This is so hard to talk about with friends face to face but I just know people on this forum will have wise words for me. My OH is 83 (I am 15 years younger) and he has had Alzheimer’s for around 8 years - diagnosed nearly 5 years ago. We have been together for about 25 years. We kind of gave up on sex about 5 -6 years ago. He is diabetic and had some “mechanical” problems and I had some post menopausal symptoms that made everything difficult. As his disease has progressed our relationship has changed so much. I don’t feel I have a husband any more, it’s more like being a single parent. Dementia and his increased mental and physical frailty has robbed us of all the things we enjoyed together - like travelling, theatre, eating out, walking etc. I have to make every decision and manage every aspect of our lives from the trivial to the most fundamental. I admit I resent all this and my feelings for him have changed totally. I feel trapped and lonely.
Suddenly this morning he was edgy and clearly wanted to say something. He proceeded to tell me how much he misses sex and still wants to have sex and only wants to have it with me. I was just horrified - I barely want to kiss him these days and the thought of anything more is just abhorrent. I feel very guilty but that’s how it is. I just told him that as we have not had sex for so long I just don’t think about it anymore (not completely true but that’s another issue!). He has gone off to lunch club now and I am just praying he will forget about it. He is just back from a respite week in a care home so perhaps one of the women there has stirred up things for him. Feeling poleaxed!
Suddenly this morning he was edgy and clearly wanted to say something. He proceeded to tell me how much he misses sex and still wants to have sex and only wants to have it with me. I was just horrified - I barely want to kiss him these days and the thought of anything more is just abhorrent. I feel very guilty but that’s how it is. I just told him that as we have not had sex for so long I just don’t think about it anymore (not completely true but that’s another issue!). He has gone off to lunch club now and I am just praying he will forget about it. He is just back from a respite week in a care home so perhaps one of the women there has stirred up things for him. Feeling poleaxed!
