Hello I have just joined

Pat42

Registered User
Oct 13, 2008
2
0
Liverpool
Hi,
I have just joined, I look after my mother who is 90 and has Alzheimers.
I wnated to contact other carers, who understand.
I think unless you care for someone, you don't understand what is involved.
I get very tired and sometimes quite lonely, other times frustrated that my life has been put on hold.
I get upset when I feel this way.
Do other carers feel this way sometimes?
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,971
0
Derbyshire
get very tired and sometimes quite lonely, other times frustrated that my life has been put on hold.

Hello and welcome to TP. I have highlighted your comment cos that is how I (and I think many others) feel about this wretched illness. It leaves us very confused, tired and lonely - isolated and with loads of other emotions.

I do hope you can get support here. Please post with any problems you have - there are always folk who have experienced similar things.
Love Jan
 

jenny48

Registered User
Sep 19, 2008
121
0
Hi Pat42

I am quite new to the forum, I also look after my mum she is almost 88 and has vascular dementia. I think everyone must feel like you do at some point I know I certainley do I also get angry and guily in equal measures but I have a good husband and he lets me rant most of the time and when he's not around I tell the dogs how I am feeling. Stupid I know but I feel better just to get things off my chest. You will enjoy the formum it HELPS!!!!Keep posting.

Good Luck

Jenny:)
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,452
0
Kent
Hello Pat

Do other carers feel this way sometimes?

Oh yes Pat. I believe the majority of carers feel like this many times.
And this is why we turn to Talking Point [TP] It is the only way we can have contact with others who understand, when we are more or less housebound.
I hope you will feel the support here and be able to share experiences.

Welcome to TP.

Love xx
 

EllieS

Registered User
Aug 23, 2005
170
0
SOMERSET
Dear Pat

You will be so very glad that you know where Talking Point is.
Whether you write every day, every week or just when things are really bad, there are such wonderful people who can always 'talk' things through with you.
You need NEVER be truly alone - honestly!
Be kind to yourself.

Ellie
 

aceblytons

Registered User
Sep 2, 2007
58
0
Wigan
home from hospital

Les has been discharged from hospital today,im so glad he is home
where i can care for him.
SS are a complete waste of time,they say they will come and they dont very fustrating.
after the fall which they say he has been very lucky he has broken ribs,so i know this will take time to heal, and its effecting his breathing but he has the nebulizer which helps his breathing.
he is unable to walk on his own yet,i am trying to get him to use a stick im sure he will get used to it in time (i hope).
pat please stay with TP it has helped me so much,being tired
fustrated and dont know what to do,you will get through it.

lots of hugssssssss
aceblytons
 

EllieS

Registered User
Aug 23, 2005
170
0
SOMERSET
AceBlytons............Please Please

don't just accept that Social Services don't come when they should.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing - but it's not a lot of good once things have gone wrong.

Stay ahead of the game - you and your man need help and it's their job to do it - you don't need to fall out with anyone but you also shouldn't accept poor service.

Don't be afraid to ring the appropriate department when helpers do not attend and let them know how important it is that they do.

You probably feel quite capable of taking care of your man - but it's an ongoing thing and you need the help in order for you to stay capable!!!

Sorry to nag.

Ellie
 

DianeB

Registered User
May 29, 2008
765
0
nottinghamshire
Pat welcome to TP. I am sure we all know where you are coming from, I certainly do. Although Mum is now in a nursing home, I visit everyday and help with support for my Dad. You put about your life being on hold ..... cor your words really hit me too, I should be up getting ready for college (at the age of 45 lol) but I have not even been able to enroll for this term, and if things carry on like this I wont be enrolling in Jan either. It makes me want to scream, although i wouldn't have it any other way. TP really has been a lifeline for me, its a place where I truley feel 100% understood, I hope TP is of help to you also.;)
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,452
0
Kent
Hello aceblytons

I hope you and your husband will both feel much happier now he is at home.
Please try to get some help for yourself as nursing 24/7 on top of caring 24/7 will take it out of you big time.
I hope any pain he has from his broken ribs is controllable.
Love xx
 

aceblytons

Registered User
Sep 2, 2007
58
0
Wigan
hi ellie and grannie
Ihad to get the doctor this morning to sort out his tablets,i didnt know which to give him they had changed some of
them(warfarin etc)i was confused :confused:
I dont intend to let SS mess me around i need help badly
in the mornings,to day i just rested when les was sorted
but will be on the phone this week and get them to come and access les again.
thankyou for your replies.
aceblytons
lots of hugssssssssss
 
Last edited by a moderator:

beechwood

Registered User
Oct 30, 2007
2
0
glamorgan
Hi Pat

I know exactly how you feel and it is a lonely place to be. It has taken me over 18 months to get some decent support for my mother. And that only came about because our social worker was moving on and signed us off as not needing further support!

I then contacted the Mental Health Team and, when they heard how badly we'd been treated, they allocated us a new social worker who is absolutely marvellous! She organised 6 days respite care (which didn't work out, but that wasn't her fault) and, instead of 3 visits a week my mother is going to get 14!! How about that?

I am over the moon but realise now that I wasn't pushy enough and didn't find out what our entitlement was. I have vowed to have less pride and ask for help in future instead of trying to cope alone.

My mother is deteriorating at a rate of knots and I doubt she will be able to stay in her own home for much longer unless the volume of help is increased. One of the problems I found was that, because she has a decent works' pension, she was deemed to be able to afford support and we were made to feel that we shouldn't expect much from Social Services. I know they have a limited budget but my mother is not rich and has paid her taxes all her life so deserves better.

It is an uphill struggle though and tiredness and guilt are my daily companions. Walking my dogs is the only break I get and, boy, do I make the most of that 'private' time.

Keep your chin up, Pat, and accept that your feelings are normal. :)
 

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