My mom had an ischemic stroke in 2014. At the time she lived long distance from me. She is a widow (my dad died 25 years ago) aged 74. I spent a lot of time with her after the stroke. She didn't have any motor impairment but did get aphasia. It took several months for her to get her speech back, but she did, I would say she got back to about 80% because she would still mix up certain words (saying he for she and inverting other words) but she mentally would know the right word. We would make light of it because I could tell her cognitive function was still good. She got back to her old routine fairly well and continued to socialize with her friends.
About a year later she had a seizure and her friend took her to the ER. Initially it was thought she may have had another stroke but while at the hospital the neurologist witnessed another seizure (which he gave IV ativan to stop it). She had an MRI done and there was no acute stroke but it did show "Moderate chronic small vessel ischemic change without acute infarct.". She was put on an anti-seizure med. In the year that followed she had her neurologist switch her seizure med a few times complaining of "balance problems". She ended up staying on lamictal.
About two years ago she started complaining more and more about her "balance problems" and started voicing concerns about needing to move from her condo because there were steps. That seemed reasonable to me, but then the conversation turned to wanting to move close to me where I live. This concerned me because 1- my mom and I have never had a super tight relationship. To put it bluntly she is a narcissist and wasn't a good mother to her kids while we were growing up. We've all made our peace for our own mental sanity, but also all of us kept a safe distance. She also was very involved with her friends, and especially one friend in particular, her best friend. They spent a lot of time together doing things. Basically she was living her life her way and was content.
I noticed on a visit that the friend kept dropping hints to my husband and myself about my mom "needing to move by me". I also learned my mom had not been going out anymore and was basically isolating in her own place. I noticed some cognitive decline but I didn't really focus on it.
To make a LONG story short I ended up helping her by a condo right next to mine. She moved last Oct.
I must have been in some kind of denial, because what I have seen since she has gotten her is a whole different ballgame. Her memory is shot. In just about every interaction I have with her I see a deficit. For example I didn't know that she can no longer write. All she can do is sign her name. She can't even write out a check. Her friend came to visit last Nov and gave me this big hug with tears in her eyes and said she missed my mom but she was "where she needed to be". Yeah.... this friend has known for awhile, and in private was the first person to use the word "dementia" to me. No doctor has ever diagnosed her. I should add that my mom is good at hiding her deficits for short periods of time. She will keep quiet or blame her old stroke/aphasia.
My mom has an appointment to see a new neurologist the end of March. In the meantime I am having a very hard time as I feel my whole life has been hijacked. My mom won't (or rather can't) meet new people. Twice I have set up lunches with neighbors/friends and both times she was polite but I could tell there would be zero effort to forge a new friendship. She has ZERO interest in the local senior center. Three days after one of the lunches she forgot we even went. Like zero recall of it, including the place we went.
I went to my psychiatrist and took some of her old neurologists notes on her old MRIs. He also works with dementia patients so I told him of my concerns. I asked him if I was dealing with vascular dementia and he didn't hesitate for one second, he said YES.
So here I am..... terrified of both her future and mine. My own depression and anxiety over this is off the charts.
To say I'm looking for support is an understatement.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this wall of text. I didn't want my first post to be so long, but here it is
About a year later she had a seizure and her friend took her to the ER. Initially it was thought she may have had another stroke but while at the hospital the neurologist witnessed another seizure (which he gave IV ativan to stop it). She had an MRI done and there was no acute stroke but it did show "Moderate chronic small vessel ischemic change without acute infarct.". She was put on an anti-seizure med. In the year that followed she had her neurologist switch her seizure med a few times complaining of "balance problems". She ended up staying on lamictal.
About two years ago she started complaining more and more about her "balance problems" and started voicing concerns about needing to move from her condo because there were steps. That seemed reasonable to me, but then the conversation turned to wanting to move close to me where I live. This concerned me because 1- my mom and I have never had a super tight relationship. To put it bluntly she is a narcissist and wasn't a good mother to her kids while we were growing up. We've all made our peace for our own mental sanity, but also all of us kept a safe distance. She also was very involved with her friends, and especially one friend in particular, her best friend. They spent a lot of time together doing things. Basically she was living her life her way and was content.
I noticed on a visit that the friend kept dropping hints to my husband and myself about my mom "needing to move by me". I also learned my mom had not been going out anymore and was basically isolating in her own place. I noticed some cognitive decline but I didn't really focus on it.
To make a LONG story short I ended up helping her by a condo right next to mine. She moved last Oct.
I must have been in some kind of denial, because what I have seen since she has gotten her is a whole different ballgame. Her memory is shot. In just about every interaction I have with her I see a deficit. For example I didn't know that she can no longer write. All she can do is sign her name. She can't even write out a check. Her friend came to visit last Nov and gave me this big hug with tears in her eyes and said she missed my mom but she was "where she needed to be". Yeah.... this friend has known for awhile, and in private was the first person to use the word "dementia" to me. No doctor has ever diagnosed her. I should add that my mom is good at hiding her deficits for short periods of time. She will keep quiet or blame her old stroke/aphasia.
My mom has an appointment to see a new neurologist the end of March. In the meantime I am having a very hard time as I feel my whole life has been hijacked. My mom won't (or rather can't) meet new people. Twice I have set up lunches with neighbors/friends and both times she was polite but I could tell there would be zero effort to forge a new friendship. She has ZERO interest in the local senior center. Three days after one of the lunches she forgot we even went. Like zero recall of it, including the place we went.
I went to my psychiatrist and took some of her old neurologists notes on her old MRIs. He also works with dementia patients so I told him of my concerns. I asked him if I was dealing with vascular dementia and he didn't hesitate for one second, he said YES.
So here I am..... terrified of both her future and mine. My own depression and anxiety over this is off the charts.
To say I'm looking for support is an understatement.
Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this wall of text. I didn't want my first post to be so long, but here it is