I do occasionally wonder what it would be that would mean "not ill" to me. I don't think it would be car, but it might be.
A life in the day of.........................
- Thread starter Grannie G
- Start date
- Status
Administrator/Moderator note: we had considered removing ill-conceived posts from this thread, but the support of the general membership following their posting shows how much they value Sylvia's thread.
Please can everyone note that no amount of stress in one's own life can justify posting irrationally, randomly, or offensively - on a single thread, or on multiples. We try to take account of circumstance but have to ensure the majority of members are able to obtain the support they need from the forum. To that end, no individual, no matter how stressful they believe their circumstances, bypasses the conditions of use.
I would remind members of the following tutorial, section 3.13
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talking...&documentID=64
"if a member posts anything that the moderators or groups of members consider detrimental to the working of Talking Point, they will receive a PM from a moderator. This will warn that any further infringement will result in the first of three public warnings, which will be issued without any recourse to appeal, the third of which will result in automatic banning. "
The PM was sent last evening.
Please can everyone note that no amount of stress in one's own life can justify posting irrationally, randomly, or offensively - on a single thread, or on multiples. We try to take account of circumstance but have to ensure the majority of members are able to obtain the support they need from the forum. To that end, no individual, no matter how stressful they believe their circumstances, bypasses the conditions of use.
I would remind members of the following tutorial, section 3.13
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talking...&documentID=64
"if a member posts anything that the moderators or groups of members consider detrimental to the working of Talking Point, they will receive a PM from a moderator. This will warn that any further infringement will result in the first of three public warnings, which will be issued without any recourse to appeal, the third of which will result in automatic banning. "
The PM was sent last evening.
Yesterday was so difficult.
He woke upset. Thought I wasn`t speaking to him.
Didn`t know where he was, who he was, where he lived, how he got here.
After reassurance appeared better.
Went for papers. Came home. Had breakfast.
Puzzled where we live . Went for walk 11.40am. Did not want me to go with.
Back at 12noon, said he`d been to the seaside, then `nearly` to the sea side.
He asked me to phone the station and ask about train times. I said I would do it tomorrow, so he went again at 12.18pm.
Paul brought him home at 1pm. He passes Paul`s house on the way to the station.
He told Paul, `This cleaning woman told me to go away. She would not let me in.`
I had been mopping the floor at the time.
Paul went home. I gave Dhiren a drink and asked if he wanted me to sit with him or leave him alone. He said `Leave me alone.`
I had to `leave him alone` for the rest of the day.
His face lifted at around 10pm. but he had a very restless night.
He seems all right this morning.
He woke upset. Thought I wasn`t speaking to him.
Didn`t know where he was, who he was, where he lived, how he got here.
After reassurance appeared better.
Went for papers. Came home. Had breakfast.
Puzzled where we live . Went for walk 11.40am. Did not want me to go with.
Back at 12noon, said he`d been to the seaside, then `nearly` to the sea side.
He asked me to phone the station and ask about train times. I said I would do it tomorrow, so he went again at 12.18pm.
Paul brought him home at 1pm. He passes Paul`s house on the way to the station.
He told Paul, `This cleaning woman told me to go away. She would not let me in.`
I had been mopping the floor at the time.
Paul went home. I gave Dhiren a drink and asked if he wanted me to sit with him or leave him alone. He said `Leave me alone.`
I had to `leave him alone` for the rest of the day.
His face lifted at around 10pm. but he had a very restless night.
He seems all right this morning.
Oh dear, Sylvia, just what you didn't need yesterday!
You must be on pins every time Dhiren goes walkabout, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop him.
I hope today is better.
Love,
You must be on pins every time Dhiren goes walkabout, and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop him.
I hope today is better.
Love,
Thank you Hazel
I thought the walkabouts had ended as Dhiren is unable to walk far now and is quite unsteady.
But when he gets into this mode he seems to get strength from somewhere and strides out with a purpose. So much so, on the occasions I have followed him, I have trouble keeping up with him.
One very lucky twist of fate is Paul`s house is on the way to the station.
He is all right with me today but still very confused. He has just asked me if Sahib Sita Ram Mondol is my father. I know Mondol iwas his mother`s maiden name so this must be the grandparent he wants to get back to.
