Living with grief
- Thread starter caqqufa
- Start date
Oh my goodness. You have summed it up so well.
I know it's an old cliche but grief really is a roller coaster of emotions. I'm still on that roller coaster almost three years down the line. What Sylvia says is so true - ' If you hadn`t loved so much you wouldn`t be experiencing it. It will soften.'.
It's been just over two years and the reality of it feels unshakeable, when everyone else has got on with their lives and you have to pretend you are getting on with yours!! Never thought there was weight to a vacuum. Thank you for your response, I do appreciate your support. Hugs to you all.
Not dementia related but I cannot believe the last 12 months. 3 of my friends, one my best friend, have lost their husbands. Each one is at different stages with their grief & loss. One said to me you might think you know how it feels, but until it happens to you no-one can really understand the depth of the loss. I struggle a bit to know how best to support them.
It`s true. No one can know what it`s like until they experience it and to some extent, it`s just as well. Why should others experience this level of grief unless they have to?
We are all good at keeping a `stiff upper lip` or not wanting others to be upset or embarrassed on our behalf or even to seem boring.
In olden days bereavement meant wearing black for a while, then grey, then purple. the bereaved stayed at home, didn`t entertain or listen to music. It`s not something I would recommend and I`ve no idea if it helped but this procedure did show all and sundry they had suffered a family loss and their grief was accepted.
We are all good at keeping a `stiff upper lip` or not wanting others to be upset or embarrassed on our behalf or even to seem boring.
In olden days bereavement meant wearing black for a while, then grey, then purple. the bereaved stayed at home, didn`t entertain or listen to music. It`s not something I would recommend and I`ve no idea if it helped but this procedure did show all and sundry they had suffered a family loss and their grief was accepted.
My husband died at the end of January from sepsis brought about by losing his swallow reflex from severe dementia. He had not been able to speak for several months, and the only funeral thoughts we had discussed before he became ill was that we were going to be buried , so we will be together for ever when my time comes.
I lost my sister in law last September, she managed to die on my birthday. But she was compos mentos, planned her huge funeral service. Totally opposite to the one for my husband,a private burial as he would have wanted and a celebration of his life the next day .
I have just said good bye to a good friend who is dying of cancer in a hospice. She still knew who I am and managed a smile, so different to someone with severe dementia who cannot communicate at all.
I feel I have been grieving for years but there is this enormous gap now and I don’t know how to cope with it.
I try to put on a bright face but inside is hurting so bad. Early days yet.
I lost my sister in law last September, she managed to die on my birthday. But she was compos mentos, planned her huge funeral service. Totally opposite to the one for my husband,a private burial as he would have wanted and a celebration of his life the next day .
I have just said good bye to a good friend who is dying of cancer in a hospice. She still knew who I am and managed a smile, so different to someone with severe dementia who cannot communicate at all.
I feel I have been grieving for years but there is this enormous gap now and I don’t know how to cope with it.
I try to put on a bright face but inside is hurting so bad. Early days yet.
I have 2 good friends who also lost their husbands in the past year. It is difficult to know how to support them, all you can do is be there for them, when they need you. It is impossible to know how they feel so all you can do is use your own strengths and help them move on, however slowly it takes.
It is hard but you just have to be there for people. One of my friends was due to come to my mum’s funeral more to support me but on the day, she had a panic attack & couldn’t move as she realised it was the same day that she lost her husband 2 yrs ago. It’s desperately sad.
She has kept herself busy & luckily her husband put all his affairs in order to help her afterwards.
I can’t imagine how losing a spouse or partner might feel like.
She has kept herself busy & luckily her husband put all his affairs in order to help her afterwards.
I can’t imagine how losing a spouse or partner might feel like.
Thanks for replies. I do feel out my depth at times but like you say just trying to be there when needed is what I'm doing. Two of these friends are friends with each other so are able to also support each other as sadly they do know how each other feels. One cries a lot is unable to hold back, the other I haven't seen shed a single tear yet I know she is in pain. Stiff upper lip on the outside crumbling inside. My best friend is the most raw, it's only been 3 weeks. The loss of her hubbie was expected but the others were not. I am seeing grief in its many forms it is a humbling experience & my heart aches for them.
In own situation I am experiencing the loss of my mum bit by bit to dementia & when the end does come I know these friends will support me. Thankfully none of them has lost a loved one to dementia so far but that brings me back to what was said previously, until you have experienced loss in the same way then you just cannot understand what it really feels like.
In own situation I am experiencing the loss of my mum bit by bit to dementia & when the end does come I know these friends will support me. Thankfully none of them has lost a loved one to dementia so far but that brings me back to what was said previously, until you have experienced loss in the same way then you just cannot understand what it really feels like.
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How fortunate your friends are to have you as a friend. A caring friend is priceless. The best support in most cases is just being there: a phone call simply asking 'how are you today?' or 'just called to see how you're doing' makes all the difference to a person lost in grief.
Everyone reacts to a loss differently, depending on the character and the relationship there was. I was very close to my mum and when she died I thought it was the end of the world, not until my husband passed away - cannot put it into words.
I feel like I have grieved for my mum for so long. Whilst she is still with me she is far down the road of Dementia.
She hasn't recognised me for nigh on 5 years and now barely opens her eyes. I try and stay strong but then this overwhelming feeling of grief flows over me and I sob. I miss her so much and it tears me apart to see her has she is now. I often wonder how I will feel when that final day comes? Relief? Grief?
She hasn't recognised me for nigh on 5 years and now barely opens her eyes. I try and stay strong but then this overwhelming feeling of grief flows over me and I sob. I miss her so much and it tears me apart to see her has she is now. I often wonder how I will feel when that final day comes? Relief? Grief?
Sending many hugs @Babymare01 i don't know how I would cope with that. I fear the pain of losing someone I love as much as the loss but if they were so far gone, in my heart I would also feel relief for them that their suffering is over. I don't know if it would help us cope any better or not. From what I've seen with my friends so far, sudden or expected, loss seems just as devastating.
