Supporting two people with dementia.

[emily16]

Hello,

My grandparents are in their 90's and my nan has had dementia for a while now but my grandad was ok with his memory. My grandad has recently been assessed and now has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia (which is different my nans). They are still in their bungalow and we have carers coming and food being delivered as they are determined to not go in a care home. This is not really working as my mum is still having to go and see them to check everything is being done.

I am just wondering if now we know they both have dementia, this could help us to arrange for better care. My mum has been trying to look after both of them for a few years now and it is getting harder and harder.

Just wondering if anybody also is caring for two people with dementia and if there are any tips.

 

[marionq]

I think you need to get their GP on board along with the Social Services department for the elderly. If they have their own property they will be able to fund care for a while but you need the experts to help.

You could also phone Age UK or if you are in Scotland, Alzheimers Scotland for advice.

 

[Georgina63]

Hi @emily16,
I would definitely approach your local social services/memory clinic as given that both grandparents have dementia, this could in time put them at increased risk when on their own (even with help going in throughout the day). My parents were in a similar position, managing at home for a while, and are now both in care home. I found my local Alzheimer's society really helpful too. Take care, Georgina

 

[Shedrech]

hello @emily16
a warm welcome to TP
it's grand that you are concerned for your grandparents and your mum, and are looking out for them
might your mum join up too, to share in the support here
if their Local Authority Adult Services are already involved, contact them and ask for a re-assessment of care needs and make it clear that both have a diagnosis and need more care - so hopefully the care package will be increased - ask about having a sitter/befriender, some time at a day care centre, some respite and a visit from an Occupational Therapist to look at any adaptions to the house and aids that may help
your mum is also entitled to a carer's assessment
look into Attendance Allowance for each of them - this benefit is not means tested - and also a disregard of Council Tax - the money can help to fund their care
I do appreciate that your grandparents want to remain in their own home for as long as possible - support your mum in being realistic and not feeling that she MUST keep to this no matter what as it may be that at some point it is in their best interests for a move into full time care

 

[DMac]

Hello Emily,

I too was in a similar position to your mum, caring for both parents-in-law, both with dementia at the same time, in their own home. I agree with others, please do reach out for help from your GP, from Social Services, local Age Concern offices, and not least the Alzheimer's Society.

It may not be too soon to look into arrangements for their future care needs. Would you and your mum be willing to visit a few local care homes? This would at least give you an idea of what care is available for your grandparents, and the cost (assuming they would be self-funding). One issue that I came across was that the care homes I visited said they couldn't accommodate both MIL and FIL together, because of their differing care needs (FIL had physical and mobility issues as well as dementia). However, FIL died in hospital after a routine operation, so never actually went into a care home or nursing home. MIL went into a residential care home just weeks afterwards, where she has lived for the past 18 months.

Another alternative is live-in care, which may work out better financially than 2 people being cared for separately - but this solution also has issues.

It's not an easy situation to face, but keep posting and I'm sure you and your mum will get help and support as you work through this. All the best. xx

 

[Mannie]

Yes , both parents with Alzheimer's.

They had live in care for 2 years,
it became increasingly difficult to get one live in carer to care for 2 people, but can work for a while
if you have 2 live in carers they each need a bedroom.
In the end it becomes so difficult, for example dealing with all the GP, district nurse, podiatrist, dentist , optician , consultants visits, Meds changes etc. For two.

Top priority is to get LPA forboth, or whatever is possible , you will thank your lucky stars .

I had an A4 notebook where I wrote everything down, otherwise over time you forget detailswhichcan be important , about their care history like when they last went to the GP and what was decided.

We found a lovely care home by planning ahead and finding one that would take both. We were amazed at how well they settled in, we believe it was because they w,ere together. They had separate rooms since one could keep the other awake etc. It didn't seem to bother them.

Good luck, and my advice is to balance their needs with your own and your family's.

 

[Mannie]

Ps I might add that we choose a dementia Nursing Home, in order to ensure that both could be catered for, and also higher carer ratio, and 24 hour onsite nurse. We did not want to get them settled, and then be forced, by the growing needs of one, to move them both again. Of course it cost more.