I told him my father`s name and he said `I know him!. And your mother is I**** S****. ` He spoke in the present tense, and my father died in 1971 and my mother died in 2002.
I thought the walkabouts had ended as Dhiren is unable to walk far now and is quite unsteady.
But when he gets into this mode he seems to get strength from somewhere and strides out with a purpose. So much so, on the occasions I have followed him, I have trouble keeping up with him.
One very lucky twist of fate is Paul`s house is on the way to the station.
He is all right with me today but still very confused. He has just asked me if Sahib Sita Ram Mondol is my father. I know Mondol iwas his mother`s maiden name so this must be the grandparent he wants to get back to.
I told him my father`s name and he said `I know him!. And your mother is I**** S****. ` He spoke in the present tense, and my father died in 1971 and my mother died in 2002.
Last edited:
HI Sylvia
What an awful day that must have been. Very early on I became used to Mum talking in the present tense about her life, all her life.
No fourth dimension existed at all. She lived now as did everyone else. She could talk to me, quite rationally it seemend, on the phone about my current life and then tell me that I was playing outside..and did not notice the problem
Hope Dhiren settles a little bit more today.
I am so glad that you post here as I am sure that this diary helps so many people to understand the sheer exhaustion of the repetitive downwards spiral which is the carer's dementia.
(((Hugs)))
Mameeskye
What an awful day that must have been. Very early on I became used to Mum talking in the present tense about her life, all her life.
No fourth dimension existed at all. She lived now as did everyone else. She could talk to me, quite rationally it seemend, on the phone about my current life and then tell me that I was playing outside..and did not notice the problem
Hope Dhiren settles a little bit more today.
I am so glad that you post here as I am sure that this diary helps so many people to understand the sheer exhaustion of the repetitive downwards spiral which is the carer's dementia.
(((Hugs)))
Mameeskye
Thank you Mameeskye
We had an appointment with a diabetic nurse today. Not the diabetic nurse Dhiren usually sees at the GP`s surgery, but one from the hospital team, as a follow up to the nurse who saw him while he was on the assessment ward in June.
Our appointment was at the local health centre where Dhiren sees the podiatrist.
He said he was not going.
I told him he had to go as I had received a letter asking us to go.
He said I could go by myself and he would stay at home.
I told him I was not the diabetic, the nurse wanted to see him.
He said he would go by himself.
I told him I needed to be there to discuss his glucose readings.
I asked if I should book a taxi.
He asked where it was.
I said at the health centre
He asked where it was
I said at the clinic where he has his feet checked.
He said we could walk.
We walked.
He walked so quickly I struggled to keep up.
All the way he was asking why he had to go, why I was going with him, who was he seeing, which doctor, which nurse, what would they do, what would they say.
We got to the traffic lights. I was breathless. He told me I was not fit, too fat, he was fit, he was not out of breath. He could walk ten miles there and ten miles back.
We arrived. We sat in the waiting room.
He kept looking at his watch.
We waited less than five minutes.
He still looked at his watch.
The nurse invited us into her room.
He told me to wait outside.
I said I was going in with him.
The nurse asked how he was.
He said fine.
There was nothing wrong with him. He was fit and well.
He took his shoes and socks off.
The nurse asked about his blood glucose, had he brought a record with him.
He said it was fine.
I gave her the record.
He asked when she was going to cut his nails.
She said that was podiatry. She was a diabetic nurse.
I said he had an appointment on Friday to have his nails cut.
He said he was fine and shouldn`t be wasting her time.
She was pleased he was fine. He wasn`t wasting her time. It was good news.
She asked about his medication.
I told her about his medication.
She asked how he was monitored at the GP`s surgery.
I told her.
He asked her to cut his nails.
She said he had an appointment on Friday.
He started to put his socks back on, but couldn`t.
He put his socks in his coat pocket.
He put his shoes on and got up to go.
The nurse gave me her phone number.
The nurse said it had been good to meet him.
He shook hands with her and walked out.
I followed.
We got the bus home in silence.
He is cross with me now.
We had an appointment with a diabetic nurse today. Not the diabetic nurse Dhiren usually sees at the GP`s surgery, but one from the hospital team, as a follow up to the nurse who saw him while he was on the assessment ward in June.
