Imagining things

[Brumsteve]

My mother has Alzheimer's and vascular dementia and has started to say things have happened or changed which haven't or aren't true e.g. she goes to a club for dementia sufferers once a week as says a friend of hers went with her this week. She has also said that one of the calls her carers makes in the day is stopping.

Now, I know how to deal with the carer one by telling her that nothing is happening but what do I say about her friend going to the club with her when he didn't? I don't want to start getting her frustrated by correcting her so do I just agree with her and go along with it or do I tell her that he didn't? Also, and I'm looking for advice from people who have probably gone further down the road than I am at the moment, am I to expect more of this?

 

[canary]

Hello @Brumsteve
What you are describing is called confabulation. It goes with dementia because it is a product of a damaged brain trying to make sense of memory loss. The subconscious brain is aware of the memory gaps and fills these gaps in with false memories. These false memories look to the person like real memories and they are completely unaware that they are not real. Because its due to the memory loss Im afraid that these confabulations will continue.

The best thing is not to correct her, unless the confabulations are upsetting her - even then you would probably be better off saying something that doesnt imply that she is wrong eg if she tells you that the neighbours are poisoning her then rather than trying to convince her that its not true you might be better off saying how dreadful and you will sort it out tomorrow. My mum had mostly bizarre or pleasant confabulations like the Queen came for tea, or that she had been on holiday. I learned to say neutral things like "How lovely" "well I never" or "Really?"

One thing I will mention is that when mum reached this stage it was necessary to monitor what she was watching on TV because the things that she saw started to get mixed up in the confabulations. Crime programs, the news, Jeremy Vine and most of the soaps became a big No-No

 

[silkiest]

The memories can get muddled between past and present as well. I panicked when MIL talked about the police coming to the door accusing her of having a dangerous dog. After talking to my husband it turner out to be something that happened to her over 30 years ago.
Canary do you know of any technology that can control TV programs and sound - we do not live with MIL and it is starting to be a problem.

 

[canary]

Canary do you know of any technology that can control TV programs and sound - we do not live with MIL and it is starting to be a problem.

No, Im afraid I dint - although other members might.
I dint live with my mum either and it didnt really get sorted out until she went into a care home

 

[charlie10]

@silkiest.....I don't know of any whizzy technology that will allow you remote control of the tv, but would it be possible to do something with a hard drive, recording on it only innocuous programmes, that she would be able to play ....on her tv? (disable 'normal' tv progs by pulling out arial plug?) I'm not very technical so this may not be possible

 

[silkiest]

Thanks Charlie, I don't know either. My nephew works in IT so might try asking him