Hi I understand that but they have never offered me help in 4 years and now I want her back they are trying to tell me that know what’s best for her when I’ve known her all my life and cared for her for 4 years I just think they are being sly towards me
Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards (DoLS)
- Thread starter Herbaltea
- Start date
Hi I understand that but they have never offered me help in 4 years and now I want her back they are trying to tell me that know what’s best for her when I’ve known her all my life and cared for her for 4 years I just think they are being sly towards me
Please think carefully before removing your Mum from the home where she is settled. You are stressed and tired and won’t be able to look after her on your own - read back the messages you posted in your thread just a couple of weeks ago which refer to how unsettled your Mum was when you took her home for just a few hours: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/my-mum.114836/
Your Mum is happy, settled, well cared for and had made friends in the home. I can see that you’re having a really hard time but please have a think about what is best for you, your family and your Mum. It will be really unsettling for your Mum to be moved again from an environment where she is now settled and she will not have a proper bed at your home. It’s hard, but you need to give yourself a break so that you can think straight and consider what is best for everyone. That’s what the social worker will be looking to do at the meeting. You will be able to have their say and the decision will be made on what's best for your Mum. You sound really stressed so maybe speak to your GP as they may be able to help. As everyone has said, you really need to work with the social workers if you want to keep them 'on side'. 3 weeks isn't long and will give you a chance to properly plan for the meeting.
Your Mum is happy, settled, well cared for and had made friends in the home. I can see that you’re having a really hard time but please have a think about what is best for you, your family and your Mum. It will be really unsettling for your Mum to be moved again from an environment where she is now settled and she will not have a proper bed at your home. It’s hard, but you need to give yourself a break so that you can think straight and consider what is best for everyone. That’s what the social worker will be looking to do at the meeting. You will be able to have their say and the decision will be made on what's best for your Mum. You sound really stressed so maybe speak to your GP as they may be able to help. As everyone has said, you really need to work with the social workers if you want to keep them 'on side'. 3 weeks isn't long and will give you a chance to properly plan for the meeting.
Hi yes I know but my mum don’t like it when I leave she thinks she can come home with me and I think the longer she is away I will be harder for her she has been sleeping in the lounge at the care home because she does not like to be on her own so she won’t go to bed where here with me she did go to bed I don’t like how they can say what’s best for my mum when they don’t even know her what would happen if I just took her and brought her home could they make me take her back
Try cutting down on your visits. You dont need to visit every day, and your Mum will be picking up on your stress/anxiety. Try going every other day so that she can settle. It's not fair on your Mum to keep moving her about - wait until the best interests meeting. If you took your Mum home then yes, they could bring her back if they have concerns about her safety. Personally, I'd be doing what I could to show that I had my Mum's best interests at heart and that would be keeping her she is for the time being.
Hi thank u I will wait to best interest but she does want to come home she asked me everyday to come with me is breaks my heart when I have to leave her
Hi I went to see my mum this afternoon I asked could I take her home overnight but because the social worker advised me not to do overnight visits the care home said no but they could not stop me I wanted to try my mum back home with me before the next meeting but there is nothing in place to say I can’t take her I’ve got some social worker that has never met me or my mum telling me what to do I should not have to just go and take my mum I should be allowed to take her home when I want to and then take her back. The way I feel at the moment is I want to go and get her and not take her back.
This is really not fair on your mum to think about taking her home overnight, if I have read this correctly, only to bring her back. She needs continuity and routine. When my mother-in-law was in a care home, I visited only once a week so that she got used to the carers and the routine. All you're doing is increasing stress and anxiety. She's safe where she is.
Hi I went to see my mum this afternoon I asked could I take her home overnight but because the social worker advised me not to do overnight visits the care home said no but they could not stop me I wanted to try my mum back home with me before the next meeting but there is nothing in place to say I can’t take her I’ve got some social worker that has never met me or my mum telling me what to do I should not have to just go and take my mum I should be allowed to take her home when I want to and then take her back. The way I feel at the moment is I want to go and get her and not take her back.
Hi yes I want my mum back with where she has been for the past 4 years I was planning on having her all weekend I bring her home during the day with me and she is very happy with me it’s very hard for me when I leave her she wants to come with me when I leave I just don’t want to wait another 3 weeks for a meeting to be told lies again
Hi yes I want my mum back with where she has been for the past 4 years I was planning on having her all weekend I bring her home during the day with me and she is very happy with me it’s very hard for me when I leave her she wants to come with me when I leave I just don’t want to wait another 3 weeks for a meeting to be told lies again
I doubt they have taken anything away. They wouldnt wash & dress someone who was perfectly willing and able to do it themselves.
There must be a reason why they think she is better off where she is.
Work with them, not against them
She cannot do your stairs & sleeps in the lounge- not good
Do you have a downstairs loo/shower?
What are you going to do for carers- you cannot do 24/7 again
She roams in the night- how will you deal with that? Its no problem in a care home, they are staffed 24/7 with staff meant to be awake, chatting making tea & toast at silly O'clock.
Stop going every day, go every other, dont bring her back to your other than very occasionally, and dont even think about overnight- that will mess with her routine.
You have done your share, its someone elses turn now
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Hi
I had also not heard of this but my mother lives with my father who also has dimentia they live in 24 hour assisted living where we just about cope with constant help and visits and a lifeline. My dad can no longer keep my mum in the apartment usually around 4pm she’s packing and leaving daily and when she gets out she has no idea where she is or where she is going she just goes. He doesn’t have the ability always to stop her, where they live you have freedom to come and go as you please, so as she’s deteriorating and dad is struggling the team leader have suggested to me it’s in both their interests to apply for DOL for mum because if the door is alarmed a member of the care team would attend to mum immediately which in turn would help dad. He doesn’t call for help to the care team now as he’s frightened that she is taken away.
I’ve agreed it was a very hard decision but what would be worse for mum and dad to go out and be lost and confused. Apparently it takes months to apply for so I’m in the early stages but the alarm can be fitted as long as the application has gone in.
Very very hard decisions On an illness that changes daily.
I had also not heard of this but my mother lives with my father who also has dimentia they live in 24 hour assisted living where we just about cope with constant help and visits and a lifeline. My dad can no longer keep my mum in the apartment usually around 4pm she’s packing and leaving daily and when she gets out she has no idea where she is or where she is going she just goes. He doesn’t have the ability always to stop her, where they live you have freedom to come and go as you please, so as she’s deteriorating and dad is struggling the team leader have suggested to me it’s in both their interests to apply for DOL for mum because if the door is alarmed a member of the care team would attend to mum immediately which in turn would help dad. He doesn’t call for help to the care team now as he’s frightened that she is taken away.
I’ve agreed it was a very hard decision but what would be worse for mum and dad to go out and be lost and confused. Apparently it takes months to apply for so I’m in the early stages but the alarm can be fitted as long as the application has gone in.
Very very hard decisions On an illness that changes daily.