Our appointment was at the local health centre where Dhiren sees the podiatrist.
He said he was not going.
I told him he had to go as I had received a letter asking us to go.
He said I could go by myself and he would stay at home.
I told him I was not the diabetic, the nurse wanted to see him.
He said he would go by himself.
I told him I needed to be there to discuss his glucose readings.
I asked if I should book a taxi.
He asked where it was.
I said at the health centre
He asked where it was
I said at the clinic where he has his feet checked.
He said we could walk.
We walked.
He walked so quickly I struggled to keep up.
All the way he was asking why he had to go, why I was going with him, who was he seeing, which doctor, which nurse, what would they do, what would they say.
We got to the traffic lights. I was breathless. He told me I was not fit, too fat, he was fit, he was not out of breath. He could walk ten miles there and ten miles back.
We arrived. We sat in the waiting room.
He kept looking at his watch.
We waited less than five minutes.
He still looked at his watch.
The nurse invited us into her room.
He told me to wait outside.
I said I was going in with him.
The nurse asked how he was.
He said fine.
There was nothing wrong with him. He was fit and well.
He took his shoes and socks off.
The nurse asked about his blood glucose, had he brought a record with him.
He said it was fine.
I gave her the record.
He asked when she was going to cut his nails.
She said that was podiatry. She was a diabetic nurse.
I said he had an appointment on Friday to have his nails cut.
He said he was fine and shouldn`t be wasting her time.
She was pleased he was fine. He wasn`t wasting her time. It was good news.
She asked about his medication.
I told her about his medication.
She asked how he was monitored at the GP`s surgery.
I told her.
He asked her to cut his nails.
She said he had an appointment on Friday.
He started to put his socks back on, but couldn`t.
He put his socks in his coat pocket.
He put his shoes on and got up to go.
The nurse gave me her phone number.
The nurse said it had been good to meet him.
He shook hands with her and walked out.
I followed.
We got the bus home in silence.
He is cross with me now.
No comfort, but he is probably cross with the fact that it has just been shown that he does need you, and if he needs you he is ill.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow.
There's nothing I can say, so hope you'll accept these (I tried to find a hug, but these smell sweeter )
I hope you have a better evening.
)
I hope you have a better evening.
Dear Sylvia
It made very tense reading so I imagine you must be very tense especially now that Dhiren is cross with you. Unfortunately, with some things there is no choice and having his diabetic check up is one of those things but I imagine there were times when you might have been tempted to say "fine do it yourself".
I think the loss of empathy is one of the things that I miss the most.
Hope that knitting is keeping you calm. Is our pet blanket done yet?
Love
It made very tense reading so I imagine you must be very tense especially now that Dhiren is cross with you. Unfortunately, with some things there is no choice and having his diabetic check up is one of those things but I imagine there were times when you might have been tempted to say "fine do it yourself".
I think the loss of empathy is one of the things that I miss the most.
Hope that knitting is keeping you calm. Is our pet blanket done yet?
Love
Thank you for your support
Things went from bad to worse yesterday.
__________________
Dhiren admitted he was afraid to go to the diabetic nurse in case it was a ploy to get him back into hospital.
And he grew more and more confused and depressed as the day wore on, so by late afternoon, sundowning came with a vengeance.
He hadn`t a clue who I was and thought he was locked in.
He had plastic bags full of clothes all over the house.
He thought I had lied to him by not telling him we are married.
He saw me as a stranger and thought he was a prisoner here.
He asked what right I had to keep him here.
The key was in the front door as it always is but he thought he was locked in.
He said he`s being blackmailed to stay here
I gave up and went to bed.
I woke to find him in bed fully clothed. I have photographed the clothes.
He has taken some out of the bags so perhaps he is thinking of staying.
Will see how he wakes.
While he was asleep I put everything away so he wouldn`t wake to the mess. He made no comment when he awoke in bed to find himself fully clothed.
I am handling him with care.
__________________
Things went from bad to worse yesterday.
__________________
Dhiren admitted he was afraid to go to the diabetic nurse in case it was a ploy to get him back into hospital.
And he grew more and more confused and depressed as the day wore on, so by late afternoon, sundowning came with a vengeance.
He hadn`t a clue who I was and thought he was locked in.
He had plastic bags full of clothes all over the house.
