Tour de Yorkshire brings dementia home

[northumbrian_k]

Sitting watching the Tour de Yorkshire on television with my wife, I commented that it was interesting that the captions were using the French terminology associated with that other famous race - not just the universal 'peloton' but 'poursuivants' and 'tete de la course' as well. Her comment - not a response as such - was that she wondered if her Dad (107 years young) would be there watching the race as he usually is. As I said in a previous post, we are now at the stage where nothing worthwhile can be shared.

 

[nae sporran]

It's a horrible lonely time when that realisation hits, sorry it's happening to you Northumbrian_k

 

[maryjoan]

Sitting watching the Tour de Yorkshire on television with my wife, I commented that it was interesting that the captions were using the French terminology associated with that other famous race - not just the universal 'peloton' but 'poursuivants' and 'tete de la course' as well. Her comment - not a response as such - was that she wondered if her Dad (107 years young) would be there watching the race as he usually is. As I said in a previous post, we are now at the stage where nothing worthwhile can be shared.

And that is so sad for you - I understand - your joys, your sorrows that once could be shared are now yours alone, and that can never be the same. This disease makes a mockery of us all..... take care and I understand your love of the cycling, as my son shares it - he also has his own bike shop !!

 

[Banjomansmate]

Before his dementia took hold, my social life revolved around musical events with The Banjoman but by last year I realised I needed something new, interesting but flexible to work in with being his “carer”. I became involved with a Bat rescue charity and spent many happy hours last summer caring for these fascinating little creatures. The Banjoman found my stories of what I was doing quite entertaining and showed an interest in what was happening.
A year later and now he is in residential care and during my weekly visits I have been telling him about the things I have been doing, trying to arouse his interest in subjects outside of his reduced lifestyle (he mostly sits alone in his room, refusing to join in with social activities in the communal areas) but he shows little interest in anything I have to say to him, he is far too busy picking up imaginary specks of dirt or invisible threads to care about what I am saying!

 

[DennyD]

And that is so sad for you - I understand - your joys, your sorrows that once could be shared are now yours alone, and that can never be the same. This disease makes a mockery of us all..... take care and I understand your love of the cycling, as my son shares it - he also has his own bike shop !!

 

[DennyD]

I was going to comment but changed my mind. Sorry, feeling too vulnerable.

 

[northumbrian_k]

I was going to comment but changed my mind. Sorry, feeling too vulnerable.

That's OK @DennyD. The last thing that I want is for my posts to cause any upset to others. I don't know your situation but hope that - as it has done for me - the support of the members on this site can help you deal with what you are facing.

 

[DennyD]

that's Ok. I had just been cutting my husband's hair and beard as he refuses to visit the barber's. I find it increasingly difficult to be physically near him, and I'm no barber! Your post that sharing something worthwhile becomes increasingly less just hit home. Then maryjoan referred to this disease making a mockery of us made me initially cross - thinking I'm not worthless! But after pondering I admitted to myself, yes it does make a mockery of me, which turned into intense sorrow. No offence taken by you Northumbrian nor by maryjoan.

 

[Janie M]

That's the hard thing @northumbrian_k , just a normal conversation or comment missed. After nearly 40 years I miss sharing moments and thoughts

 

[Guzelle]

I miss not being able to tell him much as it takes a lot of explaining and even then he won’t understand. It’s just so lonely and isolating.

 

[northumbrian_k]

that's Ok. I had just been cutting my husband's hair and beard as he refuses to visit the barber's. I find it increasingly difficult to be physically near him, and I'm no barber! .

Have you tried finding a hairdresser/barber who will come to your home? My wife became increasingly restless when we went to the hair salon (the owners asked me to attend too) and we had to stop going. Finding a home hairdresser who is familiar with dementia means that she gets a cut and colour every few weeks and a wash and blow dry once a fortnight. A massive improvement on not washing her hair at all.

 

[jenniferjean]

I miss not being able to tell him much as it takes a lot of explaining and even then he won’t understand. It’s just so lonely and isolating.

Why do I bother? Why do I bother to try and explain things to him. No, he doesn't understand, can't understand. But I sometimes feel I must tell someone when I hear or see something, but there's nobody else here. So I try to explain and then I get cross. Cross with myself for bothering.

 

[canary]

Yes, I regularly say to myself - It would have been better if I had said nothing

 

[Lilac Blossom]

Yes, I regularly say to myself - It would have been better if I had said nothing

Same here - it's so hard to live like this. Don't you just long to share a very simple joke and to have someone to laugh with.

 

[canary]

Same here - it's so hard to live like this. Don't you just long to share a very simple joke and to have someone to laugh with.

Or have a proper conversation without being accused of telling them what to think.........

 

[Justmary]

Same here - it's so hard to live like this. Don't you just long to share a very simple joke and to have someone to laugh with.

Yes indeed, it makes such a difference. Our son came to visit for a week, from South America, and it was marvellous. Even though OH's behaviour did not change in any way, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. We (son and I) had conversations during meals! Bliss.

 

[Guzelle]

When my daughter comes to see us for the day we both feel better. It’s having someone else there to share the load and have a Normal conversation.?

 

[jenniferjean]

When my daughter comes to see us for the day we both feel better. It’s having someone else there to share the load and have a Normal conversation.?

I wish I did. My daughter has four year old twins and when she visits she's mostly on her phone and she thinks me having the twins to focus on will take my mind off things. There's still no adult conversation.

 

[AliceA]

Not the complete answer but I am booked in for a FurtureLearn course about Dysphagia, it starts on the 20th.

Just before last weekend I glanced at the site a chose a short course just for the fun of it, I chose a subject with which I have some previous knowledge, I feel uplifted, it has been inspiring and I have exchanged thoughts and ideas with some lovely people. Adult conversations at there best.
I know time is short but so are the courses. This one was 9 hours over three weeks. I did it while my husband was sleeping, at my own pace. Final part will be released this week. Each 3 hours was broken into six segments. This suit me well. I too need adult imput not care related.