Mum's Funeral Today

[Andyp101]

Hi everyone,

I have nothing profound to share, just that it was as above...My Mum's funeral. The Church was packed. Family that I had fallen out with or that I had not seen in years. All there to pay respects now when she does not need it. I know Church and hypocrisy can go hand in hand (and that is not to disrespect any Christians because I met some wonderful people this morning who had knew my Mum from church and genuinely loved her) but when Mum was alone (before her dementia), when she was in the midst of her dementia, where were they?

I'm sorry. I am angry. I shouldn't be. Mum has gone and she could care less about their duplicity but still...

 

[myss]

Hi @Andyp101 I'm sorry to hear about your dear mum's passing. You asked where were all those people when your mum was alive, could it be that they just didn't know or understand how to be around your mum? Take from their appearance at her funeral that they may have still have your mum in their hearts and minds and that's why they were there to pay their respects. And to have the church 'packed', you Mum must have been well thought of.

All the best on this bittersweet day for you x

 

[Baker17]

Hi everyone,

I have nothing profound to share, just that it was as above...My Mum's funeral. The Church was packed. Family that I had fallen out with or that I had not seen in years. All there to pay respects now when she does not need it. I know Church and hypocrisy can go hand in hand (and that is not to disrespect any Christians because I met some wonderful people this morning who had knew my Mum from church and genuinely loved her) but when Mum was alone (before her dementia), when she was in the midst of her dementia, where were they?

I'm sorry. I am angry. I shouldn't be. Mum has gone and she could care less about their duplicity but still...

I’m sorry your mother has passed away and the lack of people who were around when your mother was alive. Unfortunately there is a distinct lack of family around for my husband now despite him being moved (against my better wishes) with false promises being made by a relative at the COP (under oath I may add) that family would visit daily if he was moved, needless to say in the first fortnight they did visit and then nothing, this is since November 2018. To say I am furious is an understatement because the manager of the new home wants him out because they can’t cope with him when he was happy and settled in the first home. I will not be happy if they deem to turn up at his funeral, but, when his brother died of cancer none of the family had been to see him in the five years he was ill but they turned up in droves. His brothers wife wasn’t best pleased because again promises to visit never materialised during his illness. So my experience is out of sight out of mind alas, this may sound bitter but I hope they are never in the same situation,but, maybe it will prick the conscience of this people, my condolences

 

[lis66]

Sorry for your loss Andy101 I totally agree with you ,my mum's best friend since school lives three doors away from mum,since ad has progressed ,she sees mum about twice a year if even,and I get so cross my mum sat with her friend's husband while he was going through a breakdown to give her friend a break ,I have often said to my husband when mums time comes I don't want them at the funeral when they couldn't acknowledge her when she was alive ,that includes her brother who never bothers also !!

 

[Grannie G]

Try not to beat yourself up about fair weather people @Andyp101. They are not worth expending your energy on.

Your mother is at rest now and it`s time for you to find peace,

 

[Moggymad]

I can understand that you feel that way, feeling angry on your mums behalf as well as yourself. I've seen how fickle people can be but you are a better person than them so don't hurt yourself by keeping the anger in. Let it go, they are not worth it.
When my dad died he hadn't been in contact with his brothers & inlaws for years. They were never close anyway. One of the SIL said to my mum that they wouldn't come to the service but would come to the wake. The cheek of it! We did our own wake at mums flat & they were not invited.

 

[father ted]

Sorry for your loss Andy
I am glad that there were lots of people there to pay their respects it reflects that your Mum was loved even if those very people could not show that love in practical ways when she was alive- what can one say people are flawed. What mattered that the most important person through her journey was you and you were there every step of the way.

 

[MaNaAk]

Hi everyone,

I have nothing profound to share, just that it was as above...My Mum's funeral. The Church was packed. Family that I had fallen out with or that I had not seen in years. All there to pay respects now when she does not need it. I know Church and hypocrisy can go hand in hand (and that is not to disrespect any Christians because I met some wonderful people this morning who had knew my Mum from church and genuinely loved her) but when Mum was alone (before her dementia), when she was in the midst of her dementia, where were they?

I'm sorry. I am angry. I shouldn't be. Mum has gone and she could care less about their duplicity but still...

Dear Andy,

I just want to say that I am thinking about you.

Hugs to you

MaNaAk

 

[myss]

I’m sorry your mother has passed away and the lack of people who were around when your mother was alive. Unfortunately there is a distinct lack of family around for my husband now despite him being moved (against my better wishes) with false promises being made by a relative at the COP (under oath I may add) that family would visit daily if he was moved, needless to say in the first fortnight they did visit and then nothing, this is since November 2018. To say I am furious is an understatement because the manager of the new home wants him out because they can’t cope with him when he was happy and settled in the first home. I will not be happy if they deem to turn up at his funeral, but, when his brother died of cancer none of the family had been to see him in the five years he was ill but they turned up in droves. His brothers wife wasn’t best pleased because again promises to visit never materialised during his illness. So my experience is out of sight out of mind alas, this may sound bitter but I hope they are never in the same situation,but, maybe it will prick the conscience of this people, my condolences

If your relatives were made deputies or given other rights by the CoP, I think you can complain to the CoP if you think they've not carries out those duties/rights properly. Have a read on their website if you're interested.

 

[Baker17]

If your relatives were made deputies or given other rights by the CoP, I think you can complain to the CoP if you think they've not carries out those duties/rights properly. Have a read on their website if you're interested.

Thanks for your reply, none of the relatives have been made deputies or have been given any other rights by the COP. One of my husband’s relatives complained to social services about the half hour drive (it was half an hour for me too) to visit my husband and that’s why the judge took the decision to have him moved.