He thought I had lied to him by not telling him we are married.
He saw me as a stranger and thought he was a prisoner here.
He asked what right I had to keep him here.
The key was in the front door as it always is but he thought he was locked in.
He said he`s being blackmailed to stay here
I gave up and went to bed.
I woke to find him in bed fully clothed. I have photographed the clothes.
He has taken some out of the bags so perhaps he is thinking of staying.
Will see how he wakes.
While he was asleep I put everything away so he wouldn`t wake to the mess. He made no comment when he awoke in bed to find himself fully clothed.
I am handling him with care.
__________________
Last edited:
oh sylvia this sundowning is just so hard to deal with, it is so unpredictable, cannot for the life of me see what causes the sudden dramatic changes, does Dirhens breathing pattern change when he is sundowning, does he rub legs in a manic way and lower jaw protrude,forhead lower into adeep frown, this is how Trev was last night for 2 hours i now just have to leave him to pace this off because any sympathy or intervention just agrivates him more, so i think you taking youself off to bed, best decision.How is Dirhen today any recollection?. Hope you have a calmer day and that the sun is shining for you love & best wishes to you both, just wish you lived nearer so i could give you a break for a few hours you never know perhaps our 2 men could sundown together.Pam
Thank you Helen and Pam
He seems all right so far, a little bit secretive or paranoid, hiding things when I enter the room, counting his money, but much more chatty, so we`ll see.
But the best news is Terry my CPN phoned, having read my posts, so we had a good chat.
He reassured me I`m doing all I can, and agreed it`s better not to have anyone call. He confirmed my feelings additional medication would be refused by Dhiren who,in this frame of mind, would probably think I was trying to poison him.
I now have email contact with him which will be a good help, and it was so good to hear his voice.
Oh Pam, if only!
He seems all right so far, a little bit secretive or paranoid, hiding things when I enter the room, counting his money, but much more chatty, so we`ll see.
But the best news is Terry my CPN phoned, having read my posts, so we had a good chat.
He reassured me I`m doing all I can, and agreed it`s better not to have anyone call. He confirmed my feelings additional medication would be refused by Dhiren who,in this frame of mind, would probably think I was trying to poison him.
I now have email contact with him which will be a good help, and it was so good to hear his voice.
Hi Sylvia
I hope you have a large supply of kid gloves, sounds as if you need them!
I noticed this morning the times of some of you postings -- You're not getting a lot of sleep, are you?
Please take care of yourself, too.
Love,
I hope you have a large supply of kid gloves, sounds as if you need them!
I noticed this morning the times of some of you postings -- You're not getting a lot of sleep, are you?
Please take care of yourself, too.
Love,
Hello Sylvia,
Sorry you're having such a hard time of it recently.
You do seem to manage things with a lot of patience and understanding..but what else can you do?
There don't seem to be any answers.
Like Hazel I'm concerned about your lack of sleep...
It's good that Terry is in regular touch....at least he's a solid source of support for you.
Love gigi xx
Sorry you're having such a hard time of it recently.
You do seem to manage things with a lot of patience and understanding..but what else can you do?
There don't seem to be any answers.
Like Hazel I'm concerned about your lack of sleep...
It's good that Terry is in regular touch....at least he's a solid source of support for you.
Love gigi xx
Thanks folks
I meant to take something to help me sleep last night but forgot. Will try to remember tonight.
I`m surprisingly quite awake. I`ve done nothing in the way of house work but feel OK.
I am trying very hard to keep Dhiren on an even keel, and if it means sitting with him all the time, so be it.
The blanket squares are coming on nicely.
I meant to take something to help me sleep last night but forgot. Will try to remember tonight.
I`m surprisingly quite awake. I`ve done nothing in the way of house work but feel OK.
I am trying very hard to keep Dhiren on an even keel, and if it means sitting with him all the time, so be it.
The blanket squares are coming on nicely.
Dear Sylvia
I'm sorry to hear that, increasingly, you are walking on eggshells. Please try to make sure you get adequate sleep when you can; you can't run on adrenalin for ever!
Love
I'm sorry to hear that, increasingly, you are walking on eggshells. Please try to make sure you get adequate sleep when you can; you can't run on adrenalin for ever!
Love
- Status
