begged my to stay with her, I've been told I need to pull away from her as she will just Constantly need me more and more, but how do i do this without feeling guilty? I see my mum everyday, ive come to the conclusion today I can't do this by myself and I've asked for help.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Laine1942, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I care for my wife, who is about 3 years post diagnosis and has been experiencing this same symptom for a couple of years. I put it down to misfiling in the brain. Early brain damage often results in the loss of the ability to make new memories so I think the brain then just processes the input as a previous memory. It is a strange thing.

On the caring front, it has to be said that not everyone can do it and this is what you may be encountering. It's early days for the both of you so give things time to settle as you may both be experiencing what is know as anticipatory grief (grief for the future that is lost, and very common after diagnosis). I got through this by knuckling down to putting all affairs in order and getting myself organised for what was to come. Don't be afraid to express any feelings and you are now amongst people who understand.

Have a chat with the GP as there may be help available there. My wife is medicated for both anxiety and depression as well as Alzheimer's. These conditions are common bedfellows.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done.

On the communication front you may find very useful tips in the thread that can be reached by clicking the following link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[Bunpoots]

Hello @Laine1942 and welcome from me too.

My dad used to think everything on the TV was a repeat - even the news! He also thought he knew a lot of the newsreaders and had worked with them in various building projects...l just put it down to one of those dementia quirks and agreed with him. "Oh did you?" and "Mmmm" became my favourite phrases.
With dad this phase soon passed.

I'm glad you're looking for help with your mum. You are right that it's impossible for one person to deal with. I thought I could manage alone but soon realised I was wrong!!!

I found some brilliant carers who understood dementia and if I visited when they were there I would hear dad chatting happily away to them while they efficiently did the necessary. They were lovely to him and I found their help and support a great relief. It gave me time to chat with dad on my visits instead of rushing around doing damage control. So do what you need to and don't feel guilty.

I started with a couple of carer visits a week for dad to give me a break and built up to every morning quite quickly. The agency were happy to work with me to ensure dad wouldn't be overwhelmed by any sudden changes in his routine. I then introduced other care visits as his needs grew.

 

[Laine1942]

I'm sorry to hear about your husband, it's a awful disease, I've been very tearful this weekend. Thank you for your advice, I have someone coming out to see me Wednesday, I have done power of attorney and healthcare, im in the process of registering as my mums carer, ive got loads of paperwork to fill in but can't seem to find 5 to fill it in at the moment as my mum hasn't been well at all since Thursday, she's having terrible heads and hot flushes. She is booked in on Thursday to see a doctor hopefully they can give her something to help.

 

[Laine1942]

Thank you kariokepete and Bunpoots, I was having trouble replying last week to your messages and I've just figured it out as I kept getting a error message.

 

[PhysicsLady]

Hi I'm new to this group.
my mum has been diagnosed 4 weeks ago with dementia, although I have suspected since January there was something wrong with her.
My mum constantly says she has seen TV programme's before and has heard conversations, she gets really confused as she can't understand why she is seeing the same program over and over again and keeps saying "this isn't right this program shouldn't be repeated why is this? I agree with her every time she's saying this and I can't explain why they are repeating the same programme. I just wondered if anyone else has experienced these symptoms with thier parent?
She hasn't been well today with this feeling in her head and has begged my to stay with her, I've been told I need to pull away from her as she will just Constantly need me more and more, but how do i do this without feeling guilty? I see my mum everyday, ive come to the conclusion today I can't do this by myself and I've asked for help.

 

[PhysicsLady]

Hi Laine,
I’m new to the forum, but much further along in the process, my mum was diagnosed nearly five years ago. You will soon learn lots of non committal responses like “yes they show so many repeats don’t they?” Seek as much help as you can, it’s far too much for one person. The guilt doesn’t go away, but you need to set your own boundaries and stick to them otherwise you will make yourself ill. Keep reminding yourself that you are doing as much as you can, and you are only human. Also, if you haven’t already done so, get power of attorney for financial and medical purposes sorted our now. We only did financial, and it’s now getting to be a bit of a problem not having medical power of attorney. Didn’t realise at the time that there were two sorts.

If your mum will go to social groups/ support groups that would take some of the pressure off. My mum resisted. She developed a tummy ache every time it was time for the Cognitive enrichment group, which evaporated an hour later.

Make time for fun too. The best advice I got was from the memory clinic consultant who told me to make happy memories. I have a scrapbook with tickets and photos from concerts and day trips we have done over the years, and even though mum can’t remember them, I can and I know that she was happy in those moments. When your mum is tired and happy, she will fall asleep. Music is great.

 

[Laine1942]

Hi I've had a very bad few days, last Friday mum wanted a doctor so I called her bluff and said she would have to call them herself and explain what is wrong with her thinking that she wouldn't, 20 mins later mum calls me up and says they are here can you come and answer the door (I live 5 mins away from her) I said who are there mum? She said the ambulance! So I rushed over to her house and said how sorry I was to the paramedic and explained what mum had. He was so nice and said not to worry as this happens all the time, they did all the checks on my mum and all was ok.
I've realised over the last few days if I take her out her deja vu is very bad and she gets this worried look on her face, I could cry for her, I think the best way forward is not to take her in public places but where the heck do I take her? She had another episode today, I had to go to the hospital and she came with me and like before she started getting confused, and said everyone was repeating themselves. When I got her home she lay down for a rest and I went home for a couple of hours, by the time I got back she was crying (no tears though) saying she needed a doctor again, I told her she had seen a paramedic, is always at the doctors and all had been checked out ok with her. I was so upset yet again and had to leave, when I got home I look on the cctv and she was walking around as if she was fine! (I know she isnt) I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow fingers crossed.