Generosity misplaced

[Bee.quilt]

OH has always been generous with money, a good characteristic. Unfortunately it’s causing embarrassment for the recipient when he gives the lady who serves us a tip, or insists on the young woman with a baby having a coin for the money box. Even offering to pay for the ‘old lady’s’ shopping. (We are 80! )
Is there any sort of badge or similar that can tactfully explain the situation to strangers he treats as old friends ? It must be alarming for people to be descended upon. I’m not always quick enough to anticipate it. I don’t want to spoil his pleasure and we can afford it. Suggestions needed please. B.

 

[canary]

Could you have cards the size of business cards made up with a simple explanation printed on them? You could then discretely hand them out when necessary.

 

[Chrissie B]

OH has always been generous with money, a good characteristic. Unfortunately it’s causing embarrassment for the recipient when he gives the lady who serves us a tip, or insists on the young woman with a baby having a coin for the money box. Even offering to pay for the ‘old lady’s’ shopping. (We are 80! )
Is there any sort of badge or similar that can tactfully explain the situation to strangers he treats as old friends ? It must be alarming for people to be descended upon. I’m not always quick enough to anticipate it. I don’t want to spoil his pleasure and we can afford it. Suggestions needed please. B.

I think this has to be the cutest thing ever.
Don't worry about the shopping part. I work in a shop, and have loads of customers who treat me as if I am their old friend or mentor. Quite honestly, until I saw this post, I just assumed they were all regular customers, or customers who have come in the past, and I just felt somewhat guilty that I should have remembered them. It's a great comfort to me to find out that perhaps there might be some of them where it is just a case of mistaken identity.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Bee.quilt

If above average generosity is your husband`s natural behaviour and you can afford it I wouldn`t worry too much.

I have an 85 year old friend who doesn`t have dementia. The size of tips she gives amazes me. She hands out £5 notes as if they were smarties, to people I wouldn`t dream of tipping and I don`t consider myself mean.

Offering to pay for the old lady`s shopping may have been a bit over the top. I used to keep small cards in my pocket saying my husband has dementia and would slip them to anyone who seemed puzzled by his behaviour.

 

[Izzy]

I wondered if these cards would be if any help - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-and-factsheets/helpcards

 

[marionq]

John doesn't carry any money to dish out but he is given to saluting everyone in army style especially when in his wheelchair. This makes people smile and often stop to talk. Trouble is his conversation is either bizarre or non existent so I just mouth " Alzheimers" and so far everyone gets it straight away.

Your husband sounds like a good person. Paying for the old lady is maybe a step too far but occasional generosity is good for us all.

 

[Bee.quilt]

John doesn't carry any money to dish out but he is given to saluting everyone in army style especially when in his wheelchair. This makes people smile and often stop to talk. Trouble is his conversation is either bizarre or non existent so I just mouth " Alzheimers" and so far everyone gets it straight away.

Your husband sounds like a good person. Paying for the old lady is maybe a step too far but occasional generosity is good for us all.

 

[Bee.quilt]

Thanks for your replies. I think a happy business card idea is great. It would reassure recipients that its a genuine offer and well meant. Generosity is his best quality and we as a family appreciate it. I think I’ll also change his notes down to £1 coins and fivers which are a reasonable amount to give or receive. So glad you all think well of him. I have lots of not so good things to moan about him so this is my pleasure as well as OH s.
Cheers B.

 

[Agzy]

I wondered if these cards would be if any help - https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-and-factsheets/helpcards

My OH wouldnt carry never mind hand out cards like these, although when she gets confused at tills etc she proudly tells all and sundry that she has Alzheimer’s!

 

[Grannie G]

My husband wouldn`t have carried these cards with him but I carried them to use for him when we were out together.

Even so he did accept an ID card which he carried in his wallet. It was a godsend when he was lost and was found by the police. He just handed over his wallet and the police got him home.

 

[Izzy]

My OH wouldnt carry never mind hand out cards like these, although when she gets confused at tills etc she proudly tells all and sundry that she has Alzheimer’s!

My husband never carried these either. I did, however, have a version by Alzheimer Scotland which I carried.

 

[Bee.quilt]

Have no intention of giving cards to OH who would be horrified to think of Alzheimer’s applying to him. Think only of brief, cheerful message I can offer as a followup to the occasional person who looks alarmed. So far most people have been puzzled but pleased to receive a coin for baby or similar. Just sometimes someone back away and this worries him. We tread on eggs at every step in this game. Advice from people in same circumstances is always needed. Thanks for replying. Bxx