Been allocated 3 weeks respite by LA but Mum won’t go!

[Wookie101]

A few weeks ago, I started the ball rolling, after a SW told me that I could get up to 3 weeks a year respite for my Mother, for only £137.48 a week, instead of paying £900 + as self funding, the thing is, even though as bad as she is mentally, she’s refusing point blank to go, she’s not thinking about my need for a break, before I start climbing the walls, is she.. sometimes I really hate her, but then I feel guilty and bad, because deep down she can’t help it.

What strategies have you used, to try to get her to go, before I am forced to make her go out of desperation.

 

[Grannie G]

I told my husband the doctor said he needed convalescence to build up his strength. Two members of the Mental Health Team came for support, one for me and one for my husband, just in case.

I don`t know if anyone would be available to support you and your mother @Wookie101 but there`s no harm in asking for support.

 

[fortune]

After 7 years 24/7 I decided to go away for a big break. My mum was not keen and I felt conflicted about the whole idea, but I knew I had to have a proper break. In the end I decided to blame myself! I told her it was all my fault that I couldn't manage to keep going and it was absolutely not her fault. She accepted this and went to the home- reluctantly - but she went.

 

[Duggies-girl]

She won't understand it and she won't consider your needs. It is the nature of the disease and she will only think of herself. You will have to be sneaky and use an untruth if necessary.

Tell her anything that works. You won a stay in a hotel and you think she deserves it more. Anything you can think of, make it sound like she's the lucky one but do it somehow.

 

[canary]

OH has just been on a weeks respite and I sold it to him as a weeks holiday.
He liked it so much that he now thinks it was his idea to go.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Wookie101
do you take your mother out at all eg for a coffee ... if you do, I'd suggest you say no more to her about the respite stay, pack a bag without her knowing and buy/make her favourite cake or whatever is a treat in her eyes - on the day simply say you are going out for coffee and cake as a treat to a lovely new place a friend has recommended - let the care home staff know that this is what you are going to do, so they are prepared (I doubt there will be a problem, they will be used to all sorts of ways of getting a resident into the building) - when your mother is settled to her cake, say aren't the folk here lovely and you are popping out to get some shopping/something from the car/go to the loo and leave without any fuss - sounds harsh, but you need a break - if your mother would stay fairly calm, you could instead say she's there for a holiday (maybe add, while you get some repairs done to your house which will be noisy and dusty, and how quiet and clean it is here) - don't make a fuss when you leave and keep a smile on your face all the time so your mum only picks up positive vibes
you might write a card for her, saying you hope she has a lovely break and will see her soon (don't say when), and leave it with the staff to show her if she asks about you

to be honest, from what you write in your other thread, I'd be very tempted to see if the home could extend the visit and then let Social Services know that your mother has moved and you are unable to have her back ....