i know there quite a few threads about this, but I wondered what others had experienced, and how they either coped or got the sufferer to ‘come around’
Mum was formally diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s in February. She lives alone and is fiercely independent- although this is partly to do with her always having been very anxious about others perceptions of her and doesn’t want to admit weakness. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that she has also always been an extremely contrary character and I’ve suspected that she may well of had undiagnosed mental issues. She was an awful parent, bordering on cruelty and in hindsight, possibly now she would have been guilty of child abuse. I am only child and despite her atrocious past behaviour, I can’t just walk away at this late stage.
As I live two hours away, I’d put quite a few things in place, visits to the day centre, lifts to her church and carers twice a week for companionship and to help her unpack the online shopping order I have arranged. She has alienated every single one of these and today I’ve heard from the care company that she was absolutely hysterical about their visit and sent them packing. Her default position is to tell everyone she is too ill (whenever I ring I get the exactly the same story of how she feels weak and lightheaded) but she was furious when I asked her doctor to visit her! Ironically, the doctor could find nothing physically wrong with her - all bloods etc were normal - although she is in total denial about her real illness and accused me of making it all up. This, despite numerous hospital/clinics visits and correspondence to support.
Following a visit by the hospital OT, it was suggested that I up her carers visits but after today, I think we’ve taken a step backwards. She’s keeping herself and her house clean, I’m not sure she’s eating well but I do ensure that she gets decent groceries delivered. She won’t entertain the thought of meals on wheels, has always turned her nose up at ready meals. She keeps talking about how angry she is with myself and others interfering with her life but I’ve had to step in and obtain a POA because she was all over the place with money, was buying totally inappropriate shopping etc and because her short term memory has gone, she was either forgetting to pay bills or paying them twice.
I guess my question is; do I just step back and let a crisis happen? I know that sounds so callous but I’ve tried so hard get things in place - for my peace of mind, as much as for her quality of life - but I can’t force her to accept help and if she sends it away, I just feel so guilty that I’m not doing enough, especially when the memory clinic have suggested more hands on.
Mum was formally diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s in February. She lives alone and is fiercely independent- although this is partly to do with her always having been very anxious about others perceptions of her and doesn’t want to admit weakness. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that she has also always been an extremely contrary character and I’ve suspected that she may well of had undiagnosed mental issues. She was an awful parent, bordering on cruelty and in hindsight, possibly now she would have been guilty of child abuse. I am only child and despite her atrocious past behaviour, I can’t just walk away at this late stage.
As I live two hours away, I’d put quite a few things in place, visits to the day centre, lifts to her church and carers twice a week for companionship and to help her unpack the online shopping order I have arranged. She has alienated every single one of these and today I’ve heard from the care company that she was absolutely hysterical about their visit and sent them packing. Her default position is to tell everyone she is too ill (whenever I ring I get the exactly the same story of how she feels weak and lightheaded) but she was furious when I asked her doctor to visit her! Ironically, the doctor could find nothing physically wrong with her - all bloods etc were normal - although she is in total denial about her real illness and accused me of making it all up. This, despite numerous hospital/clinics visits and correspondence to support.
Following a visit by the hospital OT, it was suggested that I up her carers visits but after today, I think we’ve taken a step backwards. She’s keeping herself and her house clean, I’m not sure she’s eating well but I do ensure that she gets decent groceries delivered. She won’t entertain the thought of meals on wheels, has always turned her nose up at ready meals. She keeps talking about how angry she is with myself and others interfering with her life but I’ve had to step in and obtain a POA because she was all over the place with money, was buying totally inappropriate shopping etc and because her short term memory has gone, she was either forgetting to pay bills or paying them twice.
I guess my question is; do I just step back and let a crisis happen? I know that sounds so callous but I’ve tried so hard get things in place - for my peace of mind, as much as for her quality of life - but I can’t force her to accept help and if she sends it away, I just feel so guilty that I’m not doing enough, especially when the memory clinic have suggested more hands